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Men In Lingerie: Are You In The Panty Closet?

Updated on October 12, 2009

This article relates to an issue that I know affects a great deal of men who like to wear women's lingerie. You meet someone, she's beautiful, and she's sweet, and she is smart, she's everything you want in a woman. There's just one problem - she either doesn't know about your proclivities towards wearing women's lingerie, or she can't stand you wearing it. In either case, you've run up against a very sticky problem. What do you do?

There are two levels of problem here, the first one is more easily solved than the second. The first one is that she isn't into it because you haven't told her about it. Many men avoid telling their partners until later on in the relationship because they fear rejection. This is a mistake for a couple of reasons. One, there is a stage in a relationship, usually around the time that things start getting intimate, when it is only fair to her and you to reveal this desire.

The second reason it is a mistake to withold the fact that you wear lingerie is illustrated by comments on some of these hubs from women who say things like "Well if he wore lingerie, he better tell me on the first date, because I'll never see him again."

Tell me, do those women sound like nice people? Do they sound like someone you'd be happy in a relationship with? Chances are, if a woman rejects a potential mate based on what they wear regardless of their personality or any other characteristics, then she is more than likely going to be one of those soul sucking succubi who will consume you from the inside out.

People who are that narrow minded when it comes to someone they care about will have a hard time accommodating other life problems. If you can't wear panties, then what else isn't going to be acceptable in her world? What unrealistic expectations is she going to put on you as a man? If you lose your job and can no longer afford to buy nice clothes, will she leave you?

I am not saying that simply because a woman doesn't want to be with a man who wears panties sometimes that she is evil, I am saying that the type of thinking that leads a person to reject a loving, caring, smart, etc guy based on his underwear is so flawed that it cannot help but have a negative impact in other areas of their life. Bottom line, if you tell her and she reacts like that, then she would make you miserable anyway.

Here's a secret guys... if a woman loves you, she won't care if you want to wear a dinosaur suit while making love, as long as its not all the time, and as long as you are equally accommodating of her needs and desires as she is going to have to be of yours.

I'm going to let you in on a little personal story... I wasn't always a fan of men who wore lingerie. I didn't even think about it. It just wasn't something that had ever come up. Then one day I met a man, grew to like him, and at an appropriate point in our relationship, as we began to get intimate and share our desires, he shared the fact that he liked to wear womens lingerie sometimes. It was a little odd at first, but I loved him, and I soon grew to like the lingerie, to the point that I now write about it extensively.

If you're in the closet and it doesn't affect you, if you're happy in your relationships, and you can live with there being a significant facet of your life that your significant other doesn't know about, then fine, but if it is eating away at you any making you unsatisfied, then coming out of the closet isn't just something you need to do for you, its something you need to do for your partner too. If she refuses to accept it at first, there may still be a way forward if you are willing to discuss the matter and perhaps negotiate with her. If this is a revelation you have sprung on her after several years of marriage, or if you've been together for several years, then be prepared to take the heat, you do deserve it.

Relationships are about negotiation and fufiling one another's desires. Seek to find a way that you can pursue your lingerie wearing interests to the benefit of both of you.


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      Closetdweller 8 months ago

      Hi Hope, this is my first post with you. You are so accurate in your commentaries. I spent 46 years in a closet marriage. I wore my first pair of panties which were mom's at age 6, I had no idea why at that time. Miss right had come along 3 1/2 yrs ago and she immediately brought me a pair of her panties on our first encounter after discussing thoughts and desires, I figured I had already wasted 46 yrs I had better get it out in the open. So nervously I did. We've since married and she is so much involved in my love for this I think she cares more than I do at times about. Panty shopping and encouraging me to come to reason that there is nothing wrong with it. Most recently she allow me to go panty shopping alone, what a great experience, I confronted the sales ladies in a few different store's. Belk, Kohl's and Penny's. I told these ladies that I was shopping for panties for myself could they help?? They all looked a little surprised by my forwardness but agreed they had no problem with it. I showed them some printouts of VF panties and Jockey panties and they willingly took me to the display racks as we went through the colors and sizes one told me she had, had another male in shopping for panties at one time and another told me her husband had put hers on and loved them. He continues to wear panties. I was wearing a pair of the panties I was shopping for so I pulled them up some so the sales lady could feel them, she said those are so nice that she and her husband would love these. Hope, I think at this this point of my journey finding women's acceptance of this is fantastic, a real emotional release. My wife and I went in for a pedicure some time ago and it was great. At some point there was another man in there and the Asian attendant asked me if I wanted color, I looked at the wife and she dared me. Wrong thing to do, sure I said what the heck it's just paint. I got chocolate that time and have been back many times since. I went in yesterday alone and by now I know most of the employees by name and they know me. They asked if I wanted color and I said of course and went and picked out a candy red, burgundy was the present color I was wearing. As I said hello to my other ladies that had done my pedicures I think the other ladies in there knew this wasn't my first visit. I got into some pleasant conversations with a couple ladies next to me and there was no indication that they didn't care for this. I'd say they kind of like it. Again I am a straight married man with no desire to present myself as a woman, I would not hardly pass anyway. It's all about the feel and fit of the panties and tinkering a little with other feminine things. I love women and enjoy sharing some of which makes them special.

