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- Separation & Divorce
My Ex-Wife's Gift
Breaking up can be hard to do, If you're married it gets complicated. Kids? Even more so. With court battles and lawyers, things can get nasty. So what happens when it's all said and done?
When it comes to my ex-wife, it doesn't bother me to say hello in passing but I'm not sure I would want much more than that.
I am not bitter, nor do dislike her, quite the opposite really. As I've gotten older I've learned many things and my views have changed with the growing process. If we did get into a conversation however, I would like to thank her.
My ex-wife did me a huge favor when she left me. I was given a second chance, a new lease on life. It was like a gift....okay you get it....but I made the most of it.
Her leaving wasn't a huge surprise, she had been unhappy for most of our 7 month marriage. (Yes, 7 months.) I remember trying to talk her into going to marriage counseling, then trying to give her space. I tried countless other Dr. Phil-like options, but it wasn’t’ meant to be. She had made the decision she wasn't going to be happy.
I still remember coming home from work that day. Like the old saying goes, she cleaned me out. Well, not really, but most of her things were gone and the house felt cold and empty. I was left with a couch, a tv, and my dog. Thank God she left the dog.
I did get to keep the house--which was in my name--and thankfully, there were no kids involved in our Kim Kardashian type marriage, so I was able to lick my wounds and get back on my feet without the complications of custody battles and alimony.
I remember that first night in the house by myself. I did a lot of thinking, trying to figure out where it went wrong. After that I went through several stages. There was the hating my ex for leaving stage, followed by the trying to talk my ex in to coming back stage. After some time I reached the stage where I realized I was better off on my own.
About a year later I met an amazing woman. Taking it slow at first, I remember telling her how I would never marry again. She would listen to me vent, and I was enamored by her kindness. She was mature,thoughtful,and beautiful, it wasn't long before I realized how lucky I was. I found myself thinking, So this is what I've been missing.
Today that woman is my wife and my best friend. I have no idea what my life would be like without her, and I have my ex to thank. Before, I didn't realize how a relationship was supposed to work, and I’m certainly not going to claim that I have all of the answers now, but I have a better idea.
So to answer the question, Can you be friends with your ex? I think it depends on the situation. I have no ill feelings towards my ex, and I wish her the best, but I don’t have any desire to be her friend. I've moved on, and I’m sure she has too.