I Lost My Love, But Never My Memories

I lost my love.

I don’t know the exact moment it happened. He used to look upon me with warmth in his eyes. That look has been replaced with distance, with indifference. That’s how I know it is over. Thousands of joyful memories fill my mind, memories created over a span of 15 years or more. I force myself not to question them, not to wonder if they are mine alone.

He read “Oh, Baby, The Places You’ll Go” to our baby every night while she grew in my belly. He came to every doctor’s appointment. I can picture the joy on his face when he held her for the first time. I hope he remembers the joy in mine. We were enraptured by the birth of our little girl. We called him the baby hog, because it was rare that he would let others hold his little girl. I loved to watch them together. Her eyes filled with wonder as she was held by her daddy. She still has that look when she sees him. Now that is a love that will never end.

He used to play guitar for us. He would play my favorite song any time I asked. He would gently tug the strings of his guitar, while he tugged at the strings of my heart.

I could spend a lot of time wishing things were different. I wish I was not sick. I wish we could rewind the clock and do some things differently. I wish I could give him what he needs. I wish he could give me what I need. Too many wishes, too little time.

Now I take it one day at a time. I take a moment each day to reflect upon every blessing in my life from a delicious cup of coffee to my daughter’s happy face when she comes home from school. I have many blessings and my life is filled with love.

This poem is about the one love I lost; my partner, my husband.

I often reach out to touch you

I turn to look in your eyes

I listen for your soft heartbeat

I long to see your bright smile.

Within my mind

I have nothing

The stillness of silence and pain.

Within my heart

I have comfort

To think of you here once again.

Please, won’t you

play for me tonight

Since me a beautiful song

Let me taste your pure sweetness

Lie beside me right where you belong.

I often think I can hear you

calling my name late at night

I feel your strong arms around me

holding me safe and so tight.

My beautiful man

I imagine,

your hand on my cheek as I cry.

My love,

I pray every evening

there will be no other goodbye.

Please won’t you

play for me all through this night

sing me a beautiful song

I’ll wait for you until the end of all time

come home to me where you belong.