Men Who Cheat & Why They Do It
My Lonely Dad
I’m not generalizing men or saying that all men are polygamous. When I say men are polygamous by nature, it means that they aren’t going around cheating their wife or girlfriend to hurt them. It just means that they can’t help but appreciate women and satisfy their own desire to fulfill their own needs, not just physically but mostly because of their emotional needs as well.
I’m definitely not an expert so I am just basing my perception on facts that I have gathered from friends and my own family. I’m not proud to say this but my dad who passed away was the best dad in the world though his weakness was women.
My mom was only 18 when she got pregnant and she was 19 when I was born. She was robbed of her teenage years and lost all opportunities that she had because of me. She didn’t finish her college. I guess the reason why I never remembered her being a mom to me was because she was always out with her friends, living the life that she didn’t have when she was a teenager. My dad, who was 17 years older than my mom, gave her everything that she needed and was a very good provider to his family. Because of this, my mom relied on my dad’s allowance and has never experienced working her entire life. She was spoiled. She knew my dad was wealthy and successful on his career so she was almost never at home while my dad worked too much.
I was only 9 years old when I learned that my dad has a mistress. It was someone I know because she was his tour guide and I was always with her. Every time there was a tour it was my dad’s mistress who took care of me. Except for just 1 time, my mom never went to a tour with my dad so I got really close to the woman that my had been secretly seeing. My dad wasn’t aware that I played a detective just to unravel his secret and I never blamed him for cheating on my mom because I knew in my heart that my dad was lonely and he needed someone to care for him. My dad needed someone to listen to him when he was tired of the world. He needed someone to cheer him up when he felt like he had so many burden. He loved her though my dad was still tempted to see other girls, mainly because he was a guy who wanted to love and be loved and girls also fell for him because he was good to them ---- except for the cheating part.
I’m not making excuses for my dad or for any guy who would cheat on his wife or girlfriend. My intention is to share my perception to the readers that while men are physically stronger than women, they are very weak, lonely and insecure. They look at other women because the excitement of doing so makes them happy and alive and once they take that woman into their world, it gives a man a big fulfillment of being wanted and needed for the kind of person that he is.
My Colleagues
I have come across too many stories of women crying over their men for cheating on them. I guess it isn’t really because of the kind of industry we are in but because this is rampant anywhere in this world of temptations. My only difference in learning about these cheating men is the fact that my job role requires people skills and much engagement. It may also be because people trust me to always be subjective as opposed to being objective so I can always give an advice to anyone who comes up to me, but I can never take sides.
It’s a big predicament to know something and not say anything. 2 of my very close colleagues at work are both married to womanizers. One is very much aware that her husband is cheating on her and made the right decision in getting separated from that man. The other colleague of mine is still in denial because she is blinded by her love for her husband and she wants to keep her family intact for the sake of their kids. Up to the present time, her husband keeps on cheating on her without that colleague of mine knowing but it’s really hard that I couldn’t say anything because I know that it is something that she could change and telling her would not only break her heart. It would also break her hope that her husband could change. I don’t only know 2 stories of cheating husbands. In fact, if I had a big mouth a lot of marriages would’ve already been broken. I chose to keep quiet because I simply do not want to meddle in any relationship. Apart from that, it is best to get hurt by discovering this by themselves instead of going crazy over a period of time thinking if it was real or not.
Married men cheat not because they do not love their wives anymore. It is because they love their wife and they choose to stay with them. I know it doesn’t make any sense that I am saying this and I am definitely not siding with men but really, I have been raise in an environment full of men and I have personally observed a lot of factors that make men look for other women. Their physical need is always there but it is only 1 factor amongst the others.
What do you do when your guy keeps on cheating on you?
Two things. Either you live with it or you live without your guy. You can stay and accept that this isn’t something that you or anyone can change because changing only happens from within. Meaning, men will change if they want to but if you push them to do something that they aren’t willing to do, then this will cause a rocky relationship. You can always leave the guy if you cannot live with him, knowing that you don’t trust him and knowing that he will always hurt your pride and emotion.
It isn’t really the situation that is hurting anyone. It is how you’re dealing with it. You can choose to dwell on things or you can choose to face them and accept them. In the first place, it was you who chose to be with someone for the rest of your life. You can also choose another path and live peacefully if you have enough courage to do that.
To live life fully, do not dwell on any hardship. Instead, count all the blessings that you have because the problems will always be there. Without them, there is nothing to surpass and you will be weak on your journey to a life without story and learnings. We always gain strength on any hardship that we overcome and this is what makes life worth living. It gives us that satisfaction that we can conquer anything and we can be happy no matter what.
