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No Jack, You Can't Wear Panties | The Objectification Of Men

Updated on October 21, 2009

There's an ongoing debate between the men who like to wear 'womens' clothing and the women who say that such behavior is utterly unacceptable. The strongest argument I have encountered on the side of women who believe that men shouldn't be able to wear women's clothing is the argument that it simply isn't attractive.

Usually women who make this argument acknowledge intellectually that yes, clothing is just clothing and it doesn't have a gender per se, and that yes, everyone should be free to wear what they want to, but at the end of the day, they have the right to be attracted to whatever they want to be attracted to and that isn't a man in a pair of lace panties, thank you very much, mhhhmmm.

I can't and I won't argue that a woman should be attracted to a man who wears panties just because its entirely sexist and hypocritical for her not to be. I'm not going to say a woman is bad or evil for being unable to stomach a man who wears women's clothing, but I do think that she is blindly following the programming installed in her by her cultural experiences to the exclusion of finding a partner who truly loves and appreciates her and will treat her well. She's also not giving herself a chance to reassess her idea of what 'attractive' actually is. Believe it or not, attraction is not a concrete thing. It can change very quickly based on circumstances and both external and internal influences.

I understand why she'd go with the traditional style male however. It feels on some level 'better' if a woman can have a man who pushes all the buttons she's been taught to believe she has. Tall, dark and handsome. Rugged. It's a cliché, but we love cliches, we really do. Men have trophy wives, and women, well women have trophy boyfriends and husbands.

You see, some women exist in constant competition with other women. They have a group of friends who alternate between being a source of support and fun, and being a pit of venomous bitching snakes. These women want a man they can show off to their friends and be proud of. In these women's lives, a man isn't just someone they love, its someone who makes them look good.

Why do you think some women attack other women when their man has been unfaithful? It's because, on some level, they see the man as being almost inanimate. He is a prize, a possession, a thing she owns and she must defend this possession from the other woman who might steal him away. The fact that we even use the term “stole her man” says a lot about the way some women perceive men.

It's been popular for women to complain about piggish men objectifying them, but how much more objectified can a person get when we refer to them as being 'stolen'. When we say someone stole someone's boyfriend, everyone knows that a little hussy didn't come along with a rag filled with chloroform, drug the guy and hold him prisoner in her boudoir until he succumbed to Stockholm's syndrome. No. We know that what really happened is that the boyfriend left his girlfriend for another woman.

If this is the way a woman wants to choose her partner, based on his adherence to socially acceptable norms of behavior, she's quite likely to end up with someone superficially perfect but fairly empty on the inside. Why? Because she's so obsessed with finding someone who makes her look good she ends up finding someone who has devoted a fair amount of time to making himself appeal to the norm. Someone who has made himself the picture of propriety isn't likely to also be someone who has spent a lot of time discovering who he really is. Real people very rarely conform to norms. He's not likely to be very open minded (which, trust me ladies, has a major downside when it comes to other aspects of your relationship,) and there's a fairly good chance that he'll also have picked up some socially acceptable but quite negative 'masculine' traits, just because he can.

Instead of worrying about what a man likes to wear, what if we worried about what he was like as a human being? There's a novel idea.


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    • profile image


      9 years ago

      You are Diva darling, I can share another time. Just enjoyed reading all the comments.I am so jealous of these men with all the disposable income. Lets face it panties don't come in 3 packs for $7.99. Especially lacey ones in boys sizes. I would love to get Dav o's address and phone number. I love men that like to big note them selves. Such easy prey. Ok bye for now.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      So heres my story, my current girlfriend of one year knows I like womens panties and has for some time now. She found out very early in the relationship but has not said anything good or bad about it. Over the last year I have presented that I wear her bras too sometimes and so finally she came out and said she did not understand why I do it, why would a man want to wear panties and a bra. Well I explained that it is just something I enjoy. She didn't seem excited about it but she also said that she wouldn't want to take something away from me that I enjoy but that she still didn't understand. Some time had past from that point and I occasionally would still wear her things, sometimes when alone, and sometimes to bed. Recently I was out shopping and I told her that I got some things for myself so that I would not stretch her stuff out anymore but she did not say anything about it. I proceeded to wear what I purchased for myself to bed one night which included stockings, seemed as all was well for about a week when I found a message from her on a help bored that had comments like this " I just want to burst into tears whenever I recall the images of him in lingerie" a lot of what she said it seemed as if she is having a hard time still loving me knowing that I enjoy this. I dont understand...I dont know what to do...any ideas?

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      9 years ago

      Great story dave0, thank you for sharing it :) Thank you to everyone for your comments.

      The one saving grace here is that not all women subscribe to the views of the article above. It's just a matter of finding one of the many women out there who has a broader view on life.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      After reading the above post I wondered what would happen if my wife and I divorced. We are like most married couples and fuss but haven’t done the big “D” yet but in today’s world nothing is impossible and I don’t want to plan for divorce. The idea did come up in my little brain though what if? Would I try to date again in panties because really after wearing them for so long that’s me or would I wear men’s briefs and try to introduce later. Would I ever be a “prince Charming” and the lady discover me in panties and freak. That’s only hypothetical because I can’t read the future. Most of the women that I would consider dating and attracted to are pretty educated and at least slightly liberal. I have never had an affair on my wife; these would only be nurses that I work with that would be compatible.

      My wife has large breasts and wears men’s briefs; I obviously knew that before I married her. I married her because she was a hottie and I loved her. During our first romantic encounters I wore briefs but she knew before we married that I enjoyed wearing panties. She has told me the same, “She married me because she loved me”.

