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Married more than Once

Updated on November 8, 2016
DDE profile image

I learned about making sheep's wool during my stay in South Africa. An interesting process to oversee.

Married lives

Unhappy moments

Unhappy conversations and a lot of tension about marriage.
Unhappy conversations and a lot of tension about marriage. | Source
No communication.
No communication. | Source
Unhappy moments.
Unhappy moments. | Source
A  wedding cake for happy times.
A wedding cake for happy times. | Source
Happy moments don't always last.
Happy moments don't always last. | Source

Marriages

Do the second, and third marriages work out better than the first marriages?

In most cases, the second marriages end up in the exact same way, as the first marriages. in divorce cases.

Why?

When a couple divorces from their first marriage, they don't solve the main problem of their marriage.

That problem gets carried on to their second marriages.

Walking away from the problem is not going to solve anything. It increases the problem in the second and third time round marriages.

You marry someone to whom you first thought was the love of your life, or will be your long lasting partner.

All that changes when you finally tie the knot.

Pleasing your partner can just fade away like a click of a finger.

One woman married her one and only but that did not last.

Immediately after the wedding night everything changed for the worst. He moved himself into the basement.

He slept all day and worked night and day shifts.

She started their married life alone from the very next day.

The whole situation went on for over forty years. She could not walk away in the beginning and had stayed thinking that it would be a mistake if she had left.

The mistake was made for her not moving out in the beginning. She felt that if she moved it would be all her fault.

Is that right?

Blaming herself was wrong.

Another case as follows:

The individual had three marriages, and all three marriages had not worked out.

This person married for all the wrong reasons.

Most couples hate their marriages and stay in these marriages for the rest of their lives for different reasons.

Some partners meet other people online to pass their time and conversations.

The constant picking on each other for their appearances, and bad habits can also take a marriage to another level.

Partners who don't have a clue of where the other is at on certain occasions, is another plan of their own.

When partners should be paying attention to one another, at least one of them will go on a different path and neglect the other.

Unhappy Marriages

Why do partners feel bored and unhappy?

Marriage is often taken for granted.

Some marriages are faced with all the unhappy signs, and their issues can't be fixed or saved. Marrying for the wrong reasons is a huge problem for many couples. Meeting someone from a rocky marriage, and then to marry that person over time can get you right in that very same spot.

You can feel like you have this uniqueness between you and the other person but does it all pay off?

You can be in two different parts of the world and still have issues.

Whether you are in a long distance relationship, or close together it is tough when you make commitment to the other person.

For example:

She met her husband over five years ago and for two years all they had was fights and arguments.

Communication is lost and rarely do they spend quality time together.

The lack of quality time can put any relationship astray.

Talking often turns into a big fight.

He is faced with a second marriage, and repeating the same mistakes and had got him and his partner in a rut.

You can't live in a marriage if your partner does not show care or love for the other.

It is difficult to be with someone when communication can no longer fit in to their daily lives.

People sometimes live in denial and won't admit their marriage is over.

She is married for over thirteen years and her husband is living in denial. He won't admit their marriage is over. They have not kissed in ten years and rarely share intimacy. He won't get a divorce and she wants one.

Years can pass by and you can be most unhappy in your marriage. Married for the second time and living under false pretenses of being happy is not the way to live your precious lives.

It is heartbreaking when partners spend most of their lives with one person, and then one day it feels like nothing can hold these two people together anymore.

Sadly, this happens to many couples.

Learning from your mistakes can make your life better.

When you don't think of what went wrong and of how to get a problem fixed in your first marriage, your second and third marriages would often end up as the first marriage.

  • After seven years of marriage she could not live it anymore.

The emotional pain and physical drain had made her feel depressed and alone.

Sometimes you really don't know where to start.

Married for over twenty years, and one day she realized how much had been lost in what was once such a great marriage.

She could not remember when the last time they kissed that passionately.

The spark had died out.

Nothing special happened anymore.

Everything just disappeared.

Sometimes love just not enough!

When your partner is not cheating on you but neglects you in every way, that too can cause a lot of unhappiness in a marriage.

There is no perfect marriage. The moment you don't have any thing to talk about something or someone is going down. The silent treatment can get you in a very lonely place.

When you start to feel distant from your partner and then what?

