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My First Girlfriend at the age 25
Back in grade school, as early as I can remember, I had always wanted to find a girl and fall in love. I was very shy, energetic, and let's face extremely weird. For years I had followed the same pattern over and over again. I'd see a girl and think she was beautiful. I'd start to like the girl to the point where I felt she was the only girl for me. Then I'd like her more and more and more to the point where I would just have to tell her something. But, I was too shy and she would either get involved with another guy before I got the courage to say anything, or I would finally tell her and nothing would happen between us. I didn't start to actually tell a girl that I liked her until about halfway through high school.
I had always thought that by the time I left highschool I would have had a least one girlfriend...that wasn't the case. I only had one possibly relationship that had failed before it started. She had just got out of a relationship and I decided to wait on her until she was ready. I waited, and waited, and waited, and then one day thought I'd make a move. Sadly, I was sick during the time period when I was going to make my move, so I had to postpone until i was better. I recovered from my illness just to learn that she had went out with another guy, and she was now in a relationship with him. I know there that sometimes there are things in life you can't control, but this was a moment that I will never forget. If you see an opportunity, you should take it if you can. There isn't always a right moment to do something.
Years went by and I found my way into college. I was obsessed with the idea of falling in love. I figured I was bound to find that special someone while I was in college. But, i was still very shy during my undergraduate years. So, for me at least, approaching girls was pretty much impossible. I had this concept in my head that meeting girls was easier in college, which it is...if you do the right activities. When I was younger, back middle school, I had decide to be abstinant from sex, that I wouldn't drink or smoke. Now, while I am not mad with my decision, it did lower the amount of situations where the typical college student meets people. Without the bar scene in my life, I ended up going to music events, volleyball, and other little activities around campus. I wasn't a very popular person, and meeting friends was hard outside of volleyball...the only place I could truly be myself.
I essentially became a loner. I would go to events by myself and hope that I would meet someone, but at the events I didn't talk to anyone. And because I didn't talk to anyone I would end up going to events by myself. I was the only person holding myself back, and I knew i was the only person holding myself back. I had so much freetime while everyone was going to parties or studying. I spent more and more time on facebook, my only connection telling me what as going on with the outside world, and the only way I knew how typical people spent their college days. I continued to fall for girls here and there, but nothing ever came from them since I was so shy to tell them anything.
Finally, around my last two years of undergrad, I started to break out of my shy shell. So many years of being this shy guy became too much for me. While I still wouldn't randomly start talking with strangers at events, I did start to talk more with my friends. Up to this point, I had only been hanging out with mainly just one friend. But, in my junior year, I had found the best roommate ever. I helped me get introduced to new people, he took me to bars, he helped socialize me to the world around me. Just to let people know, just because someone doesn't drink does not mean they don't like to go to the bars and socialize. It just means they don't drink when they go. But, it was by going to these scenes that I realized that I wasn't going to be looking for the love of my life at a bar. For one thing, I couldn't hear anything anyone was saying once that place got packed. If I went to the bar by myself, was completely pointless. I would wonder around in circles not saying anything and not buying anything. I really had not being messing too much.
I started to meet friends during activities that I liked doing. I even started to learn that the best place to meet someone is during an event that you are enjoy. So, if you like volleyball, then that's already one common interest you have. So, really the best place for meeting people is at things you enjoy doing. A majority of my friends I have meet during volleyball or were in band. I started to expand my friendship circle and started hanging out with different friends.
And yet, still at this point I did not have a girlfriend. I had not even had a date with a girl. I had no clue what I was doing wrong. I decided to be more active in my pursuit. I really just wanted to have a relationship of any sort with a girl. I just wanted to know what I was missing. I was constantly thinking about girls, wanting to have a girlfriend. I was obsessed. I did go on a date or two after a while. Great first dates too. At this point I was about 22 or 23 and I was disappointed that I was going to graduate without ever had a girlfriend. And for some reason this was a disappointment to me. I had set very few goals to accomplish in my life.
1) Raise a Golden Retriever puppy
2) Get married
3) Get a girlfriend and fall in love
4) Raise a family
I was too young and financially unable to raise a puppy, and to get married and have a family you must first get a girlfriend. I didn't even care about school. I was only going to school because I felt someday I would get married and I would need a good paycheck to support the family I was going to be raising. I had gotten the idea into my head that by the time I graduate college I would be somewhat close to marriage.
