- Gender and Relationships
Marriage, Divorce & Soul Mates – Expectation of a Lifetime Partner is Rooted in Fear
If a woman is attracted to a man, it's in her best interest to tell him. Many guys won't flirt or make it clear that they are romantically interested in you until you make it obvious that you are interested too. Don't over-analyze it, just go with the flow and realize that rejection, if it happens, is just part of the dating process.
It's best to avoid thinking in all-or-nothing terms (the beginning of a wonderful relationship, or nothing). Just let it be what it's meant to be. Most relationships, no matter how brief, offer valuable rewards and lessons.
Too many people expect a new love interest to be "the one" and avoid those who aren't exactly all they demand in a partner (and too often, they personally don't even meet those excessive demands). After a date or two they learn that the person does not fulfill every single item on their ideal romantic partner list, so they bail and start looking for the next one (or stay with that person until they find another so they don't have to be alone).
It's a good idea to remember to let each connection be what it's meant to be and stop looking for perfection and expecting your date to be what he or she "should" be. Very few people you'll meet will be even close to "the one" and you'll only enjoy longer term, rewarding, hassle-free, compatible love relationships if you've earned them, in a karmic sense (as can be outlined through comprehensive numerological and astrological charting).
Being together in a fulfilling decades-long relationship is the fate, in our view, of some couples. Also, being married or partnered in a strictly monogamous relationship for 20, 40, or even 60 years is desired by many, but is it always for the highest good of all involved? No. To think that you can avoid complacency and growing apart, and to demand emotional, mental, romantic, and sexual fulfillment for decades with the same person (especially when two people marry young) is silly. A better approach is to drop all expectations upon entering a relationship.
If it's destined to be long-term, great. If not, be grateful for the experience, wish him or her well, and move on.
Rarely, if ever, do people know all the hidden, behind-closed -doors details about those dear, elderly couples who stay together for decades. Remember, you were blacklisted from society only a couple generations ago if you got divorced, so some couples stayed together, suffered, and played the game to avoid being ostracized. Plus, men and women had fixed, specific roles back then, so if they divorced, who would cook for him and who would do the yard work for her?
Today, many still hope to have a "lifetime" relationship, but an increasing number are acknowledging that divorce is reasonable for couples that grow apart. If handled maturely and fairly, divorce can be a good thing for both people (and if it's unavoidably a more challenging situation, then, in our view, it was meant to be that way). Those who refuse to acknowledge this seem to have dependency problems, fear about being financially secure, have difficulty being alone, have a rough time with change, or perceive relationships too idealistically.
More and more people are accepting the notion that if one person is unhappy and wants out, then it's pointless to stay together, and selfish of the other person if he demands she stay. You might say, "what about the kids?" Kids know if their parents are just going through the motions and doing so sets a bad example. Besides, a family doesn't have to "break up" if the parents are both mature enough to remain friends, or at least civil and fair to each other.
By the way, we advocate legal agreements (however "unromantic" they may seem) between two adults before having any children, whether or not they get married, to protect the children and help minimize future disagreements and problems between their parents.
What you hope for in your romantic life might be destined, but if it's not, as long as you react to fate with unconditional love and compassion, you'll be on good ground.
Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo