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My Ex-Wife's Gift

Updated on July 10, 2012

Breaking up can be hard to do, If you're married it gets complicated. Kids? Even more so. With court battles and lawyers, things can get nasty. So what happens when it's all said and done?

When it comes to my ex-wife, it doesn't bother me to say hello in passing but I'm not sure I would want much more than that.

I am not bitter, nor do dislike her, quite the opposite really. As I've gotten older I've learned many things and my views have changed with the growing process. If we did get into a conversation however, I would like to thank her.

My ex-wife did me a huge favor when she left me. I was given a second chance, a new lease on life. It was like a gift....okay you get it....but I made the most of it.

Her leaving wasn't a huge surprise, she had been unhappy for most of our 7 month marriage. (Yes, 7 months.) I remember trying to talk her into going to marriage counseling, then trying to give her space. I tried countless other Dr. Phil-like options, but it wasn’t’ meant to be. She had made the decision she wasn't going to be happy.

I still remember coming home from work that day. Like the old saying goes, she cleaned me out. Well, not really, but most of her things were gone and the house felt cold and empty. I was left with a couch, a tv, and my dog. Thank God she left the dog.

I did get to keep the house--which was in my name--and thankfully, there were no kids involved in our Kim Kardashian type marriage, so I was able to lick my wounds and get back on my feet without the complications of custody battles and alimony.

I remember that first night in the house by myself. I did a lot of thinking, trying to figure out where it went wrong. After that I went through several stages. There was the hating my ex for leaving stage, followed by the trying to talk my ex in to coming back stage. After some time I reached the stage where I realized I was better off on my own.

About a year later I met an amazing woman. Taking it slow at first, I remember telling her how I would never marry again. She would listen to me vent, and I was enamored by her kindness. She was mature,thoughtful,and beautiful, it wasn't long before I realized how lucky I was. I found myself thinking, So this is what I've been missing.

Today that woman is my wife and my best friend. I have no idea what my life would be like without her, and I have my ex to thank. Before, I didn't realize how a relationship was supposed to work, and I’m certainly not going to claim that I have all of the answers now, but I have a better idea.

So to answer the question, Can you be friends with your ex? I think it depends on the situation. I have no ill feelings towards my ex, and I wish her the best, but I don’t have any desire to be her friend. I've moved on, and I’m sure she has too.


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    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 4 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Sonia, I appreciate the support!

    • sonia05 profile image

      sonia05 4 years ago from india

      You have dealt with a very serious subject in a light yet mature way. That special relationship cannot be defined or described but only felt and shared. If your ex-wife had not left you, you would not have met your soul mate and would not have realized what that special relationship is!

      Well! this is the third hub of yours which I am reading and I must say I am looking forward to reading all your hubs soon. Your style of writing is charming!

      voted up!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      My thoughts exactly Paula, thank you!!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Speaking from my Queen Mother of sons......I am so very glad that she did this favor for you. The few initial pangs and inconveniences, as you now know, were blessings in disguise. How scary to think you may have had to tap dance and do hand stands for years to appease and amuse Miss "I'm unhappy." Her loss, your gain..Peace!

    • profile image

      sandy 5 years ago

      I and kelvin has been together for 8 years. We both put our capital together to open a supermarket and since then we have been living happily without any problem. I always discuss about marriage with John but he replies me with, we will soon get married. I was surprise on Friday evening when i was in my brother's house, John called me on phone and told me that we can no longer carry on with the relationship because he has find himself a rich a lady whom he want to get married to. I shocked and hospitalize for 4 days. I was so tired and tried to take my life because i truly love him. All the investment was opened in his name and signature and i am left with nothing. One Sunday evening when i was searching online for help, i was directed to I contacted him and he told me what i need to provide for he to bring back my happiness

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 5 years ago from Serbia

      I am always delighted when I read a hub that deserves all the adjectives clicked, and this certainly is a hub like that. Well done, Pete!

    • profile image

      Kathleen Kerswig 5 years ago

      Thanks for sharing. I learned so much from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I actually grew spiritually after my marriage ended abruptly back in 2009. I realize that my ex-husband led me to one of the biggest lessons I needed to learn. If we hadn't been together and struggled as we did, I never would have gotten to know myself the way I know myself now.

      I'm grateful to have gone through it all - but when I run into him, I wave and move in another direction! :)

      Good job!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Mark, not sure I could have done it again!

      Thanks Marlo, I appreciate it!

    • MarloByDesign profile image

      MarloByDesign 5 years ago from United States

      Voted UP & AWESOME. Your Hubs are so comforting.

    • Mark Pitts profile image

      Mark Pitts 5 years ago from United States

      Glad you made it through. I had to go through a couple more before I figured out what I was doing wrong. Glad you found your "right" one sooner rather than later.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Jessi, I'm glad you could relate with your situation!

      I like that Sunnie Day, definitely fits! Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Thank you pranav, and yes, I agree!

    • pranav k profile image

      pranav k 5 years ago

      This is a great writing weestro. So we should have faith in "everything happens for some good reason" probably.

      Pranav k

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      Theres a song called Thank God for UNanswered prayers. This may be one..your life may have been filled with alot of sorrow if she had stayed not being happy..Sometimes people just jump too quickly..I am so happy you found love once more. Wonderful hub.


    • Jessi10 profile image

      Jessica Rangel 5 years ago from Lancaster, CA

      This is such a great Hub! Although your marriage didn't work out, i'm glad you were able to find happiness with another person. I went through a similar position myself. I wasn't married, but I did have a son with my ex. at first, it was so easy, we loved each other and everything, but as time went on, it got harder and harder to make things work.

      One night we were arguing so much, he just got up and left, and I didn't stop him. I didnt want to. Ever since then, i've been working on myself, and my career. BELIEVE me when I say, that night changed everything for me! I feel better! stronger. And I even met someone who likes me, and understands my life, and why I want to take things SLOW!

      Great hub! VOTING UP, SHARING and Beautiful!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Victoria, thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it!

      Thanks cloverleaffarm! Humor and a positive attitude have helped me many times!

      Agreed Thomas, thank you!

    • ThomasBaker profile image

      ThomasBaker 5 years ago from Florida

      This is a wonderful story. Not many of us get that big second change in life. Thanks for sharing.

    • cloverleaffarm profile image

      Healing Herbalist 5 years ago from The Hamlet of Effingham

      Great hub. It is such a positive way to look at life. I am glad you found the happiness you deserve. Voted up!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Wow, weestro, you are such a great writer. You are funny even when writing about serious topics. And it was effective when you used humor in this one. I voted your hub up and all the way across. I loved everything about this hub.