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Men and Money

Updated on May 27, 2010
Man's relationship with money is different from a woman's
Man's relationship with money is different from a woman's

Men are more attached to money because money is more than just money to them.

When I lived in Thailand, I had an interesting encounter with a man who claimed to be of royal blood who previously lived in New York. I was patiently listening to his monologue because he was kind enough to help me with my laundry basket. During that time I spoke very little Thai and was relieved to finally talk to someone in English. But my interest in conversation was misconstrued by this man to be an interest in him. I knew this because he began asking me if I liked to shop. I said yes, naturally. "Do you like shoes?" He continued. I found it odd that he was asking me about my shopping habits until I realized he was implying that he was going to take me shopping for shoes! Fortunately for me, I am a happily married woman and had no interest in shoes nor him. A few days later, I saw him with a young Thai woman. She was clinging to him and they were walking towards his apartment carrying several shopping bags that had what looked like shoe boxes in them.

That would have been the end of the story. But two years later, I saw the Thai woman walking alone. She said she was on her way to work. She told me that she had left this man and that he had returned to US a few months back. I later found out from the cleaning lady that a rumor spread that the man had not paid any of his bills for six months and was booted out of his luxury apartment. That love affair ended as quickly as his American dollars run out.

This happens to men all over the world all the time. They present themselves as cash cows to get a woman to cling to them and then fret when a woman does start to treat them like cash cows. It was they who presented themselves as such from the beginning. They set the stage for women to love them for what they could give. So, if they can give luxury or security, a woman would gladly receive it thinking that it is how these men show their love. The problem begins when a man can no longer give the same things he could. Let us face it, most people's bank accounts are finite. A woman who has associated her man's love with things money can buy will begin to feel that her man no longer loves her when he stops buying her things. Then, slowly she will lose interest and look elsewhere for the next source of love. That man would then start going around bars complaining that all women want is money.

I always say to men who say this that women want what they have been accustomed to getting. In truth, there are many men who are not very good providers but do give something else--lots of attention and pampering. Most of the time, men who give attention and pampering are rich in other things. They are rich in time and patience, and so that's what they give. Sometimes, that's all they can give.

A man who does not know how to pamper and give attention use money to show their love in order to get love. That is why having money is very important to them. At times, when a woman takes so much more than they can give, they get very very angry. It is only because the man fears that he cannot make his woman happy without money. The insecurity lies in the fear of not being able to sustain a woman's attention without it.

Money is just another form of energy. If a man wants to save money, then he must then stop giving money and instead give time and attention. Belief in a woman's abilities, compliments, caring and emotional support are other currencies that are actually worth more than anything money can buy.

But, a man must realize his capacity to give love outside of giving material things. To do this, he must first learn to value himself outside the cash in his wallet. He must see the things within him that are more valuable than the things he could buy. So finally he can stop buying a woman's love and instead deserve it.

The Beatles' thoughts on the matter.

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    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      sorry the link is broken...the title of the hub is Undesperate measures: a guide to getting a man.

    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      Hi,

      As in anything that we invest energy into (universal ideas, ideologies etc. etc.)these things we feel passionate about are gateways to personal values based on personal experiences. If you feel passionately motivated to disagree with something, it is in some way relevant to you. There are many ways this topic could be relevant to you. You do not have to be the one experiencing it. It is just relevant to you in some way. That is all I meant. So naturally, it was in the spirit of the idea that I say this and not an actual judgment of you.

      These patterns of transaction do happen. From another perspective (as in the case of other people who read it and didn't see it the way you did), it is actually a hub about self-knowledge and being internal rather than external.

      So however that plays out is already an expansion of a topic. A hub focuses on an aspect of reality to discuss that particular aspect. All of reality is very very large to fit into a finite space.

      I feel that you want to hold a woman accountable for how she loves a man, no matter what expectations were set at the beginning. What she SHOULD do instead what really happens. Shoulds are not the same as how it really happens. A woman should love a man beyond what he could give. While that too is true, it is not the topic of discussion. I made a similar hub that holds women accountable for men avoiding commitment. http://hubpages.com/hub/Un-desperating-yourself-A-... A man SHOULD be committed to a woman he sleeps with. While men SHOULD do that, that is not actually what happens.

      In the same spirit, women are accountable for how men treat them from the beginning.

      The idea as I said is "don't be surprised if you are treated like the way you present yourself". While its good to find yourself in a real relationship via money, it is also naïve to expect to see an apple tree when you planted an orange. Thank you for adding to the vitality of the discussion.

    • profile image

      ADI78 

      8 years ago

      I wasn't angry at all - though I am a little peeved by your suggestion that I'm biased by personal issues. Feel free to attack my opinions and ideas but please don't attack me personally.

