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My Story on Domestic Violence

Updated on January 31, 2020
Dani Caro profile image

Danielle is just a small town Preschool Teacher trying to pick up writing again, its therapeutic.

Fallsville, OH
Fallsville, OH

I'm going to share my story

There was this guy, I met him threw online dating, we talked for a couple of weeks around the summer and decided to meet up. We met at one of my childhood stomping grounds, hiked for a hour or two, got to know each other and grabbed dinner after. He was nice and funny and we clicked right off the bat. We decided to continue to talk to each other. Got closer eventually he was meeting my family and I was staying over at his place.

I loved him

with all my heart. I could see myself having a long happy life with him by my side. In December.. we went out, had a nice dinner (because he was going on a two week long vacation) We had a few more drinks than we probably should have. When we got home we decided to jump in the shower, both of us still pretty intoxicated. While rinsing off, he asked me a question about a risqué text I sent him the weekend before when I was visiting a friend in Cincinnati. He wanted to know if I was being serious. I looked at him and stumbled on the words “I was joking... well, maybe “half joking”” Trying my best to be flirty. His change in attitude towards me was so out of character, he grabbed me by my neck, responding in a very harsh booming voice “you better not be fucking lying to me” and pushed me back and slapped me in my face, almost knocking me off my feet because it was so unexpected.. I remember the sting, Hot burning sensation.. I was baffled, hurt, confused. Almost immediately he apologized, in a backwards sort of way, saying...

“Oh, I’m sorry. Come on it didn’t hurt that bad.”

The only thing I could do is get out of the shower and go to bed. So that what I did.. the next morning I woke up and he pretended everything was fine.. didn’t even address the night before, I tried to forget it. But when I got in my car to go home, I had to pull over because I couldn’t see through all the tears. Most of them relief tears due to, the next two weeks of him being gone. I didn’t tell anyone except for a close friend in Cincinnati who I made promise not to tell anyone of our mutual friends or my family. I continued to see this man, for the next 7 months He never smacked me like that again, but he would “play” slap my face. But it would freak me out and no matter how many times I said “please stop, I don’t like that” he would always do it again. He would criticize almost everything about me, to my weight, music, hobbies, jobs, friends, habits. I was never doing anything good enough. He never introduced me to his family. there was a time that he was on the phone with them and I was over, he was asking them if they knew where his lunchbox was, well I found it and yelled “hey, I found it.” And he got super mad and nasty with me. I doubt his parents even knew he was seeing me. He kept letting his ex contact him, saying that she missed him and still loved him. And would openly tell me about it and continue to talk to her.. which made me uncomfortable and I’d make it known and it didn’t stop him. He would often tell me about how he wanted to have a 3some with my best friend (sister). And when we would all hangout and party he would push her and manipulate her and me, never to the extent where that would happen, just enough (flirting, trying to do body shots on other girls) to where Drunk me would always get uncomfortable and end up crying because I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t enough or he made me feel like I wasn’t. He made it seem like he needed someone else. I just got so down. I started to hate myself. I would often catch myself crying, most of the time when I was at his house. Part of me still loved him and was holding on for the man he was and sometimes would still be. I don’t know what changed, I don’t know what clicked in my head that made me think that I needed to leave, but I did. I went over to his house and I broke up with him, he begged and begged he would change, that he could and would help me “feel better”. After I left I cried, I cried tears of relief, tears of loss, and tears for the man I thought I knew.. but there was this huge weight lifted off my shoulders. He got a job and decided he was moving to Florida. Before he left, He took it upon himself to stop by my parents house and thank them for everything they had done, treating him like family.

So then he writes this letter to my ‘sister’ telling her “oh we can be friends” “here’s my #” “maybe you can come to Florida and I’ll show you universal.”

Like who does he think he is. I don’t want him in my life, I don’t want him in my family’s life. I want him gone. And now he’s 1000 miles away and I couldn’t be happier. It took me a while, but I did end up talking to a few of my friends about everything that had happened, I got a lot of

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“You should have left when he first hit you?”

Up until I got hit, I was always the girl that said “if a man lays one finger on me in the wrong way I’m out of there.”
It’s so much easier said than done, I don’t know why I stayed so long, maybe I was hoping he would change, I wanted to make it work.
But relationships are a two way street, and that one was mostly one way..

No one deserves to be treated that way, NO ONE..

Very shortly after, I started talking to one of my long time friends. He’s such a gentleman.

Somehow he manages to make me feel like I’m his top priority. He’s so kind and sweet, hard working, just so amazing in general. (His mom did an amazing job raising him, and I’d know! I’ve met her, she’s amazing!) He kisses me unexpectedly, never forgets to remind me of how much he loves me and tells me how “I’m a wonderful women” almost daily.
I now know what love is, it’s our late night talks in our bed, cuddles to keep warm, supporting each other in our goals and dreams, cuddling with our “baby”(cat), singing The 1975 at the top of our lungs in the car, and slow dancing to Blue October. I love him. He is my best friend and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

He really makes me wonder why I settled for anything less.

I know how hard it can be, I also know how much worse it could have been if I stayed.
If you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship, just know you are strong, you CAN leave, you are NOT stuck. Don’t let yourself stick around waiting for the person they use to be return, you deserve better. There is someone out there who will treat you like the amazing person you are.
There’s no excuse for abuse.

-D.C


© 2020 Danielle Caro

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      13 months ago from Chicago

      "Up until I got hit, I was always the girl that said “if a man lays one finger on me in the wrong way I’m out of there.” It’s so much easier said than done." - Refreshingly honest!

      People say the same thing about being cheated on.

      There is a big difference between the hypothetical and life!

      Nevertheless a person who thought like this them self should not get too upset when their friends and family repeat what they've said.

      Logically it just makes sense that anyone who is unhappy in a relationship and (chooses) to stay is choosing to be unhappy!

      The reality is people who feel they're "in love" have a difficult time walking away or giving up on their romantic notion of having an "happily ever after" with their mate or spouse.

      They cling to the memories of how things started out during the "infatuation phase" and hope to get back to that point.

      The simple truth is even without any abuse the infatuation phase is temporary!

      No one gets to live out their days with sunshine & rainbows!

      Truth be told waiting until someone lays a "finger on you" is too late! Observe how they treat others or handle disappointment.

      Most physical abuse is preceded by verbal/emotional abuse.

      "He would criticize almost everything about me, to my weight, music, hobbies, jobs, friends, habits. I was never doing anything good enough. {He never introduced me to his family}."

      How does someone LOVE a person who treats them this way?

      That's the million dollar question people always ask.

      As cliché as it may sound lack (true self-esteem) or self love causes people to tolerate being mistreated. On some level they don't really believe they deserve better.

      We often hear that "nice guys" finish last. Has anyone ever heard of the LONELY "bad boy", "player", "bad , "narcissist", "thug/gangster"? No! Is that a coincidence? No!

      The reason why people make their friends swear not to tell anyone is because they want to stay in the relationship!

      This is unfair to the people who love you because you're asking them to "sympathize" without helping you to get out of a toxic relationship.

      From their point of view they're thinking: why even tell me about it?

      Life is a (personal) journey.

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our own mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us gets to have our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

      No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.

      There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough. - Anonymous

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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