ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Nobody Tells Single Women How Much Fun it is to Live Alone

Updated on September 29, 2012

Surprise! Marriage is an Option, Not an Answer

It is not possible to turn on the television, go to the movies, or even search the library shelves without finding a story about women who landed their Prince - and a happily ever after. Real life is a bit different.

Don't get me wrong. For many years I was one of the faithful and believed that marriage and a husband guaranteed bliss. Like many women, I thought that my life of cooking, cleaning, caregiving, and working at a full-time job was "the good life". It wasn't until divorce turned my world sideways that I got an inkling that there was something else out there.

But I'm a slow learner and it took many relationships for me to realize what smarter women have known all along. Marriage, or even living with a partner, isn't for everyone. In fact, the dark little secret no one mentioned to me is that living with another person often feels like hard work and women stay for all kinds of reaons which have nothing to do with their wants or needs. We often get in and stay in because we've been taught that's it's the right thing to do.

It's not an easy thing for a woman in America to shake off her addiction to relationships, and really, who wants to give up the idea that there's someone out there who can come galloping up and complete them?

Answer: Any woman who is determined that she will live life on her own terms, be in charge of her own feelings, and wants to bask in the heady freedom all of that brings.

There are a lot of people who believe that a woman lives on her own because she's somehow defective, can't get a man, is waiting for a relationship, or is just rationalizing that she enjoys her lifestyle. I have no doubt that this is true of some women, but it's equally true that more and more women are discovering it's just as easy to become addicted to the joys of self reliance and freedom as it is to become hooked on marriage. Sometimes it's even easier.

Glad You Like the Life, But What's In It For Me?

I can only imagine my readers are thinking that I am a freak of nature - that one-in-a-million woman who really, truly does love living without marriage or even a committed relationship. That would be wrong. Both statistics and my experience have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that many people (perhaps even most people?) can thrive in the single world.

Author Michael Cobb has recently written a book about the single life. His point of view is that alone doesn't always equal lonely and he goes on to talk about the way society views singles. Some of his observations include:

“…an isolation free of loneliness could ideally give…the capacity to be productive and creative…” (p. 39)

“…the American citizen is not a he or a she, but a ‘we’ [and] not ‘we the people’ but ‘we the couple’ (and a couple ideally with kids).” (p. 19) -"Single: Arguments for the Uncoupled" - Michael Cobb

Like Mr. Cobb and many others, I have unearthed a lot reasons to appreciate the uncoupled life. Some, but by no means all are:

  • Making decisions alone and taking responsibility for them makes you stronger
  • Without the distraction of constant compromise, you can accomplish a lot
  • It's easier to stay in a good mood and feel well when you have the time to take care of yourself
  • Being single makes it much easier to get an education or focus on your career
  • There is real joy in discovering things all on your own, even if you decide to share them later
  • Sleeping alone is actually lovely and really easy to get used to
  • Choosing and furnishing your home with things you love feeds the soul like compromise never could
  • Nothing beats waking up on a beautiful morning and knowing you alone will choose how the day will go
  • It's thrilling to choose life changes without having to temper them for anyone
  • You can enjoy as much or as little company as you like
  • You can enjoy as much or little noise as you like
  • Being single means never having to say you're sorry you slept as long as you wanted and didn't do a single chore on Sunday

I'll admit the above is a personal list and wouldn't appeal to everyone. It's also obvious that some things I love could be accomplished with a mate, I find more joy in doing them alone.

So Which is Best, Single or Married?

"Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" - (author unknown)


Just to be clear, I am neither for nor against marriage, although I have to say that I've enjoyed being unmarried more than married. However, this is an individual choice which others will make based on factors such as religious, cultural, and personal beliefs.

My only purpose is to make the plain statement that the single life, just like being part of a couple, is a terrific option. It can bring joy to those who are "uncoupled", either by choice or circumstance. Some people will always pine for the romantic ideal and continue to try to find the perfect relationship. Wise people, and especially wise women, will learn to enjoy the single life's changes, opportunities, and challenges.

Despite the television or movie stereotype, being or becoming single isn't just a reason to date or begin a frantic search for The Right One. It's a real chance to relax and learn to enjoy some delicious pleasures, such as quiet, freedom, and choice. Those who do may find - perhaps to their own surprise - that they no longer welcome the ups and downs of a committed relationship.

Many of the points I've made could be a revelation to women but have been well-known and loved by single men for centuries. There's a reason for the cliche of the reluctant bachelor who has to be dragged to the alter. Of course society, and American culture in particular, tends to lionize the single man and criticize the single woman.

Girls, you don't have to buy into it. Learn what the boys have known all along - it's actually fun to be single.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Claudia47 profile imageAUTHOR

      Claudia47 

      6 years ago from Boynton Beach, Florida

      @ EVernon - You are quite welcome. Enjoy the perks of freedom. If you do choose to become part of a couple one day, I think you'll be a better person for this time in your life. Good luck!

      @Erickdierker - Thanks for the perspective...You sound very evolved and happily married...still, for many, the single life is also a wonderful way to go.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      6 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hey Lady, truth be told you can just swap this around for men. Of course they are better at ignoring and denying it, but it is true.

      And of course in my marriage I follow much of your advice here. No smothering, no hovering, plenty of space, treat each other as equals (probably hard for my wife) Share it but don't push it. Seperate checking accounts, own time, own time with children, own time with friends. Hey and when we meet up a couple of times a week, its cool.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)