      You're basically assigning the responsibility to the man whenever there is a gold-digging scenario. It assumes that women never deceive a man with money and let him believe he's being loved for something else. What is a wealthy man supposed to do? Hide his wealth? But that would be deception - not a good way to start a relationship.

      You're also making the case that men choose to be loved for their money. While I agree that many steer towards this situation, your article is putting them unfairly on the defensive.

      Now I think your main point is that if a man sells himself initially as a financial provider, then he mustn't be surprised if that's all he's loved for. It makes sense if you assume that a man is free to sell himself as anything he wants. But that is only true in theory. Reality teaches us that men's self promotion is nothing other than a response to women's selective behavior.

      The dehumanizing element comes in when you rest your entire argument on the fact that his first pitch was one that showed he could and was willing to provide for her. Then you jump to the end of the relationship and derive it from that initial pickup line. Now if you had said that in the whole relationship, he gave her no love, no attention and no emotional support - only money. And when that was gone she dumped him. Then I'd have agreed with the conclusion that he brought it on himself. But you're saying that it's because of his first impression and that no man can expect a woman to appreciate him for anything beyond that first impression. And, more importantly, even if she does love him for a million other things (or pretends to), he had still better keep his first "promise" or all bets are off and it was his choice all along. It reminds me of how I might buy a new DVD player. Look for specs and send it back if it doesn't proved those that were advertised. These are people we're talking about. And there's a lot you can love someone for that has nothing to do with what they can give you.

      I preferred the last two paragraphs of your hub. I'd have rather seen those points elaborated more.

    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      A very passionate reaction to the hub. There is a huge difference between what should be and what is. The spirit of this hub is accountability. There are many different kinds of women out there. Why is it dehumanizing to say that some men buy love instead of deserve it? Some do.

      It is an age old problem. It's just like women buying love with looks only to find that that fades too in time, and then a man will go to the next hot young thing. I don't know what you mean by "treating them like machines that you can happily throw away when they're broken and even blame them for it". I don't think I ever mentioned that women should leave men who can't support them anymore. The fact is, women who have come to expect nothing else but material support WILL leave when it is not given anymore. So, to protect yourself from this kind of transaction, you must have a real relationship based on love and support, not things money can buy.

      The important thing is to know what you truly can offer outside of these things. The article is quite plain in its message. Attract the right kind of relationship with the right kind of woman by setting the stage for love and trust from the very beginning.

      If this makes you really angry. The thing to do is ask yourself why.

      Either that or you did not really read the full article. Which is more likely the case.

    • profile image

      ADI78 

      8 years ago

      This is rather harsh don't you think?

      She leaves him because he can't spoil her financially anymore and you manage to blame him for it because his first move was about spoiling her. How can you be sure he didn't give a whole lot more once they were together?

      Take this analogy:

      Woman meets big strong man and falls in love with him because of his physical abilities. He has an accident and is stuck in a wheelchair. She leaves him and you blame him because he set the stage in the beginning that she loves him for his physical abilities.

      Realize now how dehumanizing your article is towards men? Treating them like machines that you can happily throw away when they're broken and even blame them for it.

      And it's infantilizing to women because you're not holding them accountable for anything in the relationship , not even what they love the man for.

      And you're being outright dishonest by trying to sell to us that men can do just as well with women if they have little or no money. You're telling us that a man who is poor can simply develop other qualities and, tadah, he will get the same women a rich man does.

      Then comes the (apparently logical) conclusion that men are the one's who decide that women like them for their money. Women have NOTHING to do with that of course. No way. They're just victims of male behavior of course!

    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      yes, they do. :)

    • profile image

      zampano 

      8 years ago

      Many women I know would agree.

      I too.

    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      true true...it goes both ways. :)

    • earnestshub profile image

      earnestshub 

      8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      Good stuff! The truth usually looks like the truth. Male or female, if we use money or beauty to get love, that love will fade with the loss of either.

    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      Checkmad7,

      Why thank you. I'm glad you got the point of this hub.(Bishop to Knight seems to be heading for a checkmate, this hub was also a checkmate move for me;)) Thank you for validating it!

    • checkmad7 profile image

      checkmad7 

      8 years ago

      Very well and critically written. It's hard for me to finish reading one hub if they are not making any solid point but your hub are full with valuable points. Thanks for this, cecilia!

    • ceciliabeltran profile imageAUTHOR

      Cecilia 

      8 years ago from New York

      crmhaske,

      Thank you (lol!)!

    • profile image

      crmhaske 

      8 years ago

      In my opinion, a very accurate analysis :)

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