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My Ex Is Dating Someone New, What Should I Do?

Updated on November 11, 2019
Karen Whitefield profile image

Karen Whitefield loves to read, write and nap. Find her at true marriage stories [dot com].

1. Don't Panic!

Remember those buzz words from the famous book "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" Well, yes. Between you and me: it's the solution to 100% of the dating problems that happen. Okay, maybe not 100%--it can't make that awful date you had alright--but what it can do is change your perspective towards what you just went through. If you found out from a common friend that they saw your ex hanging out with a blonde in a bar you frequent, there is no need to sit on your sofa and watch sad movies. The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and make sure that you don't react to the news (read send an angry text, write on their Facebook wall or worse, call on their cell phone and shout profanities).

The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and make sure that you don't react to the news (read send an angry text, write on their Facebook wall or worse, call on their cell phone and shout profanities).

2. Take Stock Of The Situation

If you are still "no-contact" with your ex, and got the news of he dating someone else from a common friend, then you need to make sure that this person isn't bluffing. Once you know that your ex is dating someone else for sure, take perspective of the situation. Know that you would still be with them if it had worked out. I know it's easier said than done when it comes to the matters of the heart, but you need to feed the rational side of your mind instead of the emotional. Trying to peddle to your sadness will only make you sadder, so, don't fall for that trap!

Know that you would still be with them if it had worked out. I know it's easier said than done when it comes to the matters of the heart, but you need to feed the rational side of your mind instead of the emotional. Trying to peddle to your sadness will only make you sadder, so, don't fall for that trap!

3. It Does Not Reflect On How You Are

Know that he did a horrible thing by dating during "non-contact." It probably speaks of his insecurity more than you. It's true that you'd have all sorts of thoughts from if you weren't good enough for him or what does this woman have that you don't and so on and so forth. But instead of making a laundry list of your supposed mistakes in the relationship, what you need to do is tell yourself it's not your fault at all. If a person can't respect some unsaid rules of relationships, he wasn't worth your while any way.

But instead of making a laundry list of your supposed mistakes in the relationship, what you need to do is tell yourself it's not your fault at all. If a person can't respect some unsaid rules of relationships, he wasn't worth your while any way.

4. You Can't Control How He Decides To Spend His Life Anymore

Once you have tended to that fragile self-respect of yours, it's important to know that you are not his girlfriend any more and you can't do anything about how he chooses to live his life. The dating game these days is such that you will have an opportunity to meet many more guys and you will perhaps have a better chance with them than you now have. Which is why, the best thing to do is to leave your past behind (I know this sounds like a Herculean task) and move forward with another guy.

The dating game these days is such that you will have an opportunity to meet many more guys and you will perhaps have a better chance with them than you now have. Which is why, the best thing to do is to leave your past behind (I know this sounds like a Herculean task) and move forward with another guy.

I want to end by saying that the world is full of possibilities and failure in one thing does not predict a future failure in everything. What you need to do is maintain your self-confidence by turning to people you love and getting help you need. What's done is done, now you need to pay attention to yourself and your future.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      15 months ago from Chicago

      Some very sound advice.

      "Know that he did a horrible thing by dating during "non-contact." However I'd have to disagree with the aforementioned statement.

      The purpose of a non-contact rule means the couple that broke up does not want to be tempted to either get sucked back in or they truly feel it is healthier for them to move on and heal without having deal with each other.

      This notion of having a breakup with "rules" is ridiculous. Once you set someone free or they have set you free both of you are entitled to do as you please without having to consider the other person. You're no longer a "couple" in an exclusive committed relationship.

      Whenever someone cares what their ex is doing it usually means one of two things.

      1. They still want to be with him/her.

      Essentially they have not truly accepted the relationship is over! As long as you are hoping for a romantic reconciliation a part of you is going to believe you are meant for each other. A lot of people subscribe to the "We're no good together and we're no good apart." philosophy. They see obstacles and suffering as romantic pain. They really don't want their ex to get over them!

      2. Their (ego) has been bruised!

      Even when they are the one who "dumped" someone they want to believe their ex will be lost without them, emotionally broken, or begging them to come back. It's not that they even want to get back with their ex. The idea of their ex laughing and enjoying life with someone else eats at them because it means they were (easily) replaced.

      In order to "move on" you have to want to "let go".

      Also remember you are not in a competition with your ex.

      Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you.

      You can't get to second base if you keep one foot on first.

      Turn the page and start the next chapter in your book of life.

      Every ending is a new beginning!

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