Mommas Boy: The Man We Love and Their Relationship With His Mother

Ah men, we love them. But do we have to love their mother too?

Be careful how you answer that or at least don’t answer it with him in earshot.

When I first met my ex-boyfriend, and I emphasize EX. I admired the respect and love he had for his mother. He would call her at least three times a week, send her cards and even make special trips to see her. I felt that if he was this kind to his mother, surely he would treat me the same and our future daughters. Right?

WRONG

Don’t misunderstand me, he treated me with the highest regard. But all to soon it became very clear that I was second on his list of the women he loved.

Mothers and sons have a very unique relationship. From the day they welcome their new arrival into the world; a bond is set. This is who he learns what love is, what it is to be cared for and about, this is where your “man” learns he’s “mommas special baby boy.”

So how do we know if this man is truly a momma boy or just loves his mother? Let's look at this closer. Answer these questions:

1. Talking to his mother a couple times or even everyday is fine as long as there is a boundary. But does he freak out if and panic that he didn't call and is worried that mom will be mad?
2. If his mother calls while you are out to dinner and says she needs him for something basically trivial, does he tell you he has to go?
3. He has a cold, does mom come over to care for him?
4. If you have a fight, does he call mom for advise?
5. Is his mom his best friend?

Alright, you still reading, that must mean you answered yes to at least one. So how do you compete with his mother? She has had him his entire life?

Well, there is a couple suggestions.

• Spend Time With Her- I know, just what you didn't want to hear. But, if you spend time with her maybe you won't see her as such a threat. Plus, she may see you as a competent replacement, so to speak. I also advise you to spend time with her alone. Go have coffee or shopping. This can put aside feelings of isolation and make you a valid part of the family.
• Talk to Him- Honesty is best. Don't give him an ultimatum as you may not like the choice. But do tell him in a considerate way that, 'while you respect the fact he loves his mother and they have a close relationship, you feel it is interfering with your relationship.'
• Compare Him To Your Father- Childish? Yes,may be a little, but he'll get the point. You cannot compare to the way his mom does things, maybe he needs to hear he isn't up to your dad. So, mention things to him that would make him just like your father.
  
  

Being with a "mommas boy" is frustrating. You never knew you would be second place in your relationship. But you fell in love with this man for a reason. I'm almost willing to bet the reason was not his mother, so don't make his mother the reason to leave.