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Remaining true to yourself
The beginning of a relationship can be so exciting. You are getting to know one another, growing a bond with someone you really care about, what could be better? We as humans have a natural urge to be close to the thing that consumes us the most. We think about them all day, we find ourselves constantly checking our phone to see if they called or texted us. We blow off plans with friends and family to be with this person, that we ourselves are still getting to know, why is that? Our brain is hard wired to want love, we get a literal rush when we find it and we will do everything to keep it going, there is a very good reason why love is called a drug. Like an addiction we want to surround ourselves with everything we can to get our fix, we get high off the sensation that this is true love, we want to be by their side as much as possible, so we jump at the opportunity to do just that. I have been in a relationship for a while now and I am guilty of doing some of the things I am writing about today, but I learned from them and I hope you will too. As young women we are conditioned to want Prince Charming, the perfect guy who brings you flowers and chocolate, and is all about you, but what I’ve found is that we tend to forget ourselves when it comes to love and forget that we need to keep true to what makes us, us. Not only women but men as well, guys are supposed to find the perfect girl, the one who cooks, cleans, loves doing laundry, is great in bed, and your parents love her, but they forget that the “perfect girl” doesn’t actually exist. The importance of this article is about how to remain true to yourself while also thriving in a healthy relationship.
First things first, remaining true to yourself, don’t cancel plans on friends just because your significant other wants you too. I promise if it is meant to be they will understand and they should encourage you to go out and spend time with people other than themselves. You have to remember what makes you happy outside of your love interest and hold on to that, not everyone you fall so strongly for will end up being the one and if that is the case, it can save you so much heartache if you learn how to balance time spend with them and time spend without them. We become so engulfed in this temporary world of bliss that we forget that life will come back in to play, there will be fights, tears, jealousy, and anger because no healthy relationship can survive without having the ups and the downs. Men, if you and your guys have a weekly poker night, stick to that schedule! I promise she can handle being away from you for one night, if she gets mad, that is a different problem. Girls, if you and your friends have a weekly girl’s night, do not cancel on them! If he doesn’t want you going out with your friends there is a very different problem going on. Now I know every case is different, if your friend’s idea of fun is getting you black out drunk every Saturday night I can understand his hesitation, and guys if your friends idea of a good time is a strip club once a week, I get why she is mad. Just don’t forget to think about yourself while thinking of them as well, make plans together and apart so you can grow as a couple and as individual people.
Communication is Key
As I mentioned before there will be plenty of ups and downs during a healthy relationship, which brings me to my next point, communication. Communication is the most important thing to keep going between you and your significant other, if you don’t have that you are already jeopardizing your connection. Ever heard the saying “Communication is key”? Well it is! You cannot be in a healthy relationship and be afraid to step on each other’s toes, walking on eggshells will only get you unresolved problems and pent up resentment. You need to talk things out with each other when there is something that needs to be addressed. If you are afraid to speak up because you think they will get mad and leave, that isn’t a healthy relationship. You have to have confidence in yourself and your significant other that they will want to fix the problem and want you to come to them when you feel this way. I know no one likes fighting with the person they love but trust me when I say it is for the best, no I don’t mean it’s healthy to scream at each other, call each other names, throw things, or get physical. I mean it is healthy to have things you disagree about, having a difference of opinion will make things more interesting, no one wants to date a clone of themselves so speak up, don’t be afraid to disagree. There will be lots of things you have to work through to make your relationship stronger in the long run. The moment you decided it isn’t worth talking out, you have successfully put your relationship on the morphine drip and it is only a matter of time before you either explode with everything you are holding in or decide this isn’t want you want anymore.
Knowing Your Worth
Knowing your worth is a huge problem I see in relationship these days. If the person you are with constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, or guilty for no reason, RUN. That is not healthy, nor is it fair to you! You need to remember you are worth so much more than that, if someone says they love you and they proceed to put everything ahead of you, you’ve tried talking it out and nothing changes, you need to realize it might never change. Know that you are worth the sun and the stars and find someone who will try to give them to you. The right person will always listen and try for the person they love. You don’t deserve to be put down, made to feel guilty, constantly wondering if this is what you really want. I don’t care if you have invested years into this relationship, you deserve better and it’s about time you remember that. I’ve sat back and watched as people I love, get dragged through the mud by the person they love and I couldn’t do anything about it, because they had to realize for themselves that they deserve so much more than what they are getting. Years wasted with someone who wasn’t worth the time of day but they got out of it, and looking at them now, you wouldn’t never know what they went through. When someone is truly happy in a relationship you can tell, it radiates through them, you can see it in their eyes when they smile, you can hear it when you talk to them. That is what you deserve, don’t ever let yourself settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you, find someone who talks to you with kindness and compassion, someone who will invest as much in you, as you invest in them.
Relationships aren’t easy, by any means but they are worth it when they are done right and are healthy. Healthy being the operative term of that sentence. It is hard these day’s to remember that we won’t always get that instant gratification, love isn’t something that happens and stays that way forever, you have to work at it every day and it isn’t easy. Remind yourself to not get so caught up in the feeling of love and to keep your expectations where they were to begin with, I see so many people settling for so much less than that which they deserve, once they put in a certain amount of time they feel obliged to see it through. Don’t be one of those people putting yourself through unnecessary heartbreak and let downs when you know you aren’t happy anymore. Everyone deserves to be loved and honestly these points should be the standard for every relationship in your life, not just the romantic ones. With friends, don’t let them constantly put you down, if they do that’s not a true friend. With family keep that communication open because once it’s gone it can be really harmful. Know your worth and keep true to yourself, happiness with find you even if you have to close some doors along the way, don’t worry, you can always climb through a window.