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      Gail 21 months ago

      I am a male 80 y/o and love to wear lingerie. When my first wife and I were going together, I was in the military and no place to store lingerie. So every time we got together she would supply me with a pair of her pink nylon panties with lace I would wear them the time that we were together. A few months later I was transferred to El Paso Texas. I got an apartment, and had her join me. As most people know El Paso is a very hot area. We both wore panties around the apartment, the apartment had no AC. We later got married. She continued to purchase me panties, garter belts, stockings, night gowns and ballet shoes (black and white). One night we were getting ready for be and she had removed her Bra, she ask if I would like to wear it, she put it on me, adjusted the straps and we went to bed. She gave me 3 pink satin 38B bras and I was to wear one with my other lingerie every day after work. What she liked to do was play with my nipples thru the bra (drove my crazy). I would get to the apartment a little after 3 each day and she would arrive a little after 6. I would take a shower, and dress in the female clothing that I was to wear for that day. That went on for over 30 years and she passed away with cancer. Sometime we would go for a walk downtown, me dressed in Bra, panties, women's jeans, nylons, ballet shoes, and a semi sheer blouse (you could see the bra). By the way, I am wearing beige ultra sheer pantyhose, Bra, Yellow nylon panties, and a very shiny satin cami with lace and beige flats. More to come

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      veronica38 2 years ago

      Hello to all who visit this blog my name is Veronica but it was Erik. Like I said in the last post I am still looking for someone who can help me out with my fetish if you are that someone please post a comment back

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      Kittie 2 years ago

      All/most of m y underwear is l;adies now. It is far more comfortable. I even use it at the gym

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      Eric 2 years ago

      I am 48 years old and I have been hiding panties for 25 years I just now gotten to a point in life where I have no problem wearing them even at the lake they are very comfortable in the way that satin feels on my body there's just no other feeling like it it is sexy and yet supported

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      Miranda 2 years ago

      What I didn't mention before is that people should do what makes them happy. It's a shame that men who like/love wearing lingerie have to hide their true selves because society (small minded, ignorant individuals) judges them. For crying out loud, Live and Let Live!

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      Miranda 2 years ago

      I am a woman who loves men who wear lingerie (I find it both sexy and exciting), and would like to find a nice single man who loves wearing lingerie.

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      pecanfanni 2 years ago

      Yes,ya'll!! Am an older mature guy,who loves wearing feminine undies!! Oh,Lala '!! Not only for my enjoyment,but because I don't have a problem with this!! I have a pretty big collection of feminine panties, and bras,and high-heels

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      pecanfanni 2 years ago

      Am single,and yes!! I've been trying to find the right time to tell my new girlfriend!!?? That I, wear feminine undies!! What she doesn't understand?? I have warm feelings about her!! Cross your fingers!! Next time, gotta love her, and express my love for my feminine side,and that I wear panties!! THX!!