I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship Paperback – February 7, 2012 by Mira Kirshenbaum
It is always best to give benefit of a doubt before you decide on leaving your relationship but it takes a long time to heal and restore your trust in your relationship. This is a good book to read whether you have experienced betrayal from your husband, whether the cheating is happening daily or this is something that has already happened in the past but you can't seem to move on.
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Comments
AUTHORi appreciate that you have shared this comment though i cannot speak in behalf of your wife. i suggest that you seek help from someone professional so that both you and your wife can meet halfway. i do have an opinion about your comment that she's not going through anything. it may not be the case. some women are good in hiding their issues probably because they don't want to involve their love ones in what they may be going through. i'd give myself as an example. i'm fun-loving and cheerful most of the time but underneath that, i am actually juggling a lot of things all at once and i am dealing with all of my problems alone because i'm am perceived to be such a strong independent woman and i would like to keep it that way. i am only able to survive through writing because that's the only way i can express myself.
Maybe my situation might provide some insight.
Married 17 years. No kids. No fights. We get along very well. Financially stable. No problems. I don't do stupid stuff like stay out with the guys all night. I treat her well. I'm very attentive. I'm good to her family.
For the past 4+ months, sex only once a week. No flirting, no sexy texts, no nothing. Just "want to go have sex?" once a week.
I am in very good shape and clean/well groomed. She's not going through anything. Her moods are fine. She knows what I like sexually. I have talked to her many times about it and won't anymore. Now I'm getting mad. I feel ignored. Why wouldn't you do what your partner wants/likes?
Right now I can say that I wouldn't actively pursue anything, but I can't say how I'll feel in 6 months. However, if an opportunity presented itself today, I can say with certainty that I would cheat.
- AUTHOR
you have a very thorough comment on my article dashingscorpio. i really appreciate your thoughts on this and thank you for considering some scenarios.
Very interesting article.
Too often we as a society have no interest in going beneath the surface of (why) people cheat. We've already judged them and can only (deal with our pain). Nothing in our mind could ever "justify" their actions. Even when someone does ask (why) it's essentially a rhetorical question because in all honesty we really don't care. However once you step away emotionally you can see that things are not always in "black and white".
As it is in much of life there is a lot of gray.
"Married men cheat not because they do not love their wives anymore. It is because they love their wife and they choose to stay with them." - This is often true along with financial loss.
I believe the goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Very rarely does someone cheat for the purpose of {replacing one relationship with another}.
They're looking to "compliment" what they already have. Essentially they cheat in order to stay or tolerate a relationship.
Having said that I believe there are 3 basic types of cheaters.
The Incessant Cheater
This type of person most likely has never been faithful in any long-term relationship. They get bored very easily and are always on the look out for the thrill that comes with being with someone (new). Monogamy for them is equivalent to going on a strict diet. It's not a matter of (if) they will cheat but (when).
Oftentimes youth, immaturity, and peer pressure can be the underlying reason why they have a difficult time settling down.
Their motto would be: "Variety is the spice of life!"
The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater
This person is not proactively looking to cheat. They may have a secret crush on someone or feel attracted to them and one that individual makes it known there is an opportunity for him to turn his "fantasy" into reality by flirting with him.
If it's a situation where he is on a business trip or his wife is out of town he may see this as a "once in a lifetime" opportunity. Essentially he caves in to temptation. Some of these types of cheaters have been known to confess weeks, months, or years later because they find it hard to carry around the guilt.
The Discontented Cheater
This person blames you! If you hadn't started or stopped doing whatever they never would have been open to cheating. The offense however was not a "deal breaker" which explains why they didn't breakup or file for divorce. However they felt the need to cheat in order to cope with what was missing.
One example might be a married man with three children whose wife has lost all interest in having sex. After several conversations and attempts to turn things around he looks at his options.
1. Accept that his sex life is over.
2. Run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, move out of his home into a one bedroom condo, become a weekend dad, pay child support/alimony, divide up assets as well as friends and family who will most likely choose sides.
3. Find someone who does want to have sex with him.
Since cheaters don't expect to get caught many of them might find option #3 to be the best one to go with.
"Two things. Either you live with it or you live without your guy. " - Very true!
Ultimately the betrayed person must decide whether or not if cheating is truly a "deal breaker" or not for them self.
The vast majority of people will claim that it is. However when it happens to them there's often a difference between the "hypothetical" and real life. A lot of couples elect to go to counseling in hopes of saving their relationship or marriage.
Depending on the "type of cheater" they're dealing with and their circumstances will likely determine what one does.
If your mother had a high power career making tons of money of her own. She may have chosen to file for divorce.
The more "options" one has the less crap they'll put up with!
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