Men and Compliments, or lack of
" How do I look? "
Compliments have enormous power, especially when they are genuine and from those closest to you. A compliment in the middle of the day that comes without asking, “ How do I look?,” is especially nice. So why is it so hard for some? Specifically men! Yes I’m talking to you, you know who you are.
For some men the words just seem to spill from their lips like drool from a teething baby! But for most, it’s like pulling teeth! For the men who struggle with compliments, I ask, do you think you sound stupid when paying a compliment, or do you feel weak and sappy? Or is it neither? To the men that seem to know exactly what to say and do it well, please feel free to share the art of complimenting at your next poker game!
Now, here is why we woman like to hear nice things and some tips on how not to sound lame and why you should at least try to say something nice!
When we have to ask, it means you didn’t notice, or you just don’t care.
Example: You and your significant other are going out to dinner for the first time in quite a while. Your woman has just come down the stairs from primping for her date and is ready to leave. NOW, say something, before she even steps off the last step, this is your first opportunity. If you miss it, your woman is already feeling slighted. She just spent the last hour and a half scraping, fluffing, plucking, tweezing and painting herself in order to look nice for you! If she makes it out to the car and you haven’t said a word to her other than, “where are the keys”, your dead! If she has to ask you how she looks, then there is absolutely no way in hell your gonna see those shaved legs later!
Ok, so, your woman is pissed, you just missed an opportunity to tell her she looks nice. Was it worth it? No, certainly not! Why is it so important to her? First, most woman when going out with their men for dinner or anything out of the ordinary work week mundane, usually they take a little extra time to get ready. We do it because all week we have thrown our hair into a messy bun, scrubbed a few toilets, prepared a few meals and neglected to shave our legs at least once. So when we take the extra time to pay attention to the fine details we have neglected all week, well, we’re counting on you to be paying attention to the difference between the messy bun and the perfectly coiffed hair-do we spent the last hour primping on!
Now that we have cleared up why it’s bad if she has to ask you how she looks and why it pisses her off, lets get to what you can do to avoid hurting her feelings and maybe get you a closer look at her gams later! First, we’re not looking for the ‘Soap-opera’ compliment. “ You look nice,” is ok but, we weren’t working overtime for “ nice.” I personally like the “ Wow, I can’t wait to get you home,” approach! That will alway’s make a girl blush! Other compliments that will also score some high points and make your woman’s primping feel appreciated, “ You smell good,” and “ I like the way your eyes look,” being specific makes your complements less generic and more meaningful.
Lets face it, when your woman comes into the room looking different than she did all week, chances are she’s feeling a little more special than she did an hour ago when she was loading your undies in the washer, the least you can do is let her know she cleans up real good!
To the men out there, I hope this helps, and to the woman who have to ask “ How do I look.” This was for you!
**I apologize for the underlining, I have no idea how it happened or how to correct it.
Comments
Great write!! Just a shame that the very men who need to read this, probably will not.
I have been married 28 years and I could probably count on one hand
the number of times my husband gave me a nice complement.
I never understood why he would not say a few words that would have
made me feel so special.
Great job on this hub, wildove!!
DJ.
'She just spent the last hour and a half scraping, fluffing, plucking, tweezing and painting herself in order to look nice for you!' Compliments are time sensitive. Don't make us late and we'll tell you how lovely you are. Hurry up and get ready if you don't want a man to be a little miffed and silent.
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Cdpayne, I wrote this for men like you! LOL Perhaps if woman only had to run a face cloth over their face and arm pits, throw on a clean shirt, and slap some cologne on you men wouldn't have time to read the paper, check out the sports scores and slam down a cocktail before going out. But, that would probably leave you silent and miffed too! Oh, one more thing, your lady may have a better chance on making it down the stairs on time if she didn't have to work all day come home, break up squabbling children, make the kids dinner, do the dishes, arrange for babysitters and iron your shirt! Honestly though, I'm really glad you read my hub and commented!
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My guess is, he's related to cdpayne, ( below ) LOL Thanks for stopping by!
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(Above)
wildove5..Trust me there are more of these men than we'll ever know..however..on the other hand I have also heard the ones that pour it on so thick I could gag..to them it's just words..I used to have ask my husband, " do I look ok ?" without even looking at me, he would say " yeah,great "..I started dressing for me, my own style etc..I know I look great cause I FEEL great..other men ( usually younger ) compliment me and it frosts his butt...It's my attitude/confidence that shines.sometimes you have to blow your own horn.Enjoyed your share, thanks for opening up the subject for discussion..have a super Friday...
