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Mary and Adam

Updated on July 28, 2011
A Hard Road To Climb
A Hard Road To Climb | Source

A fateful Day

Mary and Adam.

How many times have I told myself not to become involved, reiterated time and time again to myself to take a back seat? Have I ever learned, not at all, because I have done it all again? But this time I have really got myself into a pickle. This time I will be looking at the Situations Vacant in my local press.

Recently I have been fortunate to have been caring for a lady who has given me so much inspiration. A beautiful lady, proud and elegant, and I shall change the names from here to save embarrassment. I will call this lady Mary.

Mary resides with her husband of thirty four years, her three dogs, and a gorgeous cat called Boris. She had lived a very privileged life, and money has never been an issue from early childhood. Her husband is a successful and dynamic business man, whose hobbies include collecting the finest, most expensive wines from all around the world, and keeping his race horses in the comfort of the best training yards in Ireland. They were a very compatible and secure couple.

Adam and Mary took a joint decision many years ago that they didn’t want to share their lives with children. A decision that has now given Mary a great deal of heartache; she was never short of love and attention as she was the whole world in a nutshell to Adam. They were never apart. Skiing holidays, a beautiful villa in Portugal and many business trips worldwide was their oyster. Parties and celebration fund raising events were scattered all over the pages of their diary, and they had no shortage of friends.

Mary took sick several years ago, she felt nauseas’ after eating her supper and retired to bed. The headache was over powering her, and to her alarm, there appeared a bruised area on her forehead. She began to run a temperature and her limbs began to ache, and Adam panicked and called for the paramedics.

Mary was rushed to the emergency department of the Royal Belfast Hospital, tests were run and Mary was admitted to the brain trauma ward, where she was very poorly indeed. Adam sat day and night at Mary’s bedside, concern and grief etched all over his face. His panic and fear on display for all to see. Adam was told that Mary had meningitis, and she was gravely ill. During the following few days, she remained unconscious and alarmingly more and more of her body became black and cold to the touch. Adam was beside himself with grief, his beautiful wife, with the skin of pure silk and thick golden blonde hair became unrecognisable. The doctor finally took Adam aside and told him the facts that he didn’t want to hear. If Mary had any chance of survival, she would have to have all her limbs amputated to give her brain and torso a chance of recovery.

In a state of shock and devastation, Adam signed the consent forms and Mary was immediately taken into surgery.

Their life changed beyond all recognition. The beautiful barn conversion that they lived in had to be altered to make it wheelchair friendly. The splendid bedroom that they once shared became a sterile environment containing a hospital bed, and are givers, in bland uniforms cared for Mary on a 24/7 basis and their privacy was invaded in the cruellest of ways.

Mary has spirit and occasionally you can see the former fire in her eyes that tell of her past. Photographs all over the house show how gifted her lifestyle has been. But in the cruel light of day you can see the pain. Not just in her eyes but in Adams too.

Mary longs for Adam to take her in his arms again, tell her that he loves her and she is still the apple of his eye. But he can’t, he can’t even face being in the same room as her for more than a couple of minutes. His repulsion that he feels when he looks at the remains of his beautiful wife’s body hurts them both. The rows that take place inside of those walls are horrendous, frightening for Mary who can’t follow or run away. And they are destroying Adam as the arguments become more vile day to day.

Everyone has sympathy for the pain in a person that they can see. Mary lives with pain that is controlled with medication, but her heart is shattered. Adam tries so hard to love her, but he is resentful; so resentful of having no privacy or intimacy with his wife anymore. He hates the fact that his home is no longer his home, but more like a cattle market with strangers coming and going for as long as the day is long.

Please consider who is the victim here, Mary or Adam? I understand that it is both of them; one has scars that are seen by the human eye, whilst the other has scars far beyond what can be seen. Adam is a broken man. He is constantly in a living hell and refuses help from any one. He screams and shouts and throws things in temper and frustration. He storms out and walks away, a luxury that Mary cannot have. She is the one left crying in the arms of her care giver. I was one such care giver, but Adam fired me on Sunday. Why, because I saw too much and Adam and I didn’t see eye to eye. I want to hold Adam in my arms and brush the hair from his eyes, but most of all I want him to realise that I never was his enemy, I never judged and now another care giver will have to get used to his rage. I hope that she or he will understand that Adam is a good man, but his strength and his faith are week.


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    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      HI Eiddwen, How are you dear friend. Thank you for stopping by and encouraging me again with your lovely comment. Sometimes I wish I could stop the world and get off, but then what use to my lovely old people would I be lol x

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Sharyn, Thank you for your lovely comments. This was a very hard situation to be in. I feel for them both, it is so hard for the carer to see his loved one slowly slipping away from him and trying to come to terms with his feelings which can be very strong in resentment at times. I wish them both well and I know that the good Lord will bring them another carer that Adam can related better to. I sometimes am just too understanding. x

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      Only one word here and that is beautiful.

      I love your style of writing and I wish you well with your projects. A vote up for this one without a doubt.

      Take care


    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Hi Blue,

      How are you? I really loved reading this piece. Great writing with so much emotion. As a caregiver, I understand these types of situations. It can be heartbreaking. Just know you did the best that you could. There are many people out there that need you. Keep up the great work.


    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Cardisa, thank you darling for leaving your comment. It has been so hard caring for Mary and having to deal with Adam. Mary is a beautiful looking woman, with a wicked sense of humour, there is so much spirit in her, but it is with sadness that Adam treats her the way he does now. I want to dislike him, he is a total idiot, but I understand the resentment that he feels too. There is no winner here. x

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 6 years ago from Jamaica

      Hello Annette, I am so torn with this.

      But I strongly believe that Adam needs to be strong for his wife. I think he is being a bit selfish. I know he has a lot to deal with but imagine Mary there, wont ever be able to touch her husband with her fingers, never be able to walk, having her husband treat her like a leech, not being able to move. She has both the physical and emotional scars to live with and now possibly losing her husband.

      Adam needs to get over himself and remember that he made a decision to save his wife's life and he must start being grateful for that and give thanks that she is there no matter how much of her she or he has lost. He needs to realize that the woman is not legs and arms, but who she is a person and that person is still there. Her heart is still there and he is breaking it.

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Bobbi, I am sure that you have come across many a situation similar to this one, it is heart breaking for all concerned. For me it was heart wrenching because I could understand both chain of thought, and felt totally helpless to do the right thing.

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hello Mysterious One, thank you for stopping by. I learn so much about human nature through my work, and it never stops to amaze me just how fragile relationships can be. This is a truly sad situation and I feel for both of them. x

    • BobbiRant profile image

      BobbiRant 6 years ago from New York

      I feel so badly for Mary. I know Adam probably cannot help himself, but my heart goes out to Mary. Great hub. Sometimes for proud people just having to have help is tough for them.

    • MysteriousOne profile image

      MysteriousOne 6 years ago

      Very interesting write,here,Ms bluestar! Enjoyed it a lot.

      Pushed all the buttons! Kudos to you!

      Have a great day!

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Thank you kind sir, love the photo. I will check out your hubs today. Much love.

    • Reynold Jay profile image

      Reynold Jay 6 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

      Keep up the great HUBS. I must give this an “Up ONE and beautiful.” I'm now your fan! RJ

      Based upon this HUB, you might enjoy…