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Nagging and Naggers: Toxic to Any Relationship

Updated on January 25, 2012

"Oh, honey, can you empty the dishwasher this time?", "Sure, I'll do it later". "Why can't you do it now and just get it out of the way". "What's the rush, I said I would do it later". "why can't you do anything when I ask you to do it?". "I do, but it is not a priority. I said I would do it when I am ready". "Why does everything have to be done your terms?". "What is the big deal?". "I really want it done now, it's your turn". "Fine, I will do it later. The damn dishes will be there later". " You know, this really pisses me off. You never do it now, it is ALWAYS later. You are just a lazy ass"."I am a lazy ass?! I empty this thing several times in a day. You know, forget it! I will just do it myself!"

The cycle of escalation in conflict. Usually, it is over mundane and little things but always over the same little things day in and day out. So, in a course of month, the toxicity of the anger rises, erodes how you feel about the "love of your life". Taints them. It works both ways. Over a course of a year, the relationship may suffer greatly or worse, not exist anymore. The naggers and nagging always choose their battles and the sensitivity over them becomes so bad that it is a real minefield that causes explosions and lost tempers. Suddenly, nearly everything between the couple seems like a trigger point and because of this fear, there sets in a considerable cooling off and distancing between them. Soon, the attacks or battles are personal or become that way and personalities are reexamined. What was fine before or overlooked is now no longer acceptable or tolerated. Now the relationship is war zone many times because of personalities or habits. If a person is the one being nagged frequently, things only get worse because they tune out the nagger as soon as the nag begins. Kids and teens to this all the time with parents. It is no different. Adults revert back many times to this state because perhaps it is something they did with their parents.

According to experts, women nag more than men because women feel more responsible for the home front. Women also want a response to the nag faster and if they do not get it, the nag some more, which only makes it worse. Men tune out their wives or provide an obscure answer to the nag. Nagging to men, when coming from a woman, makes them feel like they are kids again being scolded my mom, so they use whatever defenses they used a long time ago to deal with the nag. Divorce can result from nagging especially if the couple would rather fight over the things instead of talking about the reason for nagging. The worse impact is the negative feeling between the two people that erodes their love for one another over time and then leads them to do other things that worsen it.

Experts say that the naggers should soften their approach or requests so that it is not threatening or demeaning in tone, try to be more neutral. Do not couch the request so that pressure or a deadline is demanded and try to understand how your partner reacts and what makes them tick.


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    • perrya profile image

      perrya 6 years ago

      i do think differences in habits, personalities surface more as time moves on. People do change. These sores make one intolerant to the point they want little to do with the person they married.

    • jeyaramd profile image

      jeyaramd 6 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario

      Yes, Nagging is detrimental to relationships. Sometimes its just a matter of pet peeves. However, I always like to put items on my iphone. So that my spouse knows that I will get it done. As long as I keep a good track record. She is good. And I am good. Therefore, we are both good. Thanks for this enlightening hub.

      At the root; I think its a problem with planning, prioritizing and organizational skills. Some of us need more help on that forte. And we should all help one another. Perhaps they are too stressed. Look at the root cause. Its better than going over the same old arguments. Imagine doing that at work. We would be fired. So, we should strive to find solutions at home too.

    • hecate-horus profile image

      hecate-horus 6 years ago from Rowland Woods

      This why I don't nag. Well, I don't nag... a lot. :)