I went back to school for graduate work. At this point, I had a pretty screwed up thinking on life, I had finally gotten mostly over my shyness and was able to talk with complete strangers, although initiating conversation was still unlikely. I went to grad school because I started to focus on my life and what I wanted to do. I was so concerned with finding love, that I didn't focus completely on what I wanted to do with my life. I kept meeting graduate students that I liked and would pursue them, but things would backfire. Most of the time, they already had a boyfriend. I actually once tried to 'work my magic' on a girl and thought I was getting somewhere. I talked with her every day and they were good conversation. And I tried to hang out with her, and she didn't want to hang out. Turns out she had a boyfriend, but she never told me. But, for once I had committed myself to actually doing something. I had taken a step forward, additionally, it also openned lines for a friendship group. Graduate school had fallen through. A lot of complicated events eventually led to me leaving and wanting to start anew.
So, during all this time laying dormant was the love of my life. She was a girl that I had met all the way back in freshman year of college. We had the same music appreciation class, and lived in the same dorm. We didn't talk much, but we did sometime ride bikes back to the dorm after class and before class. We both had no classes before or after the class so we both left the dorm and returned to the dorm before and after class. Not much was said between us. I started to really like her after some time. I didn't tell her...I was still very shy. We had kept in contact through the years. She kept in contact with me better than any other friend from that point on.
One year, on my birthday, we ran into each other in the dining halls and had lunch together. Afterwards, we just walked and talked around campus. I don't remember what we talked about, or what places we had walked. I just know we had walked and talked for the longest time. I had not seen her in at least a year at that point. We ended up playing a piano in the music building together. I was the obvious better player, so she mostly listened to me play. I thought about putting my arm around her or something. But, I was still very shy and afraid. Maybe it was rejection. One of the best days of my life.
We didn't see to much of each other until the end of my junior year. We started running into each other in the dining hall more frequently. We would each lunch together and talk. It was so simple. I decided after we had a lot meetings that I would ask her out. But, it was almost the summer, so I decided I would wait until we both got back from the summer before I asked her out. I really did not want my first relationship to be long distance. I wasn't afraid of having a long distance relationship, it was just that I wanted to be involved with someone close to me to establish a connection first before moving to the long distance part. At least know what I was getting into (experience a relationship). Unfortunately, it was around the next time we met that I learned she was graduating that year. I had assumed that since we started the same time that we would end at the same time. So, I thought it would never see her again and I still feared the long distance relationship...so I never asked her out.
We continued to keep in contact. When I got into graduate school, she was trying to get things figured out in her life and find a career. We started to talked more and more and eventually we got into skyping each other. I still liked her very much, but was still afraid to say how I felt even though I had gotten over my shyness. We talked all the time, it would get nervous before I would skype with her or before initiating a video call. I just didn't know what to expect to see and it was exciting!
When graduate school fell through, we were still talking. I started to really push my limits on being able to hold back how I felt. She had joined the army and got stationed in Hawaii. I was currently in Florida so our conversations essentially could only occur on the weekend, and I was 24 around the time. I really liked her but I really didn't want a long distance relationship. The only thing was, I knew she was the only girl for me. I knew back in freshman year of college when she said one sentence. She said, "It's a yellowjacket." From that single sentence, I knew she had the perfect personality match for me, that she was the perfect girl, and I felt she would understand me. So went for it. It took a couple of months to come to a point where became a couple. We have been together since Jan 2013, and I have never been happier.
I thought that I needed to date a girl before starting a relationship, but over time I realized that dating is just hanging out. Something I wish someone had told me sooner. It would have taken a lot of the stress out of asking someone out. My advice is, if you are looking for some to date. Stop! Instead, find someone to hang out with. If you start to like them, let them know as soon as possible. The best person in your life could have been there all along, hidden among everything.
I had always wanted to fall in love with someone who was also in love me. Anyone can tell you that being in love with someone who isn't in love with you is heart breaking. I had always thought I was missing out on a big part of life because I had not experience this.
Also, I got that Golden Retriever puppy.