ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Our Very .....very Best Friends

Updated on April 7, 2020

We have been through a whole heap together ....

When looking back to the days of my childhood it seems my best friend and I were never apart . We struggle even today after over 40 years to pin point exactly how we met or exactly how old we were .We never really shared classes , we did however share the same schools in a very small town . Our graduating class was 300 or so students , our prom was at our High School . Small towns are nice , everyone knows you , you know everyone else , it's nice cozy any news travels fast and in the right circles .

I remember running home to talk on the phone ( before cordless and cell phones ) so I stood in my kitchen or sat on the counter , talking about both nothing and everything , no one and everyone , just talked .

Most of my memories involve her , we fought over boys , defended each other from anything or anyone . We argued didn't talk for years or was it only a year . Neither of us can recall why , not from lack of memory but because it must not have been that important anyway .

I had to move away during High School , when I was gone she had to move away too . I came back to my home town to graduate , she hadn't moved back home yet . We lost touch for 2 or 3 years .

I moved away again this time out of state , we lost touch she was going through many painful life altering events during that time , that we only now are sorting out , again over the phone because now we live states apart .....again . She would never have children it was a medical emergency I wasn't there for , it altered who she was , it made her both resentful of women who could and sad for not being able to have her own this was in her teens , she dealt with menopause from her teens . She lost her father suddenly as well .

I was her Maid of Honor at her first wedding , had I known she wanted to bolt from the church because she really didn't want to marry , I would have made that happen we would have been a blur . Come to find out ( years later ) her Uncle Charlie who had walked her down the isle tightened his grip so she wouldn't run back . We compared husbands , problems , pets , weather , affairs , happiness levels , tough times ,dreams , plans , divorces etc .....

When I was going through my divorce , pregnant with my little girl , she was my coach , she didn't want me alone . She joked and said she was sort of glad she couldn't go through childbirth as it looked realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly painful , but I knew she wanted a baby . She ran down to get me dinner after my daughter was born and laughed when I fell asleep without touching it . My daughter shares her middle name and is her God Mother too .

We lost touch again when we moved apart , she came to visit but it just isn't the same with so many around . We cried when she left for Missouri , I stayed in California . It was a quick move to help her father in law with medical issues . Yet again the distance spaced us we wrote , called occasionally but lost touch ,

A simple call from her brought us together yet again , her from MO me from CA , her mother had passed suddenly of breast cancer , again we picked up and sorted through lifes traumas , if only to just listen as she sorted through what lied ahead . We parted again vowing to keep better touch , try as we might its lifes harrowing events that bring us together . She was the first one I called when my daugthers father passed away suddenly , ironically my daughter made two calls one to her best friend , one to mine .

We are now 2 hours difference , she is ahead of me , 3 hours in the winter . My best friend called the other day , I was so glad to hear her voice I didn't really realize she was crying . She apologized for calling so late ( it wasn't late on my end ) . I assured her it was never too late for her and besides her time is later . My thoughts ran quickly , had she lost a pet , husband , relative or friend or a bad diagnosis maybe or was it her health . I took a stab at humor , asked her if she was crying over the time , she laughed through tears . The scene from Steele Magnolias came to mind .

She confided she had taken pills , many pills and that she couldn't live in pain anymore , she felt trapped , it felt dark , she really didn't want to live anymore and didn't want to be here at all . She wanted to join her Mother and be free of the pain , she missed her ... Her babies ( animals) would be alright her husband would care for them . No one loved her , no one needed or .....they wouldn't miss her in fact they would all be happier she was gone . She confided she was drinking too .

I luckily was not alone my partner was home with me , I wrote information down for her , she began researching suicide numbers just in case she wanted to reach out .

She admitted previous suicide attempts , she feared being taken away , feared being locked up , feared never being able to leave the hospital . That fear stood in the way of her calling any numbers for help . Actually I wasn't a big fan of anyone taking her to a hospital , I lived to far away to visit her . I was divided in my thoughts clearly divided .

I really listened to her that night , I had known about the other attempts and had been trying to come to terms with one being successful . I wanted her know how much she means to me before I won't be able to share it with her , wanted to remind her of how many love and care about her and of course re itterated those we hate . She lives outside of internet service so many of her family and friends forget to call or write to her after all most of us are online now . Most of all I listened to years of pain , I didn't offer solutions , just listened . We talked most of the night I finally had to let her go , she was slurring her speech and falling asleep . I made her promise to call me tomorrown , finally we decided she may not remember so I would call her . We said our good byes , we told each other how much we cared . I told her it wasn't fair to leave me here .

Exhausted , not sleeping very well , listening for the phone , hoping someone would take her into the hospital if needed . I sort of slept .I waited until afternoon , later her time , to call her . Still clearly divided but really hoping she did not succeed in ending her life that night . Feeling guilty for not calling to have her arrested or ambulanced . But I knew deep down inside , she wouldn't call if I were in her shoes , she would let me go because she wouldnt want to see me suffer living .

Her husband answered ( my pulse increased ) crazy thoughts raced through my mind , surely he wouldn't be home if she were in the hospital but then ......I heard her in the back ground , she had been waiting on my call all day long apparently she hadn't slept so much either , We talked about what she should do , how she felt , while I surfed the reprocutions of that many pain pills , began freaking out because some of the fatal results happen within 24 to 72 hours , followed by death . Again I felt divided we ended with if she felt worse she would go in . I doubted she would . So promised to call daily at least to myself , that way I was assured she was doing okay .

I promised myself I would send her support information with hot lines etc she could reach out if needed . We talked on the third night about nothing and everything we filled each other in on all the information we both didn't know about the other , but most of all we laughed and laughed about our shared memories things that were not so funny then were really hilarious now , we laughed from 9 pm to 5 am and that is just how it was was fun good times we felt like we were back in time, just children again ........

I then decided to get in touch with everyone online she knew , asked them to call her or write her reminded them she wasn't online and felt left out . Most called , one didn't but many did , she caught on to my plan early on but she loved hearing from everyone and actually I helped her research those she had lost contact with . Most still call her , she calls most , we aren't discussing her dying much now , its still there lurking we know its still in the background . She is my best friend after all , she sounds better from here .

I will probably send the support numbers but most of all I told her she could call me 24 hours , the support number cautioned me I dont need that pressure call the police . I swear her Mothers voice cautioned me to give her time ....she was watching over her .....

So one day at a time .....this is what she has she feels good .

I still feel divided is quality of life suffering , can you see clearly through depression to know your suffering , could I live with the results after all she wouldn't be remembering , I would .


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)