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Men should help plan the wedding

Updated on March 21, 2021

Your involvement shows your dedication

Women want a man who will stand by them through anything; child birth, parenting, growing old, medical crisis and more. No one wants to feel alone in their relationship. When you are with someone who makes you feel alone, the first logical thing to do is look for the next exit off the relationship highway. If you think standing back and letting your fiancé plan the entire wedding and you just show up in a tuxedo at the time and date required, you sir, are sadly mistaken.

Your involvement should never appear to be a hijacking of the wedding plans. The wedding day may be known as "Her day" but it is truly your day...both of you. It is our day to show the world our love and dedication. You stand together as a pledge to the world to always stand together, for better or worse. A pledge shouldn't be a brand new concept on your wedding day. It should be a pledge based on the history you have working together.

It's time to step up together

Why has everyone become so polarized on wedding planning?

Men have fallen victim to the stereotype of the wedding being "her" day and they are just there to take the handoff from the father of the bride.

It's true of course, women have been picturing their wedding day for a long time. If not as a young girl, then most definitely after she meets a good potential match. Women know what they want, men typically have no clue or no opinion on what they want. Getting married just makes "Team Lovebirds" a legally binding union. It is not the start of their team.

Your team starts when you go out on that first date and mutually agree on having another. Your team has been building from the moment you started the first round of twenty questions.

Why should the team separate for the duration of the wedding planning stage?

It shouldn't.

Plan together, grow together

Wedding planning isn't a time out for the man. So many guys use this time to run wild with their friends in an effort to reclaim their "manhood" which most guy friends claim the soon-to-be groom is giving up in exchange for the married life. When she is planning, you should be there. Nothing says the two of you can't work on wedding prep separately but on the major issues, you should be talking it out. If every moment of wedding preparation is spent apart, the bride is there for her special day and the groom is just a well dressed spectator holding hands with her in front of a crowd.

Men, don't be a spectator at your own wedding. Participate, plan things together and use each minute together to learn about each other. Planning the wedding is a great time to begin learning about give and take in your relationship. Each person needs to be willing to give in a little here and there to help the wedding day be special for both of you.

If all else fails. Just be there for her. This time is especially stressful for women and it is your job to help alleviate that stress as much as possible.

Start with the engagement ring

Some women want to be completely surprised by the proposal. This is a dangerous area for men because they often haven't discussed the issue thoroughly with their girlfriend before running out and buying a ring. This doesn't apply to everyone. Feel free to pick out a beautiful ring and pop the question when she least expects it.

Here is another option which has far more excitement for both of you.

Shop for the engagement ring together.

She may have styles and taste in jewelry she herself doesn't understand. They may think one way but have their breath taken away when they place a ring on their finger they never expected to love.

This shows her you care for her opinion in every aspect and not only do you want to marry her, you want her to have it the way she wants it.

The real key is keeping all the purchase and proposal plans to yourself. If she knows it is coming, she will live in a constant state of excitement and wonder as she tries to conceive exactly when you plan to pop the question.

Teamwork strengthens

Everything you do as a couple should revolve around the concept of accomplishing more together than you can apart. Want the wedding planning to be stress free? Work together and strengthen each other throughout the process. When she starts to worry about the details, you can be there to calm her down. Her mom, sister, best friend or bridesmaid can never offer her the kind of support you can lend. Show her you can be there for better or worst. Trust me, the planning process will bring out both of these in both of you. If you can survive this and love each other and support each other throughout this process, you have what it takes to survive anything life throws your way.

Plan the other details

So many times as the wedding preparation takes over your lives, you forget to look past the wedding day to what will happen next in life.

Everything from personal belongings, bank accounts, insurance policies and living space must be shared. This process should be planned for and started before the wedding. You don't have to live together to know each other, but finding a new residence is easier before the wedding so you have somewhere to retreat after the honeymoon. Two weeks into your marriage is a rough time to move. Start early if you can and don't be too selfish with your stuff. There probably isn't room for all of it so be prepared to make some sacrifices.

Money is one of the top two disputes had in marriage. Make sure you've worked out your budget before the big day.

Have a budget

The wedding is not time to go into debt. Make sure you can pay for it before your big day. Having a budget in mind to help pay for it will make it easier to have a budget after the wedding. All thoughts to money are crucial before everything is finalized. Spend the last year or so before the wedding paying off any debts possible and avoid incurring new debt.

The early years of a marriage don't have to be stressed due to poor planning. A good budget can avoid a lot of fights and arguments before they ever happen. Make a budget and stick to it.

Mutual support makes a difference

Make sure you have discussed all of your hopes and dreams before saying "I do."

Know what your significant other wants out of life before you settle down. No one wants to be blindsided by their spouse's random dream which is in complete opposition to what you want from life. Make sure you know every detail possible before setting down. So many expectations are lost or put to the side when sharing your life with someone.

Just make sure all dreams are on the table. If not, someone at some time will become disgruntled with what they never accomplished in life.

We are together to help each other realize our dreams, not squish them with opposing plans for life.

© 2014 Daniel Donovan


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