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Why Wait To Get Married
Marriage has certainly changed over the years...
The average marrying age has increased over the last decade.
Although nearly 95% of Americans will say that marriage is important, for nearly a decade the average age level of those ready to "tie the knot" has increased dramatically.
In the 1980s, when the woman born in the 60's, became of marital age, it was thought that if she pursued a higher education or a successful business career, then she would be less likely to marry. It used to be felt that men were unwilling to marry educated independent women, but that is no longer true. Of late, the trend has been found to be that men are more likely to marry their educational and economic peers. In fact, the graduation rate of women in general has out numbered that of their male peers.
Today it is reported that the national average age for a male to get married for the first time is 28 years old, while the average age for a female is 27 years old.
Princess Bride - The Wedding
Why have many decided to delay this practice of marriage? First is MONEY!
The top reason reported, when factoring in the decision of being married or waiting, is purely one dealing with finance. With today's fluctuating economy the amount of money that is required to even be able to get married can be intimidating. The cost of providing for a home and family can be seen as a staggering amount to those contemplating marriage. With education a priority for both men and women, many put off the decision to be married until they have graduated from college and are ready to enter into the professional field. The couple who is regarded as "struggling students" are seen less and less, as marriage has been put on the back burner.
Second: Effects of DIVORCE
Another reason that some choose to delay marriage is that they may be "gun shy" because of the results of marriages they have seen in their own family situations. Today's youth are the single adults that come from the generation of divorce. Unfortunately many of them have been exposed to the realities of divorce on some level or another, creating low expectations of a different future for them. In many cases, most still desire to be married, but have become pessimistic about successful marriage being a reality.
Third: The acutal DATING process.
Still another factor to be considered in the decision to marry is the change in the dating process itself. Young people have moved away from the process of "formally dating" to simply "hanging out" in groups, creating more of a party atmosphere than a one on one experience. This proof is seen by the multi-million dollar singles industry that is moving across the nation. Dating has become less personal and more capitalized.
Finally: They are not willing to take the RISK!
The delayed marriage age has resulted in a more established individual, who oft times becomes accustomed to life on their own. Their thought process becomes one in which the individual is more comfortable with the known security they have created for themselves than with the unknown factors involved in a relationship. Marriage is a risky adventure that some are simply not willing to take.
Why is marriage an important step to take?
According to USA Today, "marriage typically provides important and substantial benefits, to individuals as well as society. Marriage improves the health and longevity of men and women; gives them access to a more active and satisfying sex life; increases wealth and assets; boosts children's chances for success; and enhances men's performance at work and their earnings."
Eternal Marriage
In a statement called, The Family: A proclamation to the World, which was given by the First Presidency and The Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (The Mormons) it teaches:
"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."
What can you do while you are waiting for the right one to come along?
- The most important thing an individual can do is make sure they become "the right person" themselves.
According to Larry Nelson, a professor in the BYU School of Family Life, "We need to get rid of the notion that this time period is about finding the right person. If that is the case, we are setting young people up to fail because every day you wake up single then you feel like a failure. Instead, an emerging adult-a young adult- needs to focus on becoming the right person. Then, every day that a person becomes better prepared for future family relationships is a successful day. If that focus on preparation translates into a successful marriage down the road then it was a good use of this period of time."
Practice integrity in your life now.
National statistics show that young adults who engage in risky behaviors before they are married, such as drug use, binge drinking, and promiscuous sexual behavior have higher rates of divorce when they do get married. The behaviors, choices and patterns that are set in their single activities could and most times do, have an impact on their marital success later.
- Finally the mind set of the individual must be changed from a "worst-case scenario" planning mode to one in which both are willing to grow together.
Jason Carroll a professor in the BYU School of Family Life expressed his thoughts on this subject, "I have a real concern that because of such an emphasis on possible worst-case scenarios, we miss out on the chance for the best-case scenario. Individuals may enter marriage with less faith and confidence in the relationship. They will not rely on each other as much as spouses... We have the real possibility that worst-case scenario planning is becoming a self-fulfilling process. Young people may strive so hard to be independent that the transition to marriage is really hard."
Eternal Marriage is part of my belief system.
Marriage is an institution that binds two individuals into one unit. This is the beginning of the basic unit for society called the family. It is a wonderful expression of love, devotion, and commitment.
