ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Is My Relationship Over?

Updated on November 26, 2018

Should I Hold on to My Ex?

Is it time to let go of your ex and move on or should you still hold on? This is a question that a lot of recently single people ask themselves. When a relationship ends you may feel as though it is the end of the world and feel as if your life will never be the same. I know it is hard to imagine life without this person since they have been a constant for quite some time, and it may be one of the hardest things you ever had to deal with. Is it time for you to move on?

First off, there is always going to be a grieving period. Whether the relationship was a good one or not. We are creatures of habit and any change will feel awkward and unfamiliar. It will take time to get use to this person not being in your life anymore. So don’t worry if you are upset and crying all the time. It will pass. This is totally normal. You need to let your emotions out in order to start healing.


Can it be Worked Out?

Now a question you might be asking yourself. Do I hold on, or do I let go? The quick response is that even if the relationship is worth it and you feel it can be worked out, you have to let go, at least for now. If you don’t, any problems or issues that caused the breakup will not get resolved. Remember the saying “If you love something let it go, if it was meant to be it will come back to you.” Well it is true. In order for both people to heal and to get a straight head, you have to let it go. How is somebody supposed to realize what they had if you are still there? I have learned from personal experience that no matter what you say or do, there is nothing that will change the other person’s mind. You can pour your heart and soul out, almost to the point of begging, but that will only make it worse. Don’t do it. It does not mean the other person doesn’t care about you, it means that at this moment it’s not going to work. Then you might try compromising with the other person, saying that you will do this or you will do that and things will be better. It might work for a little while, but did anything really get resolved? Really, it might not be all about you. There might be things that both of you need to change or fix in order to have a healthy relationship again.

There is also a chance that the other person didn’t realize how much the relationship meant until you are no longer together. Sometimes it takes life experiences to realize that what you had was really good. No matter what the problems of the relationship were, unless you actually work to try to fix them, it will never work out in the end. So if you are planning on trying again, you have to be willing to change things about yourself.

There could be a chance that you and the other person feel totally different about the situation. Maybe you feel that the relationship was great, and that you would work to do your part in fixing it. But maybe the other person just doesn’t feel the same. This happens a lot. You cannot and will not ever be able to change what is in somebody’s heart. You can’t make a person love you. It is what it is. Like I said that no matter how much you beg and cry, it’s not going to change a thing. In this case, even if you don’t want to let go you have to. And if you really truly loved the other person, you will eventually let it go. If you really love someone you would want them to be happy and have a great life, whether it was with you or not.

Is it time to move on?

Do you feel you should hold on to your ex?

See results

Is it Worth Fixing?

Now, here’s how you know if you should just let it go without even trying to fix things. But in order to know if this is the case, you cannot lie to yourself. You have to be as honest as you can in order to open your eyes to realize that the relationship isn’t worth holding on to. I know that at this moment it might feel like you can’t live without the other person, and you think that things will never get better but really think about the relationship. Grab a pen and paper and write the pros and the cons of the relationship. Sometimes it is easier to read them and realize the truth, because more than likely if you are only thinking about it, you are only thinking about the good and forgetting the bad. I know that there is bad in every relationship, this is natural, but if the cons outweigh the pros then its just time to move on.

  • How did this person make you feel on a daily basis? Was it mostly laughing and playing, talking and communicating, or were you always feeling lonely and had to think about if the other person really loved you? If you had to think about it, then more than likely they really didn’t love you. Some people do have a hard time saying I love you, but if you were in a relationship with that kind of person, their action would speak louder than words.
  • Did you trust them? (This gets tricky because sometimes you have total trust in a relationship until things start going downhill, your trust factor might change and you might change because you can feel things are not going right and you start freaking out.) I am not talking about that. Believe me, fear can make you crazy and make you feel and do things that you normally would not do. I am talking about for the majority of the relationship. Did you always worry about what the other person was doing? Where they were? If they were cheating?
  • Could you express your emotions comfortably? Not only you, but also the other person. Could they talk to you? Did they talk to you? Did you feel totally comfortable with the other person, like you could be you at all times? Or did you feel like you had to tiptoe around them, because they may not approve of what you said or did? Was there more anger and fighting than there was happiness?
  • Were you both willing to compromise on things or was it just you who were compromising? (Remember compromising is important, but you have to know that everything in a relationship can’t be compromised).

If you answered most of the questions on the con side, then the relationship is more than likely not going to work and it’s just time to move on and find someone else. Again, I am not talking about the end stage of a relationship. We all make mistakes and do crazy things when the person we love is slipping away. I am talking about during the majority of the relationship. (PS if this was normal the whole time, just move on NOW.) If the breakup is fairly recent you just might be feeling more scared and feeling rejection than actually feeling upset from the fact of losing this person. It can be really scary going out into the world feeling alone and rejected. But believe me, years from now you will look back and see a big difference in true love and “being content” love. There is a big difference.


Listening to Your Heart

You are going to listen to your heart, no matter what others tell you to do. It just always works that way. And you will learn your own life lessons, which will only make you stronger. But just stay strong in the mean time. You will figure it out and you will be ok. It might take a week, a month, or a year or two, but what is meant to be will be. Remember to take care of yourself and keep yourself healthy! If you don’t love yourself, nobody else can either.

© 2010 Jennifer Bates


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)