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My Polyamorous Friend Ended Our Friendship

Updated on July 24, 2019

Friends Since We Were in Diapers

My friend and I -- I'll call her Carly (not her real name) -- had been friends since we were in diapers. We stayed friends into our elementary and adolescent years. Even though I ended up moving away, we would still meet up halfway during the summer each year, and either she would come to my house for a week or more, or I would go to hers. We had so many fun adventures swimming in her community pool, braiding each other's hair, playing dress up, walking to Blockbuster to rent movies (yes, this was long before Netflix and Hulu, haha), ordering take-out pizza and drinking frappacinos, writing poetry and drawing together, and even making up our own secret language. We also wrote letters (and later e-mails) back and forth to each other during the school year and talked on the phone, etc. Later, when we were in our 20's, we helped each other navigate relationships with other friends and boyfriends. Although sometimes 6 months to a year might go by without us speaking, we always knew that one of us contacted the other to hang out and catch up, it would be like old times again. That is, until the day everything changed...


A Facebook Post and an Impasse

A post I put on social media one day hit a nerve with my friend. She explained that there were things in her life that I didn't know about. Although we had been friends since we were babies, there were secret parts of her life that she had not felt comfortable divulging to me. She explained that she had done some things in her life that, although she would never do again, she did not regret. She knew I was morally against some of the different aspects of her life that she was now sharing. She confessed to me that she is now living a polyamorous lifestyle, having both a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time. She questioned whether I would want to continue being friends with her, knowing that she self-identifies as polyamorous. I explained to her that although I disagree with that lifestyle, since I am a Christian (and she's always been aware of my faith), I still love her and would always want to be her friend. I told her we could still connect over the other things we have in common, like our art-making, poetry, sewing (she is an excellent seamstress and would help me with my pathetic attempts to sew, haha), and so on. While she agreed that we would always have those things in common to talk about, her tone seemed to be one of saying goodbye. She said she hoped I could always see her as the little girl I was first friends with, and know she was still that little girl inside. I told her that yes, of course I could.


No Longer in Contact / My Final Thoughts

The next time I spoke with my friend was on her birthday. I sent her a quick message to wish her a Happy Birthday, and she said thank you and that she was very busy but she hoped I was well. That is the last time I've spoken to her, and since then she has deleted me from her social media accounts and no longer reaches out to me at all. It hurts to know that someone who was once such a precious and close friend, has cut me out of her life because of her lifestyle choices. I did my best not to make her feel as though her lifestyle would cause me to not want to be her friend. I guess she was just too uncomfortable knowing that I disagree with her choices, even if I don't condemn her or bash her in any way about it. I hope that someday we can continue our friendship, and I think about her and pray for her often. It did come as a big surprise to me that she was living a polyamorous lifestyle. I guess it just goes to show that you never know what someone is dealing with or who they really are behind closed doors. Sometimes this is true even of people you have known for years and consider one of your best childhood friends.

I like this. It gives me hope for the future regarding this friendship  3
I like this. It gives me hope for the future regarding this friendship 3

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