Mary and Adam

Mary and Adam.

How many times have I told myself not to become involved, reiterated time and time again to myself to take a back seat? Have I ever learned, not at all, because I have done it all again? But this time I have really got myself into a pickle. This time I will be looking at the Situations Vacant in my local press.

Recently I have been fortunate to have been caring for a lady who has given me so much inspiration. A beautiful lady, proud and elegant, and I shall change the names from here to save embarrassment. I will call this lady Mary.

Mary resides with her husband of thirty four years, her three dogs, and a gorgeous cat called Boris. She had lived a very privileged life, and money has never been an issue from early childhood. Her husband is a successful and dynamic business man, whose hobbies include collecting the finest, most expensive wines from all around the world, and keeping his race horses in the comfort of the best training yards in Ireland. They were a very compatible and secure couple.

Adam and Mary took a joint decision many years ago that they didn’t want to share their lives with children. A decision that has now given Mary a great deal of heartache; she was never short of love and attention as she was the whole world in a nutshell to Adam. They were never apart. Skiing holidays, a beautiful villa in Portugal and many business trips worldwide was their oyster. Parties and celebration fund raising events were scattered all over the pages of their diary, and they had no shortage of friends.

Mary took sick several years ago, she felt nauseas’ after eating her supper and retired to bed. The headache was over powering her, and to her alarm, there appeared a bruised area on her forehead. She began to run a temperature and her limbs began to ache, and Adam panicked and called for the paramedics.

Mary was rushed to the emergency department of the Royal Belfast Hospital, tests were run and Mary was admitted to the brain trauma ward, where she was very poorly indeed. Adam sat day and night at Mary’s bedside, concern and grief etched all over his face. His panic and fear on display for all to see. Adam was told that Mary had meningitis, and she was gravely ill. During the following few days, she remained unconscious and alarmingly more and more of her body became black and cold to the touch. Adam was beside himself with grief, his beautiful wife, with the skin of pure silk and thick golden blonde hair became unrecognisable. The doctor finally took Adam aside and told him the facts that he didn’t want to hear. If Mary had any chance of survival, she would have to have all her limbs amputated to give her brain and torso a chance of recovery.

In a state of shock and devastation, Adam signed the consent forms and Mary was immediately taken into surgery.

Their life changed beyond all recognition. The beautiful barn conversion that they lived in had to be altered to make it wheelchair friendly. The splendid bedroom that they once shared became a sterile environment containing a hospital bed, and are givers, in bland uniforms cared for Mary on a 24/7 basis and their privacy was invaded in the cruellest of ways.

Mary has spirit and occasionally you can see the former fire in her eyes that tell of her past. Photographs all over the house show how gifted her lifestyle has been. But in the cruel light of day you can see the pain. Not just in her eyes but in Adams too.

Mary longs for Adam to take her in his arms again, tell her that he loves her and she is still the apple of his eye. But he can’t, he can’t even face being in the same room as her for more than a couple of minutes. His repulsion that he feels when he looks at the remains of his beautiful wife’s body hurts them both. The rows that take place inside of those walls are horrendous, frightening for Mary who can’t follow or run away. And they are destroying Adam as the arguments become more vile day to day.

Everyone has sympathy for the pain in a person that they can see. Mary lives with pain that is controlled with medication, but her heart is shattered. Adam tries so hard to love her, but he is resentful; so resentful of having no privacy or intimacy with his wife anymore. He hates the fact that his home is no longer his home, but more like a cattle market with strangers coming and going for as long as the day is long.

Please consider who is the victim here, Mary or Adam? I understand that it is both of them; one has scars that are seen by the human eye, whilst the other has scars far beyond what can be seen. Adam is a broken man. He is constantly in a living hell and refuses help from any one. He screams and shouts and throws things in temper and frustration. He storms out and walks away, a luxury that Mary cannot have. She is the one left crying in the arms of her care giver. I was one such care giver, but Adam fired me on Sunday. Why, because I saw too much and Adam and I didn’t see eye to eye. I want to hold Adam in my arms and brush the hair from his eyes, but most of all I want him to realise that I never was his enemy, I never judged and now another care giver will have to get used to his rage. I hope that she or he will understand that Adam is a good man, but his strength and his faith are week.