ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

No - It's Not The Worst Word You Can Say

Updated on October 10, 2019

No

A small word. Just 2 letters.

But a word with so much meaning, so much power.

If we use it right. If we mean it and stick to it.

But it's a word that so many of us struggle to use when we need to the most.

It's a word that causes a huge amount of internal conflict, because even when we know it's the right answer, we believe that those 2 letters, that one word, says everything bad about who we are if we use it.

If we say no, we're unkind, mean, not nice, difficult, confrontational, rude, selfish, disrespectful, unlovable, undesirable, unhelpful, unsupportive, everything that people don't like.

So instead we say yes.

Yes is easier.

It keeps the peace, it makes everyone else feel better, it doesn't cause as many problems, it's the polite thing to say, the nice thing to say. It makes us easier to love, easier to get along with, easier not to get angry at.

But sometimes we want to say no. Sometimes we need to say no.

So why is it so hard to say, especially to someone we love who is dealing with addiction?

Saying no is about asserting ourselves and about taking the responsibility of actively choosing what we will and won't accept, do, say or feel.

Saying no is about directing the course of your actions and your outcomes, regardless of what others would have you do.

The thing is, when you say no and someone doesn't respect your answer, they are trying to control you, manipulate you, force you to give them the answer or follow the plan they wanted you to.

When you say no, I won't, no, I can't or just no and they try to change your mind which ever way they can, you haven't been heard, you haven't been respected, your choice hasn't been valued above what the person you've said no to wants.

It is said that no is a complete sentence. And when you're strong in yourself this is usually the case. But if you've lost your sense of conviction, or never had it to begin with, no tends to be the start of a negotiation. A negotiation with those who know you don't have the courage to push back, to get you to the point when you change your mind so that they can get what they need and have it the way they want.

The thing is, it's not their fault.

We all take the easy road, if we can, and having people in our lives that will step aside for us, do things our way or give us more of themselves at their own expense makes living a life with addiction that much easier.

But what does it do for the person who said yes, when they meant no?

It erodes their self esteem, it keeps them small, it makes them do things they don't want to do, it causes them to feel frustrated and disrespectful of themselves, it takes away their power and creates a feeling of having little control of their lives.

It feeds regret, and shame. It wastes energy and depletes confidence.

From one word?

Think of all the things you have said yes to for the addict in your life, when you wanted to say no?

Then think of the feelings that came with those moments and, because I've been in your shoes, I feel pretty confident they will match some of those I have mentioned above.

The old slogan Just Say No seems ironic when it's the addict you need to say no to as much as they need to say no.

Because they can't say no we live with and love addicts. Because we can't say no we enable them to keep saying yes to their addiction.

Learning to say no is one of the biggest steps of freeing YOU from the clutches of addiction. When we say no we stop enabling, we stop feeding the addiction, we stop creating a safe space for it to stay settled and permanent.

It won't be easy, it won't always feel good, but when you can begin to say no you take back your power, you take back your choice, and you begin to decide what will be allowed in your life.

And you will be surprised how quickly the addict in your life begins to understand that you are no longer open for easy manipulation and enablement.

You can regain a much more even footing with this simple word and also regain a sense of control over your situation.

You have every right to say no. It's a word you can choose, just like anyone else.

It doesn't mean anything about the kind of person you are, it simply means no.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Edward J. Palumbo profile image

      Ed Palumbo 

      8 months ago from Tualatin, OR

      Those who financially or materially assist addicts enable them to deepen their addiction's hold. There's a time to say "No".

      If you invest in their habit, you are not helping. You are a band-aid on a gaping wound. I can't think of a more manipulative personality than and addict because he/she doesn't belong to themselves; they are a slave to their addiction. In answer to the question, "How can you tell when an addict is lying?", a colleague answers, "His lips are moving."

      There are programs to help the addict fight addiction. You can help by directing them or requiring them to enroll in such a program, but you waste your efforts if the addict doesn't acknowlege a problem and genuinely want to change.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)