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Nipple Sensitivity

Updated on November 17, 2009


I am writing to you to ask you for your help. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I want to be sensitive to her needs and I want to be a good and supportive boyfriend and lover. The problem is this. When we start to fool around as soon as I touch her nipples she pulls away and tells me to stop. It puts an end to the mood. I don't really know what to do. Is this common? Can you give me any advice?

Thank you for your time.


Dear Peter,

There could be a couple of different things going on here. And I have some ideas to share with you, and some advice you can try.

Some men and women experience overly sensitive nipples due to a concentration of nerve endings. Your girlfriend may have too much sensation in that area. This would render her unable to enjoy your caress. This isn't your fault.

But the bigger problem isn't the physical here, its your lack of communication. Instead of smacking your hand away or just saying "stop", your girlfriend should be communicating with you. Ask her what she's experiencing. Ask her too suggest another erogenous zone she enjoys like her neck that you could tickle or stroke to bring arousal during foreplay.

If every time you touch her in a certain spot she tells you to stop, then stop touching her there. Your touching that area without trying to talk to her about it first could be exactly why there is a dialogue breakdown here.

If oversensitivity turns out to be the problem, I have a suggestion. Even people with the most sensitized of nipples can usually handle their own touch. You could ask her if she could gently touch her own nipples while you watch. Maybe you could even put your hand over the back of her hand while she does it. Even though you would not be touching them directly, you'd still be touching her. This should be an incredibly intimate and sensual thing you can share together. It could be wonderful for her because it represents your patience, your thoughtfulness, your ability to listen to her, and your desire to please her. Even if she only wants to do this for a few seconds, its still an act of trust and should bring the two of you closer.

Peter, it is possible that there's more to this. For one thing, maybe this is a symptom of a medical problem. If this sensitivity hasn't always been there, she should consult her doctor. Something as slight as a change in birth control pills could help. And maybe something as big as a mammogram is in order. It's best to be safe than sorry in these situations.

Another possibility is that maybe someone hurt her once there. Maybe it wasn't on purpose, maybe someone was just rough and insensitive, and she has that knee-jerk reaction to not let that happen again. As her boyfriend you need to know any hang ups or issues she has about the different aspects of love making.

Even though this is just one small part of foreplay, which is only a part of love making, it is important. You said it kills the mood. You have to dialogue about this. You have to talk to her about what's going on and find out what you can do together as a couple to move forward. Even if the outcome of the conversation is that this one area is going to be hands off, at least it's an answer. You'll need to respect her on this. You won't try to touch them and she won't say stop, and hopefully eliminating that tense moment will create a smoother flow in your foreplay.

Thanks for this question. Good luck to you both.

If you like this HUB please click the “Thumbs-Up” below just before the comments.


All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.


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  • agaglia profile image


    7 years ago

    what a sensitive hub to a very delicate issue. Thanks

  • profile image


    7 years ago

    Thank you for your article, it was well written and informative. I read what some other people wrote in response and gather one of the commentors wasn't very nice. It's good to see so many people wrote to back you up. I am brand new to Hub Pages, or any kind of on-line interactive community. It seems like an interesting way to connect with people, even if you have to incounter a few stinkers.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    It looks like I'm late to the party. I wasn't in a chat and I don't see the comment everyone is talking about. But I gather from the recent slew of comments that someone posted some a ridiculous commentary concerning the advice in this piece. I work in a doctor's office and can tell you the article about offers very sound advice. You want to consult your doctor about changes in feeling, color, sensation, size, texture, discharge, and appearance. The article responsibly speaks to that, and then goes on. A lifelong over sensitivity to touch in this area is common. The advice on letting her control the sensation by touching herself is exactly what a doctor or therapist would advise. His having his hands there as she does this sounds intimate, trusting, and quite frankly beautiful. It's hard to imagine someone would know so little about sexuality and health, and yet have the audacity to attack someone that clearly does. I'm passing this link around our office. Great work, Veronica. Don't let the idiots get you down!

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Well whoever that was at ip if it's a he or a she or whatever, they know nothing about sex, the female body, or what turns men on. What a wanker. I still think it's a girl because any guy no matter how stupid knows how hot it is to touch a woman while she's touching herself. Veronica you're too good to have to deal with that crap from imbeciles and jealous wannabes.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Dear Veronica,

    I am glad to see I'm not the only one from chat that couldn't just

    drop this. This is a fantastic article handling an extremely sensitive

    subject with a great deal of sensitivity and intelligence. To see a

    comment so full of hate and stupidity is absolutely disturbing. You

    have 250 articles on this website alone. You are a talented writer and

    you are an expert in relationship advice. "Bell" has no business

    questioning you, especially when everything she says is too stupid to

    even consider. Her idiotic statements prove she is no expert. "She's"

    nothing more than an insignificant little moron, trolling the internet

    and lashing out from lack of anything better to do in her shallow

    little life. I'm staying with what I said in chat - she's actually a

    college aged male with the maturity of a 6th grader. What a pathetic


    I realize the chat was just about the hassles of publishing online,

    and the things writers like yourself have to deal with. I also realize

    you share these things to teach us how to protect ourselves, our work,

    and our feelings. I completely realize your reasons for sharing the

    unposted comment and the IP Detective service you use had a higher

    purpose. But I am one of many that simply can not just drop this as

    you had asked. "Bell" is intolerable. That last line about most women

    know the need of a man - what a psychotic thing to say. Calling the

    women you've helped suckers, really quite damaging and dangerous. I

    did think it was interesting the stupidest comment possible came on

    the heels of that edu jerk.

