Mistakes Women Make in a Relationship
Mistakes Women Make that Turn Her Man Off
The transition from the exciting time of dating to marriage can be difficult. Married life can and should be just as exciting and fulfilling as your courtship. All too often couples find it a hard adjustment and start to give up in areas of their relationship, creating tension and discourse.
Daily routines, jobs, keeping up with bills and the house let alone if children are in the picture are many things that distract a couple from keeping their intimate and romantic relationship alive. The passion of the early marriage starts to fade away.
Can this be reversed? YES it certainly can. With work and good open communication, two people who love each other can continue to love being married to each other forever. As women, there are certain things we can avoid, things that are instant turn offs to men in relationship.
Here are a few of those turn offs:
Complaining, nagging, and criticizing. This is always at the top of the list in surveys of married men when asked what their wives do that bothers them. As much as he loves you, he wants to be his own man, too. And let's face it, no one, male or female, likes being critiqued and torn apart.
Of course, we don't usually see our gentle reminders not to leave his socks on the floor as "nagging." If he would just keep them picked up, we wouldn't have to keep mentioning it. But to a man, it sounds like you're harping, nagging about the same thing over and over again, and it drives him to the point of ignoring you.
So what should you do? Men's minds are analytical. Men are fixers, problem solvers, conquerors. So make your suggestions in the form of solutions rather than complaining or nagging. Instead of telling him, "I hate it when you leave your socks on the floor," say, "It will be much easier for me to do laundry if your socks are in the hamper instead of on the floor, sweetie." See the difference? The first was a complaint; the second was a solution. Surely he will see the logic in it, and if he forgets after that, you'll know it's an honest forgetting, not laziness or spite.
Trying to control him. This goes along with #1. Men like to be independent just like women do; we're all humans with our own independence, our own thoughts, opinions and ideas. They like hanging out with their buddies, they like watching their sporting games, they like their nights out with the guys. But you like him to be home with you. There can be a balance!
Both of you may have to make some compromises. There's no reason he shouldn't be allowed to hang out with his friends and do whatever it is those guys do when they get together -- provided he's still being a good husband and father, of course. If he's out EVERY night with the guys, then maybe there's a problem. But if it's once a week or so, and he has a fun time, then what's the harm? It's selfish to insist he stay home with you all the time. Do you not like your time out with your girlfriends? Your shopping trips, movies with the girls, etc? Fair is Fair!
Sit down together and plan a night a week or every other week or once a month that it is just the two of you. Plan a date night or a weekend that is just yours together for activities you two enjoy.
Withholding sex to ‘teach him a lesson'. Neither partner should use sex as a tool for punishment or spite. Sex is the most intimate part of a relationship, and some consider it the most sacred. Either partner using it as a way of controlling or hurting the other one cheapens it. If you're angry with your mate, talk to them about it, calmly and rationally. Away from the bedroom, away from a time when one or the other has proposed intimacy and the other does not want to participate. Don't withhold sex and then make him guess why. Those kinds of games are beneath you.
Letting your emotions control you. It's a fact that men solve problems analytically while women solve problems emotionally. It's also a true that that difference is what drives both men and women crazy.
Still, this does not mean you should let your emotions dictate everything you say or do. It doesn't make any sense to refuse to go out with him because he failed to notice you got your haircut earlier that day. That's emotion talking. When you feel yourself getting emotional, that's fine -- you're a woman; emotions are part of who you are. The trick is to avoid making decisions when you're in that state. Wait till you've calmed down again and become your normal self. If you have heightened emotions during your cycle, then when it is not that time of the month, sit down with him and explain to him that when a woman goes through this time, even we do not understand our emotions at times.
Share with him that you like and need him to pay more attention to the details of your life, but also remember that men are not into details like women are. So there has to be a balance. If he did not notice you got a hair cut or a new outfit, more than likely he honestly did not notice.
Letting yourself go physically. This is a touchy subject because it usually happens to both partners. You're both so busy with work, home and the kids that you stop exercising and get out of shape. But it's men who are more likely to complain about it.
One solution is to make it a joint effort. As you notice yourself slipping into poor eating habits and less exercise, talk it over, suggest the two of you take up jogging together, or go for walks after dinner, or join a gym together. He'll see you're making an effort to maintain the lovely figure he fell in love with, and you can keep him from becoming a couch potato, too. And, any time you spend together is going to strengthen your relationship.
Sadly it is these small things that tend to drive a wedge between partners. With a little work and a lot of communication, your relationship does not have to fall victim to the statistics of divorce. Remember the things that attracted you to each other and continue to develop those things and your relationship can and will remain strong!