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Overcome Jealousy in Relationships

Updated on April 4, 2011


If jealousy becomes out of hand


Have you or know someone that has experienced jealousy in a relationship? Jealousy can be natural in small amounts. However, if you are experiencing too much jealousy, it can not only be bad for the health of the relationship, but to your happiness as well. If jealousy becomes out of hand, before following any advice, you should consult someone that is experienced in helping couples.

Jealousy often consists of...

A person can feel jealous and not understand what it is. They just understand they can feel it. It is sometimes overