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Online Dating Tips for Women - Choosing Additional Photos

Updated on August 20, 2011

Ok, now that we’ve got your super fantastic portrait taken care of, let’s get on to the other photos.

We need to include a full body shot here. Clothed, of course! But something he can see your figure in. Yes, I'm serious. Physical attraction matters. Especially when it comes to online dating, because that’s all you have to go by in the beginning. It’s as close as you can get to experiencing chemistry and sexual attraction.

Yes, wit, intelligence, yada, yada are important and you can get a feel for that via email. But let’s not pretend we’re going to pursue Quasimodo just because he's got a good sense of humor. If you’re only in the market for a good giggle, stay in and rent a comedy.

As an aside - I'm not defining beauty here. I'm simply saying we all have certain features we find attractive. And we all have subconscious rules we follow when selecting a mate. For example, I think Tom Cruise is pretty hot, if you can get past that whole "lost his mind" thing. But he's too short, and that's a deal breaker for me.

I know, I know. You think I’m vain and shallow. Maybe you’re right, but, hey, I know who I am and what I need - and I know why. I also believe in chemistry, and if it ain’t there, it ain’t Mr. Right. That said, I’ve dated my share of men who were ‘not my type’, but I fell for them over prolonged periods of time which involved daily interactions. I had time to get to know them before I (most unexpectedly) fell for them.

Unfortunately, that kind of exposure is a luxury you don’t have when it comes to deciding whether or not you’re interested in someone you’ve met online.

Ok, so back to my point about a full body shot. I mentioned types before, and that’s because lots of people (myself included) have one. If he likes big boned, voluptuous women and you’re a petite flower … well, it’s only fair he know that upfront. Maybe he’ll make an exception for your effervescent charm – but if he doesn’t want to, that’s his right.

And don’t go getting upset over that kind of thing either. There are plenty of men out there who *do* like your type, and it just plain makes sense to start reeling them in from the get go. Why? Well, cos you’re gonna feel like crap if you start falling for some guy and then find out he can’t get into you cos you’re busty and he likes the Keira Knightley look.

So what kind of full body shot am I suggesting?

Nothing traumatic! I’m not saying you have to show every curve, just have something that gives him an idea of where you fit on the scale between Lollipop Lady and Sea World. Yeah, I know that didn’t sound very PC, but that’s the easiest way to illustrate my point. Both parties deserve to know this kind of thing upfront and I have no patience for those who holler “but he should like me for me!”

Hey, I'm no Lollipop Lady. I've got plenty of curves and I love them dearly. But I also accept the fact that some men go for the prepubescent boy look. And that's not me. Nor will it ever be. And I surely don't want a man who prefers another body type over my own. Which means I don't really mind when someone passes me over because I have a J. Lo bottom. Let him pass! No sense in crying over it!

Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we all want (and have the right) to be with someone we’re attracted to. It comes in quite handy for things like kissing and making babies. I like all kinds of people. A lot. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to fall into bed with them. And, at the end of the day, that's what you’re looking for. That’s what we’re all looking for. Someone we find intelligent, compassionate, etc - and sexy.

Your third pic can be anything you want, I recommend a shot of you having fun with friends. Female friends, cos you don’t want to make him think you’re a busy little bee hoping from flower to flower, if you know what I’m saying. Just keep it simple. It could even be a snapshot of you and your sister. The point here is to show him other people like you. We don’t want him thinking you're one of those wacky chicks who spends all her time with her twelve cats.

Well, that’s enough for right now. I don’t know about you, but I’ve given myself a headache! So I’ll just give you my final tips in no-nonsense list:

  • 1. Do use RECENT pics. Nothing from your prom days when your buns were made of steel. And if your buns are still made of steel, I hate you.
  • 2. Do let him see you as you are. If you wear glasses 24/7, most of your pics should reflect this.
  • 3. Do include at least one casual and one dressier pic. It doesn’t have to involve a tiara, but let’s at least show him you own something that didn’t come from an Army Navy surplus store.
  • 4. Do use photos your face can be seen in – otherwise, what is the point?
  • 5. Do take the background into consideration. If your pic is inside your home, make sure the surrounding area looks tidy. I’m sure Mr. Right believes in sharing the cleaning duties, but that doesn’t mean he wants to marry into a home with a tornado motif.
  • 6. Don’t use any photos that obstruct your face. In other words, no hats, sunglasses, blindfolds, gas masks, etc.
  • 7. Don’t use photos of you with another man. Please tell me I don't need to explain this one!
  • 8. Don’t use pics that show you with children. He's likely to think one of two things: One, they’re yours, even if they’re not. Two, you’re desperate to have some of your own. And desperate is never sexy.
  • 9. Don’t use any pics that show your home exterior and could give any creepies an idea of where to find you. Don’t laugh, I’m very serious.
  • 10. Don’t use pics from your work, unless you have a generic job and the company name isn’t shown. Same reason as above. Remember, for every few good men out there, a creepy lurks in the shadow. And unless you’re good friends with Spiderman, you don’t need to be inviting creepies into your life.

Ok, that’ll do’er for today ladies. Go get your piccies together, and start preparing for the next step – filing out your personal information. What? Sounds simple and straightforward? Only a fool would need tips on filling in the blanks? O contraire! Hang around, you’ll see!

xx Isabella


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