ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Marry for Love or Not

Updated on November 8, 2016
DDE profile image

I learned about making sheep's wool during my stay in South Africa. An interesting process to oversee.

Did you Marry for Love or Power?

Source
Source
Source
Source

Marriage and committment

Did you marry for love, money, or did you marry for a Green Card?

In some cultures, if you marry for love, that means an unlucky streak.

The individual is recognized as manipulative, and as a bad person.

  • Why do some cultures believe this nonsense as you may think?

People from this background feel individuals are wrong, exploitative, and that there is something wrong with these individuals.

The other reason individuals are mainly taught to marry for love, and it is the right thing to do when committing to each other.

  • Is love a luxury?

Marrying for love usually means you have everything in life.

For many years Western people married for political reasons, and to have the power of money rather than love.

When marriage was about everything else but love there was no major issues, or anything to really worry about.

When couples made love the reason for marrying the divorce rate increased rapidly.

People have made marriages stronger by increasing their levels of love, and in making romance the important need for them.

In this way the situation weakened the whole idea of a marriage.

What actually happens in a marriage is the romance fades away and love dies and in the process emotions are not changeable.

Marrying for reasons such as having children with a partner, or of what you feel is a worthy deal to you. To parent your relationship and that all will be taken care of financially.

Also,for the need of companionship.

Such marriages last longer knowing the reason is not about love, instead for a defined purpose.

  • Why is this so?

There are less expectations of the individual, they are themselves, and each partner is not expecting anything in return from the other, just a simple agreement is fair enough.

Some may think this way of a marriage is to settle, for but it is not to settle for but wisdom of a marriage that is occurring more and more to least expect something from your partner.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't love your partner when you marry, but love shouldn't be the only thing in your relationship.

Far too many relationships are taken for granted and is being confused with love.

  • ''You love the person so you got to be there and do it.'

Here is why it is not wise to marry for love.

You must have realized now how easily and quickly you can fall in and out of love, relationships ends as fast as it happens.

Before you know it you want to get out of that relationship, feelings grow and change all the time.

In using love as the main connection there isn't enough glue to stick on love disappears.

If the connection is lost between two people, or as the glue dries out then where does your relationship stand for you?

  • Why love doesn't make a solid foundation?

Love can evaporate and this is what doesn't make love as strong as you really think it is in your world.

If you build your base on love everything crumbles if it is in a long-term relationship.

  • What do you really need in your relationship?

Mutual respect.

You need to share interests.

Be compatible.

Be able to see each other through your eyes not just about love.

You need a lasting relationship together more than you need love.

Love doesn't always carry you a long way.

Love also has other meanings such as deeply caring for the other person.

A deep investment in the other person’s happiness

Life is viewed from both sides of the partners like feeling the pain of the other partner, the joy, frustration just as if it were your own emotions.

This can be useful when conflict arises in order to see both sides of the argument.

They feel the need to make each other feel appreciated.

Some people won't enter a relationship unless they feel a large portion of love for the other person. It would be meaningless.

Healthy marriages are not cold emotionless experiences it is just not mostly about love.

  • Love is not capricious!

If you have respect and shared goals to sign a dozen binding unbreakable contracts, and love is not there, then what you have is merely an honest business partner.

Love off-course bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.

  • Love is not completely lost in your list.

In my opinion the tolerance to each other is the key for a long term relationship

A marriage must have that deep caring appreciation for each other. Something to be worthy of and it is that deep need to work together.

In marrying for other reasons rather than love it is extremely rare to a marriage as in the above-mentioned.

You marry and take away the rights of a woman, this affects a marriage mentally and problems are faced with shamefully.

  • Do you think it is unfair if love is not primarily used in a marriage?

True love between any two people requires trust.

Most won't agree of this kind of marriage where love is not the primary use on the list.

Some will understand the points made here, and it can also sound cold and bitter.

Is love, respect, compatibility, shared goals, or is it shallow?

What is this hub about?

  • Is it about romantic love or a loveless marriage?

Western ideas of marrying for love so think about what kind of love is implied by Western marriages?

  • Is it always a romantic love?

  • People grow and change all the time is this worth considering?

  • Is commitment one of your shared goals?

  • Is acceptance part of respect?

  • Would you want be in a sexless marriage?

  • Does love make you a better and stable person?

  • Does love make you take responsibility for your actions?

  • Is attitude the best motivator?

  • Do you think arranged marriages would work better in the western world?

You have the full romantic love relationship, and in hope not to lose the attraction.

To avoid ending up in a divorce you are united with a stranger with hope that person will turn out to be a good person.

The attitude in an arranged marriage is to make it work, regardless of what others have to say.

Initially you will have a low-emotional bond which gradually would be worked on.