    Really, how clueless could one person be not to understand why a lady

    touching herself, controlling the stimulation, and including her man

    with this is the perfect answer. It's brilliant. It controls the

    overstimulation, it's sexy as hell, it's intimate, there is nothing

    that isn't spot-on with that suggestion. This is why I think the total

    moron that commented has to be a college aged boy. Who else would know

    so little and be dumb enough to blab and show it. The flood of

    responses about that in chat was priceless.

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from NY

    Sally, all I'm going to say here is that I'm very happy you and Peter are doing so well and that I was able to help. Love seeing you in the chats! Best to you.

  • Lala_Lisa profile image


    8 years ago

    Damn, I love those chats! I'm so glad you brought this Hub up tonight and shared that comment from that fucktard. The grammar, the use of 5 questionmarks, it really has to make you wonder how some people are able to navigate intersections. When you showed on the map where the IP came from I was relieved this idiot isn't driving around in my country.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Hi Veronica,

    I'm commenting again. I am in your live chat right now and just couldn't get over the deranged woman that left that crazy comment you shared with us. I know you asked that no one focus on it, but since this lovely Hub was in response to my question to you I felt I had to. As I posted earlier, your advice was perfect. Why would any on want your advice to simply state - check with a doctor - and leave it at that? Like you said, it's wise especially if this is something new. And like I said in my comment, this wasn't new it was life-long. You were wonderful and responsible with your advice. I took all your suggestions and I've been very happy since. You really know what you're talking about. I pity the person that couldn't understand my situation, or your lovely advice. Thank you again as I said before, you've helped me and I'm sure countless others immensely.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    I used to live on Kingsway, right near that dolt! I'm talking about the frigid moron that commented she couldn't understand what the turn on would be for a man to see a woman touch her nipples. Wow, what a clueless wench. Veronica, I don't know how you put up with getting such asinine comments. Obviously, not posting them is great. Letting us see them in your live chats is even better. We

  • jaymelee23 profile image


    8 years ago from United States

    Very interesting..

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    I'm a senior citizen but I have the opposite problem. My wife's nipples aren't sensitive much but mine are after working with them for years...and she knows it. It used to bother me, like feeling invaded, when she touched them. She started sucking on them and she saw that got me aroused so she quit touching them. It's funny how some things work and some don't

  • dawnM profile image

    Dawn Michael 

    8 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

    wow great hub and very interesting, yes women can have nipples sensativity but you are correct she should talk about it, if she is willing to allow a man to be inside of her the least she can do is have ability to talk about why he cannot touch her nipples.

  • nagarajnow profile image


    8 years ago from Tamilnadu

    good question and also a solution too..

  • rebu profile image


    8 years ago from Coorg,India

    great article ..thnks..

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    the last time my BF touched my nipples i fainted!!!!help!!!!

  • profile image


    11 years ago

    Being married to a wonderful woman who also has extreme nipple sensitivity, I have learned a lot just by observation.

    It is my personal opinion that the concentration of nerve endings are the same as they are for every any other woman, but the problem lies more in the 'knee jerk reaction' you described.

    How did I arrive at that conclusion? By taking note of the fact that only moments after denying my touch, she is able to twist, pull tweak, or do anything whe wants to with her OWN hands without experiencing any discomfort whatsoever. I beleive without question that the problem lies on a much deeper psychological level.

    'Peter' should either give up and use an alternative technique as you suggested, or if he is obsessed with nipples as some men are, should look forward to many, many, long hours of therapy for his girl, and that's if she is willing to go. Even that does not gaurantee success. Chances are his girl has a history of being abused at some point in her life. Again, he would do well to find out more about her hangups, or the relationship will never last.

  • profile image


    11 years ago

    I have this problem with my boyfriend. Is there anyway that I could make my nipples less sensitive?

  • soni2006 profile image

    Rajinder Soni 

    11 years ago from New Delhi, India

    wonderful article my dear

  • soni2006 profile image

    Rajinder Soni 

    11 years ago from New Delhi, India

    wonderful article my dear

  • profile image


    11 years ago

    I want to thank you for this article. I am experiencing an issue about this with my wife. For some reason we do not discuss it. Which is stupid. I want to suggest we try what you suggest and I want her and me to talk about this. I feel understanding now that I didn't have before. So I just want to thank you for this.

  • profile image


    11 years ago

    I can't thank you enough for this very sensitive article. I think your recommendation to just check with a doctor if this is something new is very responsible advice. I have had this problem my whole life. I never thought of trying to touch them myself with my partner holding me. That's such a great idea. I am really impressed with how sensitive you were to this issue, and I think the advice you gave was just wonderful. Medical blogs don't usually address the sensuality part of this on a personal enough level. And certainly I wasn't looking for a raunchy response. This was perfect. Thank you Veronica.

  • Isabella Snow profile image

    Isabella Snow 

    11 years ago

    Ooh! Self-touching while a man watches or helps. I always put in that in my books. Women love that, good suggestion!


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