- Gender and Relationships
Most Divorces Happen Second Monday Of January
Statistically, the second Monday of January is the busiest day of the year for divorce lawyers. Nobody knows for sure but many have ideas.
Trying to buy gifts for so many people isn’t easy even for those with plenty of money. Figuring out what to get for whom and finding the time to shop can cause frustration for us all.
You have all those visits with in-laws, family and juggling schedules to work it all in. Travel arrangements, packing, taking time off from work, preparing food and putting on a fake smile is enough to make us all nuts.
You can’t stand your mother in law but he adores her and if the two of you have conflicting opinions it can be difficult to say the least. We all have family members we can barely tolerate by blood and marriage; when it’s cold outside and we are locked indoors with these people it isn’t easy.
Dressing up for those special occasions; taking kids to play practice as well as the usual activities.
Then there are company parties, the family photos, the decorating, the traditions from his side, her side and the combined new practices you’ve incorporated either because you felt neglected as a child or some story book made you feel obligated to do them, i.e. Elf on a Shelf.
Paying the holiday bills
After the shopping frenzy, the gorging and visiting you sit down to take care of the bills of the past month and do a face palm wondering how you spent so much. Of course your expenses are all justified so of course it must be your significant other’s purchases that ran the bills up so high.
So then the arguments begin, the finger pointing and the questions. “What is this?” “Why did you buy this?” “Why did this cost so much?”
Gained weight and winter depression
Add all of the above to the fact some add on too many pounds; remember we can’t get out quite as much for that much needed exercise unless you are lucky enough to live in Florida or Hawaii. Some suffer from SAD, which is a form of depression from lack of sunlight.
Too much togetherness
Even couples in healthy marriages have arguments and issues during vacation and holiday time. We all have our set routine and sometimes we get in each other’s way. During the summer time we can at least get outside but during the winter we can’t always do that and sometimes are snowed in with each other for God only knows how long.
One person wants to do one thing the other has other ideas and if you aren’t good at compromise it can cause issues.
Little annoying things
Eventually things that didn’t used to bother you at all become barely tolerable like her snoring or his passing gas. He chews too loud, she snorts when she laughs. You start to dwell on those things instead of thinking about what you have to be thankful for.
Filing for divorce
So some of these couples (not all have problems, mind you) start bickering and thinking life would be so much, more simple without their spouse.
People who were having problems before the holidays but perhaps were holding things together just until they get past Christmas start to watch things fall apart like a house of cards. There wasn’t very much glue holding their marriage together anyway and now that the tinsel and stockings are put away they start to look around at the negative in their life. The parties and get-togethers are over so the pretense of happiness can be put away and true feelings and personalities surface.
The divorce lawyers love these people and this time of year.
What can you do to avoid this?
Carry some of that holiday spirit over into the new year. Remember the reason you married that person you share a home with, make time for each other and don’t dwell on all those little things that seem to be driving you crazy of late.
For every imperfection there are many good things about your wife or husband, find these things and focus on those and not why they make you uncomfortable. Find enjoyment in your togetherness because eventually you have to go back to work and will miss them.
I realize there are couples with big issues that can't be swept under the rug like infidelity, addiction, abuse and a host of other problems. You will need to assess your situation and decide if your life would be better or worse without this person. Make a list on paper of the pros and cons. Take into consideration the children and don't think staying together will be best for them. Sometimes a divorce is the best thing.
Getting the blood flowing and your heart rate up will help your mood and elevate your serotonin levels making you feel more content. If you can’t get outside or to a gym, run in place, do jumping jack, push-ups or sit-ups. There are many exercises you can do in a small place.
If you have limited mobility or health issues try Tai Chi, stretching or simple yoga movements: anything to get the juices flowing.
Meditation and contemplation
During the holidays we are focused on what we are thankful for but it seems when we flip the calendar over to January we forget the importance of being mindful of what we have and doing for others.
A good practice is doing one good deed a day and thinking about what you have to be grateful for each morning. It puts our minds in a better state before our feet hit the floor.
Your marriage is important, try to keep your family together if possible.
You think you have stress and money issues now, wait until you start paying a lawyer, child support or alimony.
Divorce lawyers have enough to do, let’s not add to their workload.
- How To Stay Happily Married
I’ve been married to the same man for a lot of years and never divorced. Here is my advice for staying happily married.