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Online Dating: When Not to Meet

Updated on January 28, 2011

Online dating is popular, popular, popular and you’ve probably got loads of friends who’ve tried it; possibly even some who’ve been rather successful with it. Generally speaking, most of the big dating sites are relatively safe, but this doesn’t mean you ought to run out and meet the first guy who suggests it. Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting you email or IM each other for several months first – this isn’t about that. This is more about using your female intuition as well as paying attention to common sense rules. The following tips will help you determine when you’re really ready to meet someone in person.

He won’t tell you his name.

It’s fine if a man doesn’t want to give out his name during the first few emails. But if he’s inviting you to dinner or even just for a drink, you have a right to know who the hell you’re going out with. If he’s being weird about it, he’s also going to be weird about other things. Don’t date this guy until he tells you who he is.

He wants to meet from day one.

If a guy asks to meet you in person after your first email exchange, this is a sign that something is off. Granted, it could be that he’s simply a very compulsive person – or it could be that he’s just a very pushy person – but either way, do you really want to date this kind of guy? Normal people do not ask someone out after something as small as sending a wink to a complete stranger.

He doesn’t answer your questions.

If he’s writing you emails every day but avoiding answering any direct questions, something is very wrong; especially if your questions involve his marital status. A man who writes lots and lots but never really says anything significant is probably hiding something (like a wife and 10 kids).

He wants to meet you at your place.

Never, never bring a man you’ve only met online to your home. Seriously; this ought to be online dating safety 101. Meet him in a public place where you’ll be able to scream your head off if he tries anything skeevy – do not bring him back to your home until you’ve seen him enough in person to feel comfortable doing so.

You have even the slightest gut feeling telling you not to.

That inner voice of yours? It’s usually right. If you need proof, take a minute and sort back through all those losers you dated against your better judgment. See? Your gut works. Let it do its job; don’t agree to meet anyone who gives you a bad feeling, even if it’s a tiny little nagging in the back of your mind – those are always the worst kind.


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