Most people don't enter into romantic-love based marriages with an attitude biased towards separating it. The love wanes but those who do are hardly to be blamed.

Well, that is what I think of the situation.

Logically, there is no need to stay married if you don't have love.

The problem is most couples believe in Hollywood ideas of romance and base their relationships on a fairy tale.

You can't always like the person you marry but you also can't be in a cold relationship.

No one can be good enough you.

  • Love is definitely required but in spoonfuls is this how you see a marriage?

  • Do you think this is a silly Hub?

Due to mutual trust and devotion relationships can last longer than you expected.

Love is simply the feeling of attraction. It can be explained when there's a high level of serotonin dopamine norepinephrine.

A feeling that makes one think of another that is what love is all about.

  • What is this hub telling you?

If love is highly important to you then maybe you should not marry.

The choices that women have in this modern day are fairly good and it is also fine with the institution of marriage being weakened.

Sometimes sacrifices in a marriage can put you under pressure it makes you feel better without a marriage.

One could feel trapped by marriage this for religious beliefs, like when divorce is forbidden and when you finally are free of such a marriage a whole new life begins with you.

To leave your past life there and to be free from a loveless marriage.

The more choices people have, the more divorces pop up.

Most people don't have to feel trapped in their relationships anymore.

Couples who have lasted in marriages for more than twenty years had at some point thought of a divorce.

That too is no perfect marriage but these couples chose not to go through a divorce for other reasons.

Love, in the sense that many think of is a feeling that comes and goes. People can get on your nerves, they hurt your feelings, and can let you down.

Once your feelings are hurt love becomes boring and love vanishes.

The problem is that high of love comes in the beginning of a relationship naturally but over time love doesn’t come by so naturally. Life gets in the way, the hard times interferes with the feelings of love.

It takes work to get better at what they feel or do. Most people are not raised to value others anymore. It often gets to a point when one seeks divorce because everything gets too much to handle.

Lifestyles change for the better or for the worse.

Those couples who have gone by with each other for decades and never thought of divorce are rare and blessed with such marriages.

  • What makes them the so good couples?

Communication.

They are a good at apologizing.

Taking responsibility.

Forgiving.

They remember to nurture their relationship.

They have committed to each other.

Did divorce become more common because love entered into the equation in marriage ?

Did divorce become easier to obtain and more acceptable?

Why Did you Choose Marriage?

Marry for love

Why did you Marry?

See results

Marriage vows

The open-minded writer who enjoys sharing her interests.
The open-minded writer who enjoys sharing her interests. | Source

© 2013 Devika Primić

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Good Day passionate77, thank you for leaving such encouraging comments I appreciate your efforts have a pleasant day.

    • passionate77 profile image

      passionate77 3 years ago

      you pointed out rightly devika compatibility, trust, forgiving, mutual respect makes a relationship last longer and and these are the basics of a sacred bond like marriage, good hub, interesting and well written. blessings dear for sharing such a nice work.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Anamika S, thanks for vote up and shared so glad you came by

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Faith Reaper thank you for votes up and shared and for the kind comments from you as always

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S 3 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      Whatever be the reasons for marriage, Compatibility between couples is extremely important for marriages to last. Good hub, voted up and shared.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Interesting perspective here, Devika. We were so young when we got married, I do not know if we even knew what real love was or meant. We pretty much grew up together and are best friends and I am a believer in once I make that covenant of marriage, it is for life. That means we go through the good, the bad and even the ugly together forever.

      Up and more

      Blessings, Faith Reaper

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Good Morning CraftytotheCore love is unlucky in some Asian cultures and nobody is perfect to find that true person in most first marriages or relationships sounds like you are happier now than before nice to hear from you with another valuable comment thank you

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Well-written and delightful to read as usual DDE! You have magnificent insight in to such tender topics. I love 5 ways to infuse joy using apples.

      I am divorced and can honestly say that the marriage didn't fail just due to one reason. We probably weren't really compatible in the beginning, but were blinded. My husband now is so wonderful. We have a mutual respect for each other that I've never experienced before in my life. That is one ingredient I lacked in my first marriage.