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Kj, I have this thing I do when my man neglects a kind word, Usually if I make it to the car and we are happily driving down the road I will flip down the vizor to check my reflection in the mirror and exclaim, " Damn I look hot tonight and I don't need anyone to tell me that!" The look on his face right then is actually comical. I agree though the soap-opera type complements usual are too scripted and appear fake, less is always more, just sniffing my neck or hair and a soft hmmmmm,,,is perfect for me! Thanks for stopping by!
I would definitely say that a big part of my popularity here at the Hub in my comments/compliments. Life is short. If you have something nice or good or positive to say - please go ahead and say it. I love making people feel good and promoting their writing and encouraging them.
One good turn deserves another - as my dear mum used to say - and also - always put your best foot forward - she said too.
As far as men and women are concerned - it's a too way street but from a male perspective I would encourage any man to listen to his partner and be open and honest and upfront with his communication to her.
Thank you for inspiring my mind with your awesome questions and hub articles as you always do my friend.
Sending you warm wishes and good thoughts from lake erie time ontario canada 5:34pm with a nice cuppa tea and some Cuban music
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Epigramm, your words in your comments/compliments are just as meaningful as in your Hubs. I always get a smile on my face when I see a notification alert and I see it's from you. I actually also read most of the hubs you comment on especially if it's an author I'm not familiar with. I guess I'm a bit of a " Epigramman stalker." Enjoy your tea and music, from your biggest fan!
OK here we go, first it's nice when ya'll dress up but most of the time to us you are just as sexy in your around the house wear and I love the bun. However, I think the problem is the MAN conditioning, we are taught from birth NOT to cry, have feelings, show weakness etc. It was not taught to most men beyond saying ma'am or opening the door for you. Great article and have faith some of us are learning, remember, we can be trained.
Hey, just sent one titled "Cost Ya", check it out. As far as the underlining goes, it seems if I copy from Mac's Pages it puts the underline, so in edit I just uncheck it, do not seem to have this problem copying from Word.
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GA, I have the same problem with the underlining, you have to highlight it once it is on your hub edit page and then click off the underlining icon. It sometimes takes a couple of tries. It must be because we have mac's pages. I will check your hub out now!
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Ga, you make a good point, it's sad that most meant weren't taught or allowed to show their feelings and once you hit your teen years I'm sure there is a lot of teasing by your peers if you show the slightest emotion! Your right though, most men are very trainable!!! Heading over to your hub now!
Haha, yeah we train just like a good ole dog, which a lot of us are. From what I've been through it sucks sometimes, sometimes you have to stand up just because you are a man even knowing you will be knocked down. Ah tis life, maybe I should share my life poem.
Not trying to get in your business, you know you can export a pages document into word.....
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Ga, Share it ! Nothing wrong with a good ole dog! lol
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Ga, no I did not know that! Tech savvy I am not!
Its funny , I have found myself giving away free compliments to lots of people , the girl at the bank , or the store clerk , who ever " Hey that color looks great on you " ...."Oh what a beautiful smile "......just small things in passing , its amazing to see smiles born instantly ! .........:--}
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I do the same! When you see them smile, you smile. Who knows, your compliment could be the nicest thing anyone has said to them in a long while. I just wish more people would do the same, we have no problem letting someone know they cut us off or pissed us off, yet we choke up when we see something special or kind. What a happier place the world would be if everyone just relaxed a bit and spoke up when they see something they like! So thank you Horse,,I think you're very kind and sweet!
Well I am kind ...I don't know how sweet I am though ....LOL...Ed
Hold on, you mean after I spend months in the beginning of the relationship complimenting you left and right, you mean you actually want more later on? Jeez! That's a lot of work.
There are times when men forget to compliment their significant other. Sometimes its due to not doing the simple things you use to do before you got together. Thanks for the read. Voted up.
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Torry, my man is HORRIBLE when it comes to compliments! However, I love 80% of what he does bring to the relationship. So when he neglects to throw a compliment out there when I have taken the time to clean up for a special occasion, I exclaim rather loudly, " Damn I look good today! " lol... Usually I get a sideways glance and a chuckle. But it's all good! I get revenge when I dress up on girlz night! lol
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