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Moving on after a serious breakup

Updated on March 18, 2012

It Hurts

Break ups sometimes are easy (no brainers) and sometimes hurt a lot more than what the other person may see. So with your supportive circle around you encouraging you to move on, how come you can't find the energy to even fake a smile? Do you sometimes feel like you won't ever be able to move on even if you tired? You are not alone and no your not loosing your mind. The first step to recovery starts with you being real with yourself. IT HURTS. Simple as that. Now when your circle tells you that you need to let it go, tell them kindly yes i do but it still hurts right now. By doing this you have allowed yourself to shed the false armor of pride we put up immediately in defense to the pain. This makes it come back harder when you are alone. You must first accept the fact that the other person has successful hurt you very much. That you may have been a fool but it doesn't change the fact that you are hurt. So now lets take this in very slow steps on the road to recovery.

Step 2

Give yourself time to mourn. Yes i use the word mourn because through mourning you will find acceptance and strength to prevail. Now that you have accepted that your hurt, you must then understand the pain will not just disappear over night. You shared something very deep with this person your heart. Back away from the dating game. Yes your friends will push you to get out there but if you do you will end up having flings or worse case objectify your harsh resentment onto the new person who doesn't deserve that. During your mourning destroy all your memories of this person. Throw away those pictures of you two happy. Throw away the shirt they left behind. Then feel good about it. As you throw it away think of yourself throwing them away. Don't look back. Yes you may have tears while you do this but don't talk yourself out of it. You will find it much easier as the days go by without the constant reminders. Then accept that they are not coming back. Think of them like a person who has died. They are not coming back. This is a very difficult stage, probably the hardest one of all the steps, so don't feel like you need to rush. Just take your time and grieve for a lost loved one.

Step 3

Focus on YOU. Now that you have grieved long enough, you should now focus on you! You deserve to be happy, so you don't have to rush into dating anyone, but you can flirt with others. When you leave the house dress sexy. Remember you are HOT. Tell yourself that repeatedly as you slip on that pair of high heels you been dying to wear. Or the thigh high boots that you have that just makes you feel so sexy. No you don't have to do it to impress anyone, do it for you. Then remember all those things you use to like before you met your ex. DO THEM. Why not? No time like the present they say. Just be happy with yourself and when you get those memories of what it was remember what it can be. (p.s. if you find a guy that is really into you during this time then don't let them slip by just tell them you been through a bad break up and prefer to take things slow)

Step 4

The breakdown. Yes you happened to hear or see that have someone now. You immediately think to yourself how dare they! They haven't broken up long enough with you and there already dating someone else?! This sends a wave of emotions that bring you back to stage one all over again. When this happens think not why they have some new, think why haven't you gotten someone new? Remember their is a reason they are in your past and didn't make it to your future. FORGET ABOUT THEM. They want to date the universe good for them. YOU have bigger and better places you could be. Instead of in your room crying and giving yourself a headache.

Step 5

(The final step) Stay busy and let go. Yes this is so important. I mean VERY important. Keep yourself busy, because the busier you are the more chances you could meet someone else. Men typically love a woman who has a life of her own because he has work himself into it. So keep yourself busy, smile, go for walks, plan your day with things you want and love to do. Once you do this you will see how much less you think about that person. In fact you will begin to careless what they are doing because you are having fun. Let go of the anger you felt because at the end of the day they made you stronger, smarter, and wiser. That's major pluses for you. Don't forget to keep dressing up constantly. Put on the make up. Bring your smile. Put some extra curls in your hair. Whatever you want to do. Because it makes you happy. Then just sit back and watch how many guys come rushing to meet you. You will be overwhelmed. Guys love a woman who knows she is sexy. So even if you don't feel it, fake it. You get it. Please leave comments at the bottom if you wish. Thanks for reading. :)


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    • Mistressoflove profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Rhode Island

      Thank you for reading and commenting on the hub. To adriankhy90 your welcome. :)

    • adriankhy90 profile image


      7 years ago from Georgetown


    • tapasrecipe profile image


      7 years ago from Spanish tapas land

      step 5 is perfect


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