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I Lost My Love, But Never My Memories

Updated on August 12, 2015
When Love Changes.
When Love Changes. | Source

I lost my love.

I don’t know the exact moment it happened. He used to look upon me with warmth in his eyes. That look has been replaced with distance, with indifference. That’s how I know it is over. Thousands of joyful memories fill my mind, memories created over a span of 15 years or more. I force myself not to question them, not to wonder if they are mine alone.

He read “Oh, Baby, The Places You’ll Go” to our baby every night while she grew in my belly. He came to every doctor’s appointment. I can picture the joy on his face when he held her for the first time. I hope he remembers the joy in mine. We were enraptured by the birth of our little girl. We called him the baby hog, because it was rare that he would let others hold his little girl. I loved to watch them together. Her eyes filled with wonder as she was held by her daddy. She still has that look when she sees him. Now that is a love that will never end.

He used to play guitar for us. He would play my favorite song any time I asked. He would gently tug the strings of his guitar, while he tugged at the strings of my heart.

I could spend a lot of time wishing things were different. I wish I was not sick. I wish we could rewind the clock and do some things differently. I wish I could give him what he needs. I wish he could give me what I need. Too many wishes, too little time.

Now I take it one day at a time. I take a moment each day to reflect upon every blessing in my life from a delicious cup of coffee to my daughter’s happy face when she comes home from school. I have many blessings and my life is filled with love.

This poem is about the one love I lost; my partner, my husband.

I often reach out to touch you

I turn to look in your eyes

I listen for your soft heartbeat

I long to see your bright smile.

Within my mind

I have nothing

The stillness of silence and pain.

Within my heart

I have comfort

To think of you here once again.

Please, won’t you

play for me tonight

Since me a beautiful song

Let me taste your pure sweetness

Lie beside me right where you belong.

I often think I can hear you

calling my name late at night

I feel your strong arms around me

holding me safe and so tight.

My beautiful man

I imagine,

your hand on my cheek as I cry.

My love,

I pray every evening

there will be no other goodbye.

Please won’t you

play for me all through this night

sing me a beautiful song

I’ll wait for you until the end of all time

come home to me where you belong.

This can help work through grief related to any loss.

The White Lily signified Joy, Hope and Life.
The White Lily signified Joy, Hope and Life.


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    • delaneyworld profile image

      delaneyworld 4 years ago from Peoria, Arizona

      Aw, thank you, DemiT. I do have lots of love and am blessed to have those who love me as well. Sending much happiness your way as well. Thank you so much for reading my article!

    • DemiT profile image

      DemiT 4 years ago from Greece

      A special and private letter to the one you love! I wish you happiness in all the little things in life and I am certain that you are a person that has plenty of love to give!

    • delaneyworld profile image

      delaneyworld 6 years ago from Peoria, Arizona

      Thank you so much, Audrey. It is hard. I don't know what I would do without my writing, my mama and my daughter. Also my online friends like you. Thank you for reading and thank you for your compassion.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 6 years ago from California

      Oh, such a hard, hard place to be. I don't know you, but my heart reaches out to you and wants to comfort you. That you can write about this, speaks to your strength.

    • delaneyworld profile image

      delaneyworld 6 years ago from Peoria, Arizona

      Thank you so much Krazikat. I am glad you visited. It was hard to write, hard to admit it to myself. Thank you again.

    • krazikat profile image

      Ophelia Madden 6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      This is just so sad. So true for many people out there, men and women alike, when the love seems to fade and there is no going back, just holdng on to the memories and the hope that something will change. I vote up, I vote awesome, for the amazing emotion here, and beautiful in memory of the love and for the memories.