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Marriage today: Is it really til' death do us part?

Updated on May 29, 2015

My insight into today's standards when it comes to marriage. Bringing love and commitment back.

It seems like everybody is giving up on love. Love is missing in households, communities, music, and society overall. No wonder why forty to fifty percent of married couples in the United States divorce. This saddens me simply because I feel as if people are just using divorce as a cop out and not fighting for the love that they once believed was there. Im not saying that nobody should divorce because you never know someones situation (Domestic violence and disrespect should never be tolerated), but in terms of things that are not as serious and how it's being allowed to separate couples. People have lost their will to fight for who they love. I believe that once you make that vow and promise " til death do you part" you are obligated to stay with that person no matter what happens and work out whatever issue is destroying your relationship. So many times today many couples separate and file for divorce just because the option is simply there, forgetting the vow they promised to one another and made to God.

I honestly just get a different vibe when it comes to love and marriage because of the music that is created today and what is portrayed in the media. In today's music "love" is not talked about or encouraged like it was when my parents were growing up. Instead today people are rapping about drugs, sex, and money. No love family, or staying together (unity). We don't even have any young entertainers ( for example, Jackson 5, Sammie, B2K, Cherish, Pretty Ricky, Destiny's Child). I feel like this is disappointing because we don't have people in our generation singing and rapping about positive and loving things. Most people are listening to Chief Keef ( I'm guilty at times smh) while he disrespects females calling us thots and rap about what drugs he's consuming and how much money he blowing. Like how is this helping your people though? Then in regards to television and media overall we have shows like Love and Hip Hop Atlanta giving a negative example and horrible portrayl of the African-American community. We got men like Kirk who does nothing but cheat on his beautiful wife Rasheeda and Young Joc who messes with multiple females and the list goes on. But my thing is, what is that showing us? Its doing nothing but feeding trash to society and encouraging this immature and disrespectful behavior. What happened to The Proud Family? The Cosby show? Family Matters? The Fresh Prince of Bel Air?Hell! The Brady Bunch??? People clearly only follow what they see. The thing I have a problem with is that in today's marriages people are not communicating how thy feel and they allow things that make them uncomfortable to occur for years and wait until it all builds up and file for a divorce instead of rectifying the issue when you first see it. SPEAK UP! We need a reality check and I'm ringing y'all doorbells because it's getting out of hand! As a community and as a people we need to remember how far we have come. We are doing exactly what our oppressors want us to do when we separate and fight instead of love one another and unite. Ladies, if you and your husband are going through it, it's okay! Nobody is perfect and every couple has their moments. But you have to remember there is a reason you fell in love and married this man (NEVER FORGET!) Y'all better work through your issues. Walking away from your companion and family won't solve anything but only leave a void. We're better together ladies, and that's with anything. Without love, life is nothing. Cherish it. Protect it. Encourage it. But most of all love it! And just remember " I do" is more than two words. It means that you vow to work through whatever adversities you two face together as one. We have to take control of our situation and don't allow it to take control of you. Half the time children are involved and you guys aren't therefore the only ones hurting. Now your kids have no idea what to look up to or if love is even real. Remember it's all a cycle. Know who you are committing to and make certain to put God at the head of your marriage. Without him and prayer of course your marriage failed because nothing is possible without him. Overall, I just want us to do better as a people. Love and support each other. Don't lose hope. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect. I hope this message helps someone. Remember you are beautiful and God loves you!

Sincerely,

Tierra Navia

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 23 months ago

      Human beings make mistakes!

      Not everyone hit's the love jackpot or chooses the right mate for them self. It's unrealistic to expect people to make mistakes in every area of their life (except) for who they date and marry.

      When it's all said and done a divorce is nothing more than a public admission that a "mistake" was made in the mate selection of someone.

      Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us fail our way to success. If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts.

      More often than not people who say getting a divorce is a "cop out" or the "easy way out" have never personally gone through a divorce!

      Trust me it's a lot easier to get married than going through a divorce!

      Ideally we learn to make better choices for ourselves in the future.

      Generally speaking there are 3 causes for divorce.

      1. Choosing the wrong mate for oneself

      2. Getting married for the wrong reasons

      3. Stopped being the person who won their mate's heart/grew apart

      People choose the wrong mate when they haven't figured out who they are let alone what they want and need in mate for life before pursing relationships and marriage. This often happens to those who get married early in life. They allow impulsive connections and happenstance to dictate their relationship choice.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Oftentimes people get married for the wrong reasons when they have an age goal, an ultimatum was given, an unplanned pregnancy, all of their friends were getting married, just got tired of being single and decided to marry the next person they dated, was about to ship out on military duty.

      A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.

      Marriage is a living entity much like a garden that requires nurturing and maintenance. Unfortunately over time each person may evolve or decide they want to go in a different direction then their mate.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. We either accept them as is or move on.

      Each person is entitled to have their own "deal breakers".

      A recent study determined that (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces in the U.S. It has been speculated that better job opportunities and higher pay for women has given them more independence than the women in the 1960s and earlier.

      The more options one has the less crap they'll put up with!

      Lastly no one on their wedding day plans to get divorced. As a society we emphasize couples therapy for marriages in trouble however it might be best to stress (pre-marital) counseling.

      Staying married for the wrong reasons is just as bad is getting married for the wrong reasons. One man's opinion!

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