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      Chris 3 years ago

      I am 31 years old married eight years and four kids, I have been wearing womens underwear since I was 15 . I started wearing womens underwear again after I got married. I told my wife about it and she was fine she went as far as buying them. She just said don't get caught in public wearing them and that she is the only person that knows anyway. We are still happily married. And male underwear free

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      Erik 4 years ago

      I have been wearing women's lingerie on and off for many years. I finally told my wife about my fetish to wear women's lingerie after she found my big secret stash. I don't usually wear women's panties I mainly stick to wearing women's bras and bathing suits I just love feeling like I have breast for I've always been a boob man so I thought why not get the best of both worlds I wear a bra and breast forms then please myself and its so amazing I cum hard almost every time. My biggest problem is that I have lied to her so many times that she is pretty much done with me. I wish I would have never started lying to get in the first place but as many have said in other comments they were afraid of being rejected and that's been me for as long as I can remember. Is there any women or men out there who can help me out with this fetish of mine?

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      Brent 4 years ago

      I have been wearing women's undergarments for 40 yrs now and married for 25 of them, I have been in the closet about it until recently when my wife found my bra and panties in the bathroom drawer. When I got home from work she confronted me with them, I told the truth that they were mine. She didn't like it and took her over a month to calm down about it, she still doesn't like it but she is slowly accepting it. Now my boxer shorts are collecting dust and my panties are out of there hiding spots and are worn all the time.

      My point of this is the same thing that was said in earlier posts if your in a relationship LET THEM KNOW! If I had let her know yrs ago I would have been wearing them and enjoying them a lot longer then I have been.

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      ROSSIE 5 years ago


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      Hazling 5 years ago

      My wife is not only happy that I am wearing panties I purchase in the Women's section of the store, she's accepted the fact I now have early stages of gynecomastia and helps me pick out similarly located underwear to support my breasts.

      Having been married before to a very judgmental and intolerant woman, I consider myself truly blessed in many ways to be married to my present wife.

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      big brass 2 5 years ago

      I also love wearing panties and have for over 40 years, starting with my Mom's... I go into a JC Penney store and can now walk around the lingerie area with confidence, picking out some Vanity Fair micro-fiber hi-cuts (my favorites) and a couple Bali 44 DDD bras for my collection. The panties feel so good against my skin while lying in bed.

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      mark novack 5 years ago

      i am n relatinship and after the first month i toldmy gf at the time tat i like to where sexy lingeie she wasnt fulley comphertable with itat first but she is now my feonsay and she from time totime byes me somethin and sometime i bye them she said if you wat to where them that i schoul beable to bye them too at first it elt werd byeing sexy womens undieseven to i feel the need for them they make me feelhole but after thefirst coupil times it ant so bad just think of i is hay let people thnkwhat they want to think and if they ak you just act lie it is your lovers birthday lol but all in all i love the way i feel in ingerie the sexier the better and i am lveing proof that are women that dnt mind and een like that there mn where womens cloths.

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      Mrs 5 years ago

      My DH first told me he had secretly tried on my shoes about 12 months ago; then bought his own as his feet are quite a bit larger than mine. He also wears heels a lot higher than I do! Over the past 12 months he has progressed to wearing panties, stockings and other lingerie. I won't pretend it has been an easy road - there have been times when we have both been confused about why or where it will lead - but I love the fact that he loves the soft silky feel of satin, the hug of lycra stockings, the way the heels make his calves look fabulous. And most of all I love the fact that he gets hard when he wears his finery. He mostly wears it in the comfort of our home, but has tried wearing lingerie underneath his clothing when we go out. Yes it annoys me that he has more lingerie than I do, and more heels, but really that's my choice because my 45 year old body ain't what it used to be and I don't feel comfortable in lingerie often. He really doesn't care that he doesn't look like the model in the lingerie, whereas I do care that I don't look as good as the models! His openness is sexy; his willingness to experiment is sexy. His whole package is sexy!! At my suggestion he has started wearing satin nighties to bed every night - and I can't keep my hands off him. Am I so unique that there are no other women who accept this desire in their men? I wouldn't have thought so.