Having been married for close to thirty years now, I can think of nothing else that has challenged me more but in turn has given me the most joy and satisfaction I could possibly know.
As a Mormon, I have the belief that marriage is an eternal partnership, one that lives forever and not merely until "death do us part." Because of the belief that I have, I know that being married is worth every effort we can do to work together, consecrating ourselves to one another and to our God. I can say without any reservation that I am a happily married woman, and that is an accomplishment I can feel joy in!
Marriage is an eternal partnership.
- DUIN: Marriage as a Mormon value - Washington Times
Anyone wonder why the Mormons do so well at marrying off their young? I learned why last Sunday when I dropped by the ward in Chevy Chase, a brick building on Western Avenue.
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Comments
LOVE that you included the scene from Princess Bride. Love that movie!
It is probable a good thing that people are waiting to marry! One reason is for the delay, is the stigma of being single has change a lot.
loved and really enjoyed the article!
I THINK WAIT AND SEE IN FUTURE LORD WILL RIGHT IN FUTURE GET MARRY AND GOOD SAFE, I AM SO TRUST GOOD HUSBAND.
Wait on the Lord! I am 47 and still waiting...and I am going to have biological children of my own! Sometimes the road God has for others is not the same road or timing. But God is faithful! Great hub!
Maybe they wait steay income, or preparing their self to get married. Not be hurry, slowly but sure. This is my opinion. I My self not married until now...hahaha. nice hub.I love it
One has to wait also due to that fact that, he or she is not finding the right life partner.
I love what you said about family being ordained by God and that children deserve to be born and raised in that matter. It's very very true! Great job! I back that 100%. I sometimes wonder if people would allow God to lead them in all of their relationships, what kind of world this would be. What the divorice rate would be and how many cases of marital abuse there would be. MUCH MUCH lower than it is now. If we just allow God to direct us, we would all be so much better off. Thanks for this hub.
Sounds like I would be a typical 1950s chick then! Very interesting and in depth hub, thanks for a great read.
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marisue,
Congratulations on your great accomplishment of 33 years of marriage. I do believe that you are correct in stating that it isn't easy. I think that common beliefs can be very beneficial to maintaining a lasting relationship. I also agree that trials and tribulations WILL come to all relationships and the sooner that is understood, the better prepared one can be when they do come. Thank you for adding your insights to this HUB.
Well said. We are celebrating our 33rd wedding anniversary this May 28th. I will say that what has gotten us through is not only the belief that we wanted to be together forever ( though sometimes just gettihg through the moment was miraculous lol) we always tried to remember that no single event should over power the years past or future. Tomorrow can always be better. God expects us to put for the effort to solve problems.
Yet, I had a Bishop himself tell me that some people were not meant to be together. Sometimes years and events are too negative, too hard to solve the main underlying problem, both aren't working on it, whatever the reason that has dissolved the relationship, it can also be a reason to leave that is supported by God. I know, I have been through both. God delivered me from one and led me to another, years later.
Soo, I think we need to teach how to fulfill commitment, how to treat each other, and how to problem solve. And, how to leave with your heart, sanity, and soul intact. Both are important to our future and life everlasting.
Trials and Tribulations have punctured our marriage many times, but we stood with our feet planted firmly in our beliefs and love. That ain't easy.
Again, Very nicely done. And I doubt you are often in the doghouse. LOL
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Scott,
Sorry about the timing! lol Maybe Tata is right. Who is Tata?
I would happen to read this just a day after Tata is spent an afternoon convincing me that I need to get married, wouldn't you?
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Onlineoverlord,
You are right, 26 is not old for being single. You are also right, don't get married until you find the "right" one, who brings happiness and joy into your life. Thank you for your comments.
I heart BYU, you are breaking my heart. 26 isn't old for being single. As for marriage, don't get married until you find someone you are excited about marrying. I've also noticed the pressure from (married) people to get married, and I have to wonder why they are so insistent that we join the club. I think part of it is that humans tend to like decisions they've made. So, I will like the car I buy more after I buy it than before I made the decision, because it confirms my decision. Married people in part want you to get married because it helps confirm that they made the right decision.
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I heartBYU.