      The object is not what “Prince Charming or Princess Charming wears but who they are. If we have reached the point cognitively of whom the price or princess is before we discover what’s underneath in reality; it shouldn’t matter. When we were dating and I finally got my soon to be wife undressed she wore men’s boxers. That’s not a turn on for me but she was. My wife is very feminine and yet she wears boxers. They are worn because she loves the feeling. She did know that I wear panties before we married because I told her. I don’t recall a shock and when I wore them for her still no shock.

      We are both accepting each other as respect for each other and allowing each other to be ourselves. I do have a feminine side and it is accentuated by me in panties however she is still very feminine and denies any masculinity despite wearing boxers. I am ok with that.

      I have looked back and tried to wonder how some of the women I dated would have reacted if I had been in a pair of sexy hot hipsters and I promise you they would have revolted but most dated me because I was an ex. Navy Seal and that’s what they enjoyed.

      I am on the exterior a very masculine guy but from belly button to mid thigh I’m feminine and my wife understands.

      As a society we spend too much time on what makes the ideal mate based on societal bias and too little time on what we really want from a lover, friend/wife. I hope it never occurs but if I become divorced I am staying in panties and could care less.

    • profile image


      9 years ago


      Let me expand on your hypothesis just a bit, if I may.

      Consider this: a woman finds herself attracted to an intelligent, reasonably attractive male who meets all of her criteria. They date. They socialize. He's "Prince Charming," as far as she can tell.

      Then they become intimate. That's when she sees the lace panties. She is suddenly profoundly disappointed and "put off" the fellow, thinking to herself "I just KNEW he was too good to be true."

      What happened? Why did it happen? His behaviour didn't change. His essential decencies weren't supplanted by a sociopathic serial killer's lack of conscience. He was just wearing a pretty pair of lace panties.

      Where, then, do we find the genesis of our hypothetical heroine's change of heart? Was it in her upbringing? Her religion? Her own perception of her self-worth? I honestly don't have an answer.

      When one drills down and considers these clothing issues separate and apart from artificial gender issues, one finds an almost insane separation of otherwise rational people from reason itself that transcends western concepts like "transvestism" or "crossdressing."

      I submit that what undergirds these apparel based horrors is the same set of prejudices that leads men in Afghanistan to murder women for not wearing beekeeper suits. I just don't have a good name for the over-arching phenomenon.

    • Mac Mission profile image

      Mac Mission 

      9 years ago from bangalore

      Your hub is interesting. Not for the sake of words. I read the above hub. Its really interesting.

    • profile image

      dave o. 

      9 years ago

      I love the wearing of panties. It’s that simple. They are comfortable. I enjoy the snug feeling and they are definitive of me. My wife is very accepting. I wear them 24/7. My present occupation is an ER Nurse so I hear women’s comments on about everything especially the ones that know me well and I have worked with for a while. The panty discussion has come up several times and it’s all the same “I want my man to never wear panties…it’s not masculine”. Only one girl at work knows I wear them. I am 6-0 and 210 and I am a gym rat. My former occupation was a Navy Seal for 21 years. I am also a volunteer fireman and work dive rescue. What I do for a living doesn’t define me as who I am and neither do what I wear underneath my work clothes. Wearing panties is simply my choice of underwear. I wear several types but my most popular are Hanes Hipsters; they don’t show panty lines through scrubs and my body type fits them well. At night I always wear white in case of an emergency dive rescue which I may have to change in a public area quickly and at the gym I can strip my panties off with my jeans so fast few if any have noticed. All of us have a testosterone/ estrogen whether we are male or female. Around the house and sometimes in bed with wife I enjoy some flower patterns and I love pink. I am not sure that’s my feminine side but I could care less. I love them.

    • profile image

      Alan S. 

      9 years ago

      I praise you for your wonderful site and blog!! Each article is so uplifting. Yes, i wear panties, girdles (shapers), corsets (waist cinchers), have some heels and have delved into wearing my wife's lingerie (bras, skirts, dresses when she is not around). My wife tolerates my shapers and cinchers because of my bad back. She is too traditional in what a man should be, but has the double standard of being masculine when she wants to be and feminine when she wants to be. I can be sensitive but have to be a real guy. There will be no changing her, so my cross dressing will be when I am alone. Hooray for your quite perceptive and encouraging blog for us CDs.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I agree with Fairy Mary - and it's all areas of our lives too, not just this hot topic. I would be a hypocrite to say I don't judge people or situations - we all do it. I guess it's worth reminding ourselves that we are all different, thank goodness, and to be open minded, kind, thoughtful and to treat people how we would want to be treated. And to wear panties whenever you want, whoever you are :)

    • profile image


      9 years ago from Central Coast NSW Australia

      I think you may be onto something here.

      It's a sad thing to find so many women who are shallow and insecure.

      Looks have much value in the society in which we live.

      Women are not interested in you if your not a well toned pretty boy and those are not the ones who wear lingerie or skirts either. They are as insecure as the women they are attached to. They fear anything not 100% Genetic specific is Gay. I prefer women are are as bent as i am who are more interested in fun than being a show pony. Thankfully, there are a few cool and funky women like you who allow us men to have a voice and express ourselves through our personal choice in clothing.

    • profile image

      fairy Mary 

      9 years ago

      Right on the nail Hope. Most women I've associated with appear to follow the programmed responses noted in your hub. I regret to say it but open minds (male or female) are thin on ground and finding such people is still quite a challenge.


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