You got to get out whatever is on your mind. Save your marriage and fix the problem. Going to a second and third marriage is not going to change you in any way. It would ruin your reputation and make you lonely all over again.

Emotionally, second and third marriages can destroy you.

Marrying for the second and third time is that all worth it?

A first marriage can be for you escaping a boring life. You could have also chosen your partner for all the wrong reasons.

She married him for the wrong reasons. They were young and living with strict parents marriage was the answer for her to get out of that boring life.

Years later she realized that was a wrong decision.

He was outgoing, funny and very impressive to be with and his family loved her. They had family gatherings and was popular for their great lifestyle while her family was the complete opposite.

She realized her mistake and was heartbroken.

They are currently going through a divorce.

Second and third marriages are not all bad marriages.

One gets older and wiser and chooses differently, and with great thought. The second and third marriages can work out. (Not for everyone)

You can't always have happiness in your life.

To divorce and remarry won't always be the wrong idea. For some people second and third marriages last longer and love can be shown in a special way.

Hanging on to what no longer exists can corrupt any present relationship.

Good things don’t last forever.

Everything is temporary in life.

Enjoy what you have and make the most of love and married lives.

Never take anything for granted.

You won't be there forever to make your problems right, wrong, and fix or save your marriage.

Life is what you make of it.

You can have a better understanding in your second marriage.

Share better and love better.

A change is good but you can't do the same old all over again. Accept change in a second marriage and move on.

If you haven't changed you haven’t moved on!

I often hear the following phrase but to no avail.

''If I knew then what I know now imagine how different my life would have been?

Marriage for better or worse

Marriage in a Catholic church.
Marriage in a Catholic church. | Source
The symbol of marraiges.
The symbol of marraiges. | Source

Fix Marriages

Marriage vows

How would you save an unhappy marriage?

See results

Great experiences

I write from all experiences.
I write from all experiences. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Voted up and Interesting!

      Human beings make mistakes!

      When it's all said and done a divorce is nothing more than a public admission that a mistake was made in the (mate selection) process. The two main causes for divorce in my opinion are:

      1) Choosing the wrong mate for oneself. This usually happens when one has not taken the time to do the necessary introspective thinking to figure out who they (are) let alone what they want or need in a mate for life. Pursuing relationships at this point is equivalent to going shopping without a list! Such people often allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.

      2) Getting married for the wrong reasons. These may include having an "age goal" to be married by, all of their friends are married, there is an unplanned pregnancy, someone was given an ultimatum, they simply got tired of being single and made up their mind to marry the "next" person.

      No one plans to get divorced on their wedding day. Over the years they recognize they've made a mistake, someone commits a "deal breaker" such as infidelity, verbal/physical abuse, or drug/alcohol addiction, and in some instances people gradually grow apart or want different things.

      Marriage is neither an exact science or a mathematical formula.

      We make a what we believe is a "lifetime decision" on (one day) in our life based upon months or a couple of years of courtship. There is nothing to say that the traits one determines makes for an "ideal mate" at age 22 will be what they want at 32 or 42.

      Everything and everyone changes overtime. Communication is the GPS tool to let a couple know if they're "growing together' or "growing apart".

      I do believe it is possible for a person to (learn) from past mistakes and go onto have a happier and more fulfilling second or third marriage. However it does come down to addressing what the true issue was.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Great points. One has to work at keeping a marriage fresh and alive. Otherwise it will die a slow death like so many others.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      Yes we have to work at it but that means both people.

      Marrying too young and not talking to each other are the two biggest reasons, apart from the main one - infidelity!!

      I prefer to think that you learn from mistakes and therefore you have much more idea about what you're doing and you make wiser decisions.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      It takes more courage to be vulnerable enough to "fall in love" a second or third time than it does the first time. :)

      The easiest thing to do is give up on love and marriage after experiencing heartache or a painful divorce. Ideally you do gain wisdom.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Sometimes it takes the second time before you get it right. Staying together just for the childrens sake is not good for the couple or the children. Great article, interesting....