Good things come to those who wait. Your dad was such a "kidder", don't believe a word of that one! When the person comes along that you want to spend eternity with you will know it, and choose it. Thanks for your comment.
Great hub! As always! I am 26 almost 27 and single. I along with others think that is too old to still be single! But it's the most important decision of my life so I can take my time right?! But let's not be honest it's not like guys are beating down my door and I'm being choosey! Beggars can't be choosers is my motto! J/K I'm just having a hard time dealing with how much emphasis is put on looks when it comes to dating. I guess why I'm waiting for guys to get a clue I can do what Larry Nelson said, and work on being the best I can. I just hope I'm married in this life and that my dad was wrong when he said my husband died in the war in heaven!
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Michelle,
You are right about being happy with where ever you are in life. Good for you! Your happiness and enthusiam are contageous.
Diana, my parents are surprised too. LOL Yes, they are still waiting for the "right fisherman" to come. LOL But God and I have other plans, I guess. (chuckles)--that's the loooong story. But I made a vow to myself already. "I am joyful in whatever state of life I am in!" And that has made a lot of difference. :)
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Michelle,
Your marital status is surprising to me, you are obviously such a great catch...you just haven't been hooked by the right fisherman yet! lol You are certainly right though, be the best person you can be and everything WILL fall into place. Thanks for your additional comments to my Hub.
Hi Diana, I found myself grinning when I read this hub. Marriage, (yes Michelle) what AM i waiting for? :) It's a loooong story as to why I'm still single up to now. But I agree with what you wrote that the most important thing is to be the "right" person themselves...in translation, keep on growing, keep on being the best that you can be. And everything will fall into place. Great hub!
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Peter,
Congratulations on finding the love of your life, it is a wonderful thing. I too agree it that marriage is a place of growth for both participants, together. Waiting for the perfect one to come around is just not about to happen. Thanks for your positive comments on marriage.. it is a wonderful part of life.
Great hub, Doghouse. I waited until I was 30, and it was well worth it in the end. But, these long courtships, long engagements, and living together can be very troublesome. I think it is better (and easier) to decide to make a marriage work rather than to wait around for Mr./Mrs. perfect (who will invariably disappoint). If you decide to make a marriage work with your spouse/prospective spouse, you can do it. Good stuff.
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Jawed lqbal,
Yes, believe it or not there are people out there that make it work! It definatly is just that though, WORK. Perhaps that is why so many just simply choose to quit the JOB. But along with that work comes the blessings of seeing the union you entered into blossom and grow. Good luck as you enter a new field. Thanks for commenting.
Wow....so there are people out there who do make marriages work. Seeing about half the people "break their vows" scares me and discourages me from getting married. But your enlightning article has given me new hope.
My intention was to get married "after 30", but being 26 already, I don't think it's any more beneficial to wait. I think I'll take the plunge. Wish me the best ! :-)
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vijayanths,
Thank you for reading and commenting.
great hub on marriage. very informative and interesting as well.
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Bocadike,
Your example is one to be emulated for sure. A marriage of 50 years is an accomplishment that is unmatched. Thank you for your willingness to work together and "make it work" in all circumstances. I will always look up to you, and love you forever, because of the example you are for me.
With the strange standards of today's world the decision to marry can become quite stressful, but I can add my testimony to the sacredness of marriage and the importance of purity. After having a marriage of 50 yrs I can say that life would be extremely empty without marriage and children. When one reaches this point in life and has no progenitors he/she might look back on life and wonder just what has been accomplished. Families are eternal and this is God's plan!
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Jason,
Your point is well taken. I see sex as a big factor in the decision for many to marry and for many not to marry. You are right, I am involved in a church that holds high standards with regard to sexual purity. I am not however, blind to the difficulties many face when striving to live by those standards, some do and frankly some slip up once in a while. In general however, the goal is to wait for marriage to be sexually active. I agree many times we are considered "odd" but that is the standard that the Lord has set, we are just trying to live it. Sometimes our youth get married just to have "legal" sex, and that can be an issue in itself. I appreciate your comments about me sharing my religious views of this institution of marriage, you have shown religious tolerance in a very kind way. Your own testimony of marriage is touching to say the least, thank you for contributing to the quality of my Hub.