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      Alone_in_the_world 6 years ago

      I have a high dis-belief that its possible for a man to have a relationship where the opposite partner accepts the fact that they like to wear woman's lingerie. I am a 29 year old man, been told I am good looking (picture George Clooney ish), am a world class swimmer, smart, caring, and very loving. Yet I love to wear woman's lingerie not for a sexual turn on but for a deeper reason that stems from my far off past. Its something that I have fought with mentally for over 22 years. There are periods that I have not worn panties, there was a three year hiatus, but I felt that a part of me was missing. I've told partners in the past about my reasons for wearing the articles and every time I have the same reaction some more crude then others. I have been degraded, pushed away, socially humiliated, and made to feel like I am nothing but a freak that belongs in a nut house. My own family also isolated me when they found out (when I was younger). I have been to therapist for multiple years and as of now my immediate family thinks it was just a phase of a young man's hormones. So I find it hard to believe that I can be accepted in this world without hiding a part of me, a part of me that feels so natural and right for me for reasons I am not able to completely understand. I have come to the realization that the only relationship that I will be able to have is a fictional one no matter how much I am attracted to a woman, there is no way I will be accepted society has made that very clear. I wish that people were open minded and saw past the articles and the gender connotation that is placed on the articles. Thus I am alone in the world, a world that prevents me from loving a woman because of what I wear.

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      David 6 years ago

      I have been married almost 30 years. Have a very normal life, construction industry job, 2 kids. My wife has known about my love for panties since we have been together. I buy most of her panties.I have been a closet wearer since high school. Always thought I was weird, or people would think Im gay. I told my wife about my pantie wearing about 8 years into our marriage. She was glad I told her, we incuded it a couple times in our love making, but she never really liked it so I slipped back into doing it privately. I have made comments over the years about my desires, I believe she knows I still do it, but preffers to allow me it without her. With the kids grown and out of the house, our sex life has gotten quite good again, so I have tried to reintroduce the panties, she resists slightly, but once in a while puts a pair of hers out for me to wear. I only recently bought 3 pair of my own, she doesnt know about them, i hand wash them when shes not around. Its very exciting to have my own, because they fit so much better.

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      Lexie 6 years ago

      I have been wearing panties since I was 10yo, my first pair from my sister in law, which she gave me when she "caught" me fondling them. She was very supportive of my needs and i thought most women would be as understanding. Not so. I am now in my mid 20's and luckily my current gf does not have a problem with it and even encourages me by buying me panties she would like to see me in. She recently has asked me to wear nightgowns to bed and bought me a couple of pretty sheer ones to get me started. I guess my point is to be honest with them upfront and not hide it from them because they will eventually find out.

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      mltiplego 6 years ago

      Been married to the same women for 30+ years. I told her about my cloting preferences before we married. She sounded as if she could accept it, and the 'I do's' were said.

      For a bit she seemed somewhat interested but things grew colder. I'm certain she recieved advice from someone at our church that I was commiting a horrible sin (Deu 22:5). At that time she told me to leave and handed me divorce papers. I refused to leave. We are still together. I've lived in the closet most of this time.

      Several months ago I started slipping into a nightgown after my wife would get up. She caught me and it has caused some problems, as we have come very close to divorcing. She decided to sleep in seperate bed's. As a result I decided to start wearing my nightgown all night. Now, I have reached a point where I have decided my nightgowns are staying. I'm not giving them up. I love wearing them. Soon, I think I may decide to get up and purposely wear my nightgown and matching coat to have my morning cup of coffee and breakfast cereal before changing.

      I also am considering wearing a dress or skirt & blouse for the day too. 50+ plus years ago women rebelled against the system and told the men that they were tired of men telling them how to dress and what they could or could not wear. Well, I'm quickly reaching the point that I am tired of the women telling me what I can or cannot wear.

      If I want to wear a dress...then I'm going to wear a dress!

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      Kerry 6 years ago

      Been married over 40 years now and my wife found out about my "proclivities" on our honeymoon! Talk about being shocked! But we're still maried, so we found a solution. She's not happy, but she "accepts".

      It wasn't just panties but anything made of satin and silk and you don't get that in the men's department. I never wanted to appear a female [ie: no bras, foundation garments, wigs or the like} ... I just wanted to feel feminine in a very sensual/tactile way, especially in bed. It was also VERY relaxing and the best stress release I've ever found. Mind you, I was "enfemme" when some of our kids were conceived, so there was some excitement as well, eh?