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is interesting, Devika. You've raised some points that I haven't thought of before. Thank you for sharing them.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi dashingscorpio As usual an interesting comment from you. I don't believe there is a wrong or right partner for anyone. Two people can grow together or apart for the different choices they make. What partners choose to do with their live in making their marriages boring or exciting that is entirely up to the tow people involved in their marriages. A vow should be taken seriously. I admire your insight on this topic. Thank you for the cote up and interesting.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc thank you very much.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Ann Great words from you about this topic.You always share your comments directly. Thank you and all my best to you. DDE!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      dashingscorpio thank you and I appreciate your opinions here.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      always exploring thank you for sharing your mind here.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      AliciaC thank you for stopping by, it means a lot to me to know what my readers think of my work. I appreciate all comments from you.

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 2 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Hi Devika,

      Another great read which readers will take many pointers from I am sure. The long road of married life as many hurdles and for some those hurdles are to much trouble to negotiate others just simply can not be bothered to compromise for whatever reason. It is a sad part of Human Nature that you write about so well. Voted up interesting and useful.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      D.A.L. Thank for all votes. Your presence at my hubs encourages me more to continue sharing my ideas. All my best to you.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 2 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Great useful hub about marriage and relationships.

      I believe, both partners should sincerely make efforts to make the marriage work, before calling it off. Understanding and communication is very important.

      We do have misunderstandings in other relationships, but we try to fix it. Then why not marriage!

      Thanks for sharing another thought provoking hub!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

      A great hub Devika and once I am sure that will be useful to many.

      Eddy.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Eddy thank you very much for stopping by at my hubs.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      ChitrangadaSharan Thank you for the constant support so glad you came by. I appreciate you taking the time to comment at my hubs.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago from Texas

      My second marriage is totally different from my first marriage. My first marriage, he would have been abusive if I had allowed it. He was scared of me.

      Voted-up, UAI and shared.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      All I have to say is one word to dashing scorpio: "BINGO!"

      He said it all and he said it well. Nothing to add or subtract. Great article Devika...you always do a nice job. UP++

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Shyron E Shenko thank you for the vote up UAI and shared. I appreciate you sharing your mind here.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      fpherj48 Thank you for the UP++ I appreciate you sharing a comment here.

    • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

      TIMETRAVELER2 2 years ago

      I agree with Dashing Scorpio...but then I usually do! Any relationship must be based on love, respect, trust and understanding. The trick is to find that one person who shares those values with you! Great article!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      TIMETRAVELER2 Thank you. Reading a comment from you makes me ever so pleased.

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 2 years ago

      I think you must solve all problems even before you re enter into any type of relationship. thanks for the read.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi torrilynn not all issues can be solved before marriage most issues got to be worked through the marriage your comments are appreciated thank you.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 2 years ago from Arizona

      Great job DDE I love the layout of this Hub and the detail that went into it. I also love the pics. You have provided very resourceful information that couples should focus on in difficult times! Voted up interesting and useful! Tweeted out!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      swilliams Thank you for the Tweet, vote up, and interesting. I appreciate your comments.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 2 years ago from Florida

      I was fortunate to have a wonderful husband. We were married for 28 years until his untimely death at the age of 54. I never remarried because I don't think I would ever find another man like him.

      I do have friends who marry for the second and third times, and they are still unhappy; too bad.

      Very interesting and informative Hub, voted UP, etc.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi mary615 People who choose to marry for than once often are not the happiest. Thank you for the vote up, and etc. I appreciate you stopping by.

    • savvydating profile image

      savvydating 2 years ago

      Sadly, 2nd marriages have an even higher rate of divorce, and the percentage rate goes up for each successive marriage. So you're right. Before we head into the next marriage, we had better figure out what we did wrong (or how we chose wrongly) the last time around, so that we can avoid making the same exact mistake all over again. Some people have a hard time staying alone, so they end up "marrying their dates." Not a good thing.

      A very useful hub, DDE.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      savvydating thank you very much for stopping by. It has been a while since you came by I appreciate your valuable comment.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      People tend to make the same mistakes, just with different people. Behavioral patterns ...

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway Thank you for showing up here. I am so glad you did.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 2 years ago from Arizona

      As always your relationship Hubs touch on some vital points. Thanks for providing detailed aspects relating to second marriages DDE! Voted up interesting!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      swilliams thank you for all votes I appreciate you stopping by. Sometimes married for more than one can be a mistake.

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