Memories in a Box
Memories, like scattered papers on a cement floor in a corner of my mind. I remember I couldn’t sleep next to you. You tossed and turned; I stared at the ceiling all night, my eyes wide open, my mind waiting for the sun to come. Your breath was heavy, your body hot. My soul felt heavy, my heart cold as marble. Your bed was narrow, but it felt like the widest ocean of uncertainty. Emptiness. Worthlessness. All the dreams I thought would come true suddenly burst like fine bubbles of blown glass suspended in the sultry air of your room. I realized all I had felt thus far was just a dream; it wasn’t you, it was dreams. It was just the dreams of what I dreamed you could be, but not you. You were a shadow; you moved like a shadow, in and out of my life like a motionless shadow, always there glaring at me, distrusting me, shoving me to the side. You were never meant to stay. Lying beside you I could feel my chest getting heavy; I wanted to touch you, but I didn’t want to get corrupted by your viciousness. You are like poison that sets in my blood stream slowly, dripping like a broken faucet; I hear the noise, drop by drop; I feel it gradually immobilizing me, like venom, but I broke the chain this time and set myself free. You set me free. Your ruthlessness set me free. The bitterness of your heart brought out the sourness of my tongue. I let it out and now I can’t stop. All I wish to do now is hurt you. I want to hurt you till I see the raw flesh of your soul bleed; I want to say words that will burn your flesh so deep you won’t forget. I want to see the scars as my eyes will meet yours one day, when this will all be forgotten, when the answers to your questions will finally come to you like waves crashing on the shore, but won’t mean a thing anymore. I will never say your name again, and in the crowds of people flowing freely on the stage of life, I will never wish to stumble upon your vicious shadow. You are nasty.
© 2010 Roberta S