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      Dave 6 years ago

      Ref the above. I couldn't stand it any longer and admitted to my better half that I enjoyed wearing feminine undies. I should have had more faith in my loving wife. She nodded her head and laughed a bit and said fair enough. I don't flaunt it, I have an underwear drawer that looks and feels absolutely fabulous, stockings, tights, panties, frillies etc. I wear knickers most of the time. My joy is to come home after a hard day, have a bath and slip on some beautiful silky panties, bliss!! Although she finds it strange, she is happy as long as I am and is OK with it, I think in time she will maybe buy me some or come with me to buy some. My undies are definitely better than hers as she openly admits that she doesn't have the same fascination with gorgeous undies that I Have. I am happy with my masculinity and I believe that only real men admit to liking sexy underwear!

      Now happy Dave.

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      Dave 6 years ago

      I just love ladies underwear, I like the feel, design, look, everything about womens clothes. I am completely hetro but love females so much that I want to get inside and feel it? Does this make sense? I am happily married with four lovely kids, I love my wife very much. I am a man and can fix cars, fix the washing machine, etc play the guitar and we have a good laugh, I was a soldier when I met her and have seen active service. I have always worn feminine knickers, stockings, tights etc secretly. It frightens me to death that if I told my wife it would upset her too much and ruin our relationship. Am I a coward or a deceiver? What the hell do I do? One odd thing, I posted here a while ago that I had got rid of all my body hair, apart from her laughing like crazy she seems to have got used to it. But I imagine knickers would be one step too far. Are these thoughts that she would flip just in my head??

      Torn apart Dave

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      Nayomi2 7 years ago

      Interesting perspective. Most of this is true and I believe in being honest but there is a certain emotional fear even if the logic center of the brain tells you to be honest. Either way, good advice.

      I have been married for 32 years and did not tell my wife of my level of love for women’s clothing until the past five years. I did tell her that I like the feel of nylon panties and pantyhose when we had been married for five years or so, after the birth of our first child. This became a kind of game on our “date nights” and it was fun but not to the frequency I would have liked. I thought I was limiting my wearing panties and hose as some sort of show of respect for her.

      As time went on my wearing frequency stayed about the same until we became empty nesters and I could not hold back my lifelong desires any longer. I shared my desire to completely dress for a Halloween party and my wife seemed more onboard than I could have imagined. We spent months prior to the party looking for items to wear. She wanted to be sure that I had the right sizes and that I would be comfortable in everything. We spent so much time trying new things to make sure “I got it right” my wardrobe began to grow. I would dress up on the weekends to adjust to the feeling of the items or to break in a new pair of shoes (wink).

      Some of our closest friends (female) know of my dress up desires and have seen me. None of them have shown any negative reaction, if anything they have been supportive and are amazed at my ability to find a bargain when shopping. Finding stylish female items and shoes in my size has presented me with challenges but I have managed to find most things. Now these girls will often come to me for information on where to locate specific items. It has been nothing short of fantastic.

      My wife now has a husband and a live girlfriend. Now I am trying to get out more but the general public can be very scary. One can continue to dream, right?

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      straightjacket 7 years ago

      I recently made the mistake of not telling one of my partners that I wear panties. When she found some of them drying she was not pleased and the relationship has ended. My partner at present realised straight away without me having to say too much and actively encourages me to wear panties as she knows it makes me feel horny and ends in great lovemaking. She even buys me silky panties and I buy hers and borrow them.

      It is best to be honest and up front. If she loves you she will accept it as being one of your habits.

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      jackie 7 years ago

      I've been wearing womans bras and panties off and on for 60 of my 72 years.I would like to were them all the time but my wife would never understand.Its a lot easier to buy them now with ebay and auto checkout at stores.I wear 46a bra and 10 panties.I just bought a set of nipples and a 46b back underwire bra by avenue.I think Ill next try a stick on bra.Maybe wear them under my tee shirt.

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      AP 7 years ago

      It was interesting when a friend of mine asked me what I thought about a boyfriends of hers who liked wearing womens' lingerie under his clothes. I asked her if she liked the idea and she said she loved it...she was looking for something to buy him. I told her about the Halloween back in college when my then-girlfriend and I went out dressed as each other, and she had insisted on me having to wear all the undergarments too as long as we were doing this. I told her we spent the night in costume and that I woke up the next morning in her bed, still dressed in everything. She seemed to really enjoy the story and she asked me if I enjoyed it. I told her yes, and she invited me to come down sometime and she'd dress me up...unfortunately it never came about, but I did find out that there are quite a few women who really like their men in lingerie. More recently I found a lady who bought me several lingerie items that she wanted me to wear when we were in private together. I still have them all.