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lamps33,
You are completely right about becoming a different person. That is an inevitable process for all... even if you are married this process happens. It won't stop at 30, for you will find when you are 40 you will be a different person too. My point being, that even in marriage this change will take place, and hopeful you will both be merciful and gracious to one another because this change most often than not does not occur at the same pace for both partners. This is part of learning in itself. Thank you for your compliments, I am glad you enjoyed the Hub.
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nana,
Thank you for your added comments and compliments. Marriage is an important issue in the eyes of God in general.
Your hub is well done with a good mix of why delay and why it is important to get married.
I think you left off one very big reason why so many young people delay, one that may trump the ones that you listed. That is sex. As a member of a chruch with an exceptionally strong family / socail group culture you probably don't see it nearly as much as someone, like myself who is not a member of your church. But, it is nevertheless huge.
Up until the 60s and the pill unwed sex brought with it the very real probability of pregnancy. In all prior generations an unwed pregnancy was disaster - especially for the young woman. This was a huge deturant to the general population regardless if they were religious or not, or had a moral value against unwed sex.
With the pill came the "sexual revolution" and "free sex". While those days are over, today it is so common for those in their older teens and certainly early 20s to have a regular sex life as to be considered odd if they don't.
While it seems a terrable reason to get married, many young couples who would have waited, or found a different partner in earlier generations, made the move becaue the fact of sex tipped the scales in favor of marriage.
I say these things only to round out the discussion, not to suggest that either the youth of today or earlier generation were necessarily right, just, as they say, it is what it is.
I think you bring an excellent topic to bear here, and am glad that you add your personal value of marriage with spiritual life with it.
To my deep heart and God felt beliefs they are the most important aspects of life. A great marriage that if founded in respect, and joined as a trinity of two souls with the the eternal love of God is without a doubt the best part of life. Without it, all the rest is a pale reflection of a joy filled life.
Jason
I am 30 and single and quite happy that I have taken time to discover who I am before tying the knot. The difference between when I was 20 and now is huge! I dont think its such a bad thing to wait until later in life to make such an important commitment. Great hub!
Well done hub doghouse.
Such important points that you bring out as to why many wait for marriage as a choice to do so. As well as, what those not choosing to wait so long can do right now to be better prepared.
Thank you for adding more about the teachings of Mormonism where marriage is concerned. It is a nice compliment to my recent hub.
tDMg
LdsNana-AskMormon
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cgull8m,
Thank you for your support of marriage. I think that working together strenghtens a relationship also. Thank you for your comments
I agree with Rob, with marriages they can solve problem and achieve their dreams as well. They are just putting mental barriers.
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bkwrm1967,
I too feel like I was just a baby when I wed, but the growth that my husband and I have had together is priceless. It is truly one way to become more Christlike, as we learn to serve one another and sacrifice for each other. Congratulations on your marriage, may you have many more happy years together! Thanks for reading and commenting, welcome to Hubpages.
I'm not a Mormon, but I agree with what you've said. DH and I have been married for 20+ years. We were children, children I say, when we wed (just barely 20). Sure it's been hard work, but what a blessing from the Lord to be cherished and to cherish.
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jonixk,
Congratulations on your marriage of 15 years. May you have many more ahead of you. I really think that when you learn to sacrifie for each other your love does change into one that has more depth and joy. Thank you for your comments.
I believe in marriage and a relation for life. I'm married for 15 years now, and i continue to think that a relation is for life. I continue loving my wife as i loved 15 years ago.
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Timmy,
And it is a good thing you are! Thanks for reading this...
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Rob,
You are always so kind and generous with your comments. Thank you for reading and adding your further witness to the institution of marriage. Marriage is the one place where you are able to really learn to sacrifice and in turn feel true joy. Thank you for your input. I am glad you liked that picture, so did I!
Right on Diana, makes me want to go out and get married again. Oops, I am already married. Don't tell Lisa
You have written a true gem here! Outstanding is about all I can say. The church is built around people and people are built in families! Marriage is an incredible stewardship mandated by God. It saddens me to hear of the state of marriage today. It's almost like a commodity to sample for awhile and discard at random; regardless of the lives it damages in the process. Thanks again for your strong stance! Your writing is always a blessing to read. Humbling for me :)
I especially like the beach heart photo. I saved it!
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