Marriage Will Change You
Marriage is all about change.
Marriage is all about change. Change is not something to be feared and/or avoided. Rather, it is something to be anticipated, embraced and used for our own good. Marriage is all about embracing change and using it for the common good of the union. Marriage was ordained to increase us, to help us do more and mature. You cannot be in a healthy marriage relationship and refuse to change. A healthy and enduring marriage relationship is a journey in change and adjustments by the parties involved, as they study and get to know each other. For one or both parties not wanting to change spells doom for the relationship. It means one or both parties will not be happy, or fulfilled in the relationship.
When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. (Joseph Campbell)
Marriage is analogous to two persons going for a walk. For them to walk together and not leave each other behind they both have to walk at a new speed. This new speed is different from the speed of either of them. It is some new speed which suits their interaction, while they walk with a sense of commonality, enjoying each other’s company. Imagine if one person decides not to change and force the other to walk at his or her pace. The one having to adjust sure will not be a happy camper. And, will not be free to fully yield of his/her best. Rather than being renewed by the relationship, the oppressed feels used, drained and abused. The abuser on the other hand is depriving (shortchanging) him/herself of the treasure in his/her partner that is meant to increase/bless him/her.
None of us has arrived. We are each on a journey of perfection. That is one of the pivotal intent of marriage. It is to disturb our comfort zone so that we can grow. It is to intrude our privacy and hypocrisy to the intent of unmasking us. It is to open the wounds we have hitherto given artificial covering to, and cause it on the path of true healing.
When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary. (Unknown)
As it relates to marriage, people are taught to look for someone who is compatible with them. It means both parties need to have some basic, fundamental commonalities that bring them together. This does not mean they have to agree on every single thing. There are no two people who are completely compatible. It is okay to agree to disagree respectfully. It takes nothing away from your marriage and/or relationship. Rather, it enriches it.
If you are dating someone who agrees with you on every single topic there is a problem. Don’t rejoice. You are dating either a dead person or a phony. Someone is out to devour you. If your spouse agrees with you on every single issue, you are in trouble. Don’t rejoice. You have been marked for the slaughter. He/she has simply gone into a state of passivity. He/she is simply marking time either to leave or get back at you.
No two persons are exactly alike.
No two persons are exactly alike. That is why it is called “PERSONALITY” – that which makes a person unique. If your partner is exactly like you, in every single way, then one of you is useless. Until you are confident and comfortable in your personality you are not ready for marriage. And, for those yet dating, please don’t marry a person who is uncomfortable with your personality. If you do, you are entering an already failed marriage.
© 2018 Akin Akinbodunse