- Gender and Relationships
OK...I Get It—You're Not My Boyfriend! -Stephanie Bailey
You're a single gal now, and a member of a club called dating. When you finally meet a guy that you are attracted to, and can talk to, why does it have to become so complicated?
When you are dating, one of the most frustrating things is when a guy assumes that you are trying to put him in the boyfriend category, and he starts backing away—fast. Sorry, but when was that memo sent out and why didn't you also get a copy?
A man’s ego can be his deadliest weapon. If you give a compliment he gets uncomfortable thinking that you are getting too attached. You call him “sweetie" (something you call everyone) and you have soo crossed the lines of "just dating." You get excited about great things going on in his life or support his career decisions/dreams, and all of a sudden you want marriage and kids. You have sex with him for the first time, and all of a sudden he thinks that you will assume that he's your boyfriend. Seriously?!
The problem is when men assume that you are on the boyfriend track without asking, or think that you are lying—even though you have devulged that you aren't looking for anything serious—they end up putting a damper on the dating process.
Sometimes a guy works so hard to make it clear he is not trying to go down the relationship trail, he misses the opportunity to get to know you. Is it really that stressful to just stay in the moment, hang out and get to know each other? Unless you have directly had the conversation with him that you are looking/wanting to be in a serious committed relationship with him, how dare he assume, freak out and pull away. Just because you are happy spending time with him does not always mean you want a serious relationship.
One of my girlfriends recently went through the "I get it already, you’re not my boyfriend" situation. She was hanging out with a guy for several weeks who seemed to like spending time with her. He would text, call, plan dates and their sexual chemistry was off the charts (or so my girlfriend thought—chemistry like she described is usually felt by both people). So, what happened? He stopped contacting her. When she ending up bumping into him at a random event, he explained that he liked her, really liked her, but he wasn't looking to be her boyfriend.
Boyfriend?! This was shocking news to her since she never stated that she was in search of a boyfriend, or that he made the cut for that position in her life. Not only had she not been dating him that long—she was also dating other men.
Ladies, just because you want to get to know someone that you might potentially sleep with doesn't mean you want to have a lifelong commitment. And if you do sleep together—sex does not necessarily equal a relationship, especially if you have not had the "talk."
When a guy spends more time making it clear that he is unavailable for a relationship verses having fun in the moment, it takes the enjoyment and excitement out of dating. Dating should be fun and easy, especially in the beginning. Bottom line, when a man starts to board the freak out assumption train—letting his ego make his decisions, he’s not worth wasting your time and energy on. If this is happening with a man you are dating, it may be time to disembark and find a less complicated ride.