      I had never heard that marrying for love is unlucky in some cultures. Fascinating!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Vickiw great to keep busy on other stuff too we are now going towards winter and today is rain, windy and getting colder take care now.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 3 years ago

      Hi again DDE my blog site keeps me quite busy these days, but you can find me at www.griefcanheal.com. Nice to read here again, now that I am more settled. Thanks for your welcome back. Hope you are having good weather.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi rose-the planner so glad you came by and it has been a while since you came by thank you very much for commenting without love a marriage can be cold and bitter.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi vespawoolf definitely loves adds spice to life, thank you for sharing your thoughts here

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Good Morning Vickiw I haven't read a new hub from you in a while hope you start something new soon. I agree with you marriage requires a 100% no matter what, well said. So kind of you to come by and it has been a while thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      sheilamyers you have your point of view here and I agree with that too, marry for love and not power or money. Real love how much of that exists? Thank you for sharing your view here.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      My Cook Book thank you fro commenting

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Good Morning dashingscorpio, I found your comment very interesting, marry for love is my way of thinking and so true in what you mentioned of the various ways of couples marrying and so much to think about from your valuable comment. Thank you for sharing whats on your mind.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi billybuc marrying for love is the key to a good marriage my way too. Thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Shyron E Shenko, thanks for the vote and interesting thoughts from you thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi FlourishAnyway so glad you came by and shared your experience marrying for love is my way thank you

    • rose-the planner profile image

      rose-the planner 3 years ago from Toronto, Ontario-Canada

      A very insightful and interesting article! I believe that marriage means different things in different parts of the world. In western society, for example, the idea of marrying for love was popularized during the 19th Century or the Victorian era. One would like to think that the element of love is the basis for most marriages but for many cultures love does not play a predominant role as in the case of many arranged marriages. For me personally, I couldn't imagine a marriage without love. Regardless of what reason people enter into a marriage, one thing is for sure, it takes a lot of hard work, patience, understanding,and compromise to work. Great article as usual! Thank you for sharing. (Voted up). -Rose

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 3 years ago from Peru, South America

      I agree...there are more reasons for marriage than love. And there must be many more factors involved in a marriage for it to last. But I think love is the ingredient that makes the marriage enjoyable. All marriages have their ups and downs, but love adds spice to life.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 3 years ago

      Hi DDE, I think love means different things to different people, so it is quite hard to decide if people have just married for love or not. I think it is really important to have many things in common, and for each also to have their own interests when thinking about marriage. But often lust is mistaken for love, and that does tend to disappear. The most happiness seems to occur when both parties are willing to give 100% to the marriage! no matter what happens.

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 3 years ago

      I totally disagree with what you've presented. You claim one reason love doesn't work as a basis is because people fall in and out of love quickly. If this is happening, then what they have is not real love. Real love is sticking with the person you're with regardless of the circumstances. No, real love does not evaporate. Money, power, and all of our worldly possessions can disappear in an instant and then what do we have left? If there isn't real love as the foundation for that relationship, I can guarantee that relationship won't last without those external things. Real love is the only thing that lasts and should be the basis for any marriage.

    • My Cook Book profile image

      Dil Vil 3 years ago from India

      Nice and well written hub. Thank you for sharing.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Most people in the U.S. are not forced to marry anyone by their family. The vast majority of us are not wealthy either. Therefore I would say we tend to marry because we are "in love" or think we are "in love". There are some percentages of people that get married because they fear they're running out of time, circumstances such as an unplanned pregnancy, or one was given an ultimatum by their mate.

      Very few "rank and file" people meet and marry rich or famous people.

      Marriage is a "lifestyle choice". We have couples like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell who have (lived together) for over 30 years and then we've had married couples like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries who split up after only 72 days of marriage. Some would say the latter was a "committed relationship" because they exchanged vows. However it is impossible to tell a couple who has been together for 30 years that they aren't in a committed relationship! Clearly if the divorce rate is in the U.S. is around 50% it's hard to argue that marriage means commitment.

      Marriage expectations have changed over the years especially women's expectations of their husbands. Husbands are expected to be more "hands on" with raising children, changing diapers, and helping with homework than previous generations. Women of today earn more money than their grand-mothers and therefore they do not have to put up with as much crap if they're unhappy in a marriage. More money, more options. Why waste your life with someone if you're unhappy and don't need them financially? Women initiate 66% of all divorce filings in the U.S.

      With the advent of the sexual revolution, better birth control methods, the removal of the stigma of living together or having children out of wedlock and a divorce rate hovering around 50%, it's almost any wonder that people still want to get married!

      The reality is most of us still believe in romance and "happily ever after" on some level. We're also very "nostalgic" when it comes to many of our traditions. Lastly there is the religious factor for some folks. Very few people live their entire lives without getting married at least once in the U.S. With more and more states passing "marriage equality" laws allowing for gays and lesbians to marry we're more likely to see an even higher increase in the number of marriages taking place!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm laughing at your poll. Bev and I certainly didn't marry for money. We can rule that out immediately. LOL Love all the way my friend.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      Hi Devika, this is interesting and voted that way. I could not answr you survey, if you added 'none of the above.'

      First time I got married, it was to get away from home bacause I was a stupid little girl and did not know that I could take care of myself.

      Second time was strictly for love!

      This is a good hub.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      I got married for love, common values and interests, because he was a good person who'd make a good father, and he made me laugh like no one else. I enjoyed reading your perspective on this.