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      jon 7 years ago

      well, when my wife discovered my collection it really freaked her out, she was so pissed, but I think that was mainly because I didn't tell her. Rightfully so, but as I told her, hmmm, and how am I to bring this up in conversation? which she agreed. Now I won't say she's crazy about it because she's raised in a basically foramtted environment, she hasn't tossed me out, we can joke about it a bit, but I also don't flaunt it. It's a matter of courtesy. Do I wish she were a bit more engaging about it. you bet. But that's not her, and I accept her and she accepts me. I am a good huspand, provider and partner and one that happens to like the finer fabrics usually made for women's clothes. Panties that don't fit me drive me crazy, but the one that do i'd just like to wear when I want to wear them. some days I feel like wearing them more than others. i just don't want to be pigeonhold into you must wear this or that or you are not this or that.

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      gillian 7 years ago

      What a lovely day for sticking two slices of bread up a scotmans kilt and saying 'How's that for sausage and tomato sandwich'

      Apologies to Ken Dodd. Actually Ken never said it,its my own joke.

      'Gillian wears panties' love them! and bras.

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      Joel B. 8 years ago

      This is the stuff dreams are made of. Of all my mates, SO's,GF's or what ever name, only one left me because of my dressing up. I crashed all the rest for compleaty diff reasons, funny yet sad. I would do things alot different with 1 or 2 of them so as to perhapes return to there graces but I know lost is lost. But you need for them to know all about you and what makes you tick. Not all suprises are good.

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      Bernie 8 years ago

      Honesty has always been best policy and it will always be the best policy. I told my wife on our third date that wore lingerie and she almost ripped my clothes off to see. She giggled at first but she felt the pretty lingerie I was wearing she couldn't keep her hands off me. My wife of 30 years wouldn't have me any other way.

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      pauls_boat 8 years ago

      hi hope i aggrea with you in that it is much better to tell your partner at the start of the relationship than try to hide it and tell her later i told my ex that i liked to wear girls clothes and she was ok with it we were together 24 years so it lasted quite a long time.

      after about 3 or 4 years i came home one day to find out she had threw out allmy male underclothes and now i only had female ones she said they wear only taking up room in my draws and that i seldom wore them so from that day forward i have not owned or wore any male underwear, now around 25 years.

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      iwhcpanties 8 years ago

      Excellent Hope, as I have stated before I have been marred now for 32 years and until recently she was not aware of me wearing panties because I kept it a secret. After building up the nerve to say something a while back she did not take it well. I wish I had this advice 32 years ago. This is great advise to those starting out.

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      Lamorak Korving 8 years ago

      It is pathetic when you think about it that society considers a male weak or unmasculine simply because of the clothing they wore. Christ himself, the Son of God, might have something to say about that, given He wore a long dress-like outfit. So would the ancient Romans and Greeks. Ancient Greek men like Pythagoras wore short, fluted, white skirt-like outfits, but were not considered lesser men, or effeminate. And let's not forget all those invasions fought by the ancient Romans. It should be noted that the Romans' armour ended in a kind of skirt-like look. And their togas resembled a kind of long dress. But, weak, unmanly? Hardly. Not only did they create an empire for themselves, they were the first civilisation to have a decent government. Many ancient Romans were strong and muscular. Let's face it, they had to be to build places to live in, not forgetting the Colisseum, the arena where gladiators fought.. Oh yeah, and don't forget all those invasions. Unmanly? I think not. And don't forget the kilt-wearing Highlanders who fought at Culloden moor, for they certainly weren't weak, unmanly or effeminate, I assure you! How do I know this? Because I have met a Scot in his full regalia, and he was nothing less than one hundred per cent masculine, and carried his dirk with him, so let's stop behaving as if we are stuck in the dark ages. This is 2009 AD, the 21st century, so let us stop thinking along the lines of "clothes maketh the man", because it doesn't. In the words of Dorothy Parker, "Brevity is the soul of lingerie", and as Oscar Wilde once remarked, "Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear". The quote is from his1895 novel, An Ideal Husband. The panties I wear are white female briefs so perfectly designed that they keep my penis and testicles under wraps. We really should abolish the House of Lords. Why? Because all they do is make laws that do nothing except make men as miserable as they possibly can-and then some. The Government has proven that it is incapable of ruling England fairly; it is corrupt and degenerate. We ourselves would be far more intelligent and far better suited at ruling ourselves.

