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Marriage, Adultery & Soul Mates—It’s Natural to be Attracted to Someone Other Than Your Spouse

Updated on May 3, 2013

A client of ours told us that she is comfortable with not committing adultery. She says that the bible indicates that lusting after another is still considered adultery; the intent and interest is still there, so she'd feel guilty about doing even that. She feels that since she married her husband, she should be entirely focused on loving him and no one else.

However, she says that her twin soul mate is on the other side (deceased), and that she has a very strong connection to him and can't keep from thinking of him and wanting him sexually.

She asked us if we think her love for her twin soul mate would be considered adulterous, even though she says she has never even met him in person (in this life). She said she's trying to train herself to focus strictly on platonic love with her twin soul mate, but it isn't easy as she keeps reverting back to wanting him romantically.

We recommended that she reassess her belief of "twin soul mates" (or "twin flames," etc. as some call them) as it's debatable whether or not it's a New Age myth.

Although there are different kinds of soul mates, the concept of one, perfect, fulfilling, ultimate love interest for each person is rooted in distorted idealism rather than truth, as many in our field involving past life research have found.

A twin flame or twin soul is thought to be a soul who "completes" you, who is your "other half." We feel this concept is rooted in fear of being alone and a lack of self-love. It's an earthbound, fear-based concept.

Self-love is the only true love and nobody can give you what you don't or can't give yourself.

A soul mate is defined as someone you have known in a prior life and everyone has many soul mates. Some are family, some are co-workers, some are enemies, and some are lovers. Some soul mate connections involve mostly challenge, and some (few) involve mostly reward.

Unfortunately, personal growth and shared goals are much more common in soul mate connections instead of exclusively blissful romance.

We told the client that it's unhealthy to suppress her true urges, and that we don't recommend trying to fool herself into thinking that she doesn't have sexual attraction to someone other than her husband.

It's natural to be attracted to and have fantasies about someone other than a spouse or partner. What may not be natural for many is strict, long-term monogamy. Once she accepts this, it may be easier for her to channel her love and lust to her husband.

However, attraction is either there or it isn't; you can't create it if it's not there from the start.

Also, fantasizing about love for someone who is no longer living or who isn't available may be a way for her to express love without getting hurt or suffering other consequences. We told her to ask herself if that applies to her and whether or not leaving the past behind would serve her.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

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