- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Men and Money
Men are more attached to money because money is more than just money to them.
When I lived in Thailand, I had an interesting encounter with a man who claimed to be of royal blood who previously lived in New York. I was patiently listening to his monologue because he was kind enough to help me with my laundry basket. During that time I spoke very little Thai and was relieved to finally talk to someone in English. But my interest in conversation was misconstrued by this man to be an interest in him. I knew this because he began asking me if I liked to shop. I said yes, naturally. "Do you like shoes?" He continued. I found it odd that he was asking me about my shopping habits until I realized he was implying that he was going to take me shopping for shoes! Fortunately for me, I am a happily married woman and had no interest in shoes nor him. A few days later, I saw him with a young Thai woman. She was clinging to him and they were walking towards his apartment carrying several shopping bags that had what looked like shoe boxes in them.
That would have been the end of the story. But two years later, I saw the Thai woman walking alone. She said she was on her way to work. She told me that she had left this man and that he had returned to US a few months back. I later found out from the cleaning lady that a rumor spread that the man had not paid any of his bills for six months and was booted out of his luxury apartment. That love affair ended as quickly as his American dollars run out.
This happens to men all over the world all the time. They present themselves as cash cows to get a woman to cling to them and then fret when a woman does start to treat them like cash cows. It was they who presented themselves as such from the beginning. They set the stage for women to love them for what they could give. So, if they can give luxury or security, a woman would gladly receive it thinking that it is how these men show their love. The problem begins when a man can no longer give the same things he could. Let us face it, most people's bank accounts are finite. A woman who has associated her man's love with things money can buy will begin to feel that her man no longer loves her when he stops buying her things. Then, slowly she will lose interest and look elsewhere for the next source of love. That man would then start going around bars complaining that all women want is money.
I always say to men who say this that women want what they have been accustomed to getting. In truth, there are many men who are not very good providers but do give something else--lots of attention and pampering. Most of the time, men who give attention and pampering are rich in other things. They are rich in time and patience, and so that's what they give. Sometimes, that's all they can give.
A man who does not know how to pamper and give attention use money to show their love in order to get love. That is why having money is very important to them. At times, when a woman takes so much more than they can give, they get very very angry. It is only because the man fears that he cannot make his woman happy without money. The insecurity lies in the fear of not being able to sustain a woman's attention without it.
Money is just another form of energy. If a man wants to save money, then he must then stop giving money and instead give time and attention. Belief in a woman's abilities, compliments, caring and emotional support are other currencies that are actually worth more than anything money can buy.
But, a man must realize his capacity to give love outside of giving material things. To do this, he must first learn to value himself outside the cash in his wallet. He must see the things within him that are more valuable than the things he could buy. So finally he can stop buying a woman's love and instead deserve it.