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      Watch Tower 8 years ago from New Zealand

      I have been in a loving relationship for 15 years. We have been often asked how we have done it survived all the normal relationship hang ups etc. the foundation of our relationship is built on honesty and trust. and from that has grown unconditional love. People seek love then trust and honesty, but if you are to truly love another and be loved in return, you have to have the trust and honesty first.

      Most guys that wear panties, isn't for any sexual thrill its just they feel better i themselves. So guys I personal think if a woman can not handle you as you are for who you are, is she really the one for you ? Of course it has to go both ways. relationships are never a one way street

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      just another guy 8 years ago

      I went shopping with my girlfriend today and she picked out two pairs of panties for me, she is really cool with it and likes to pick the ones I will wear while I am away, (I work away from home) I guess I am just lucky.

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      Hope Alexander 10 years ago

      Hello dave and madeline, I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Thanks both for sharing your perspectives, they really help others who come browse these hubs understand what is going on from the horses' mouth, or get to feel a little less alone in their proclivity.

      Good insight into the male desire for love too, madeline, we don't hear much about that. Here I was thinking that it was all about sex and golfing on the weekends ;)

      (That wasn't intended sarcastically either. I think society's perception of men has almost dehumanised them in some ways, almost to the point where when one thinks of a man, one things of a creature who likes sex and hitting things, rather than a person who craves love like everyone else.)

      (Of course, they're probably both. Bless them.)

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      madeleine 10 years ago from Takoma Park, Maryland

      I couldn't agree more. I believe in order to have a truly successful and fulfilling relationship it requires two people who are being themselves, and accepting themselves and each other. Not always agreeing, but always trying to communicate and work it out. Two projected images of what you THINK the other person desires or approves of is never truly satisfying, and rarely works over the long haul.

      Problem is I haven't had a significant other in many years, and my desire to wear, and the pleasure I get from women's lingerie has grown significantly in the last year or two. (Perhaps in proportion to my lack of sexual/emotional companionship??) Who knows. The point I want to make is that so many men than most women realize are so DESPERATE to be loved by somebody that they will give up some of their emotional honesty, their own desires, will go greatly outside their usual comfort zones and preferences-just to have SOMEONE, almost anyone, love them or at least satisfy some their needs for a partner and companionship.

      It IS sad really, but often when considering the alternative, especially if your SO brings you some joy and hapiness, or somehow else satisfies your relationship/companionship is all to often easier to to delude oneself, to gloss over the trouble spots in your relationship, and hiding part of who you really are, in the hope of having those other needs fulfilled. It is deceitful, but an all to easy teptation nonethless.

      Not an ideal situation, but as one gets older and starts running out of time, one's choices shrink drastically.

      For myself though, as I've come to increasing acceptance of this desire to own and wear sexy women's lingerie and clothing as a part of me that gives me pleasure both sexually and emotionally, I've come to realize how important to accept and eventually share this part of me, as witness my presence and responses on this site and your hub. ( It truly is a first for me.) So yes, I agree that if the possibilities for romance and a serious relationship arise, I know it will be important to share with, and have some degree of acceptance from, any potential SO of this part of me.

      Anyway, as usual, thanks for the insightful essay. (You keep on giving me ALL kinds of ideas for essays girl!)

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      davepilotch47 10 years ago

      Dear Hope,

      Once again you have hit at the heart of the matter. I was married for 12 years and didn't tell her and naturally when I did, it ended. No surprise there, I should have recognized her for the "soul sucking succubi" she is in the first place. The panties were just her excuse to call it quits. Anyway, since I have been on my own I have told two women that I have been intimate with upfront. The first was accepting but looking for a husband and I wasn't ready for that again. The second I'm still with and we go lingerie shopping together. We have so much fun with each other dressing and just generally letting out hair down. Thank you very much for your Hub you have great insight into the hetero CD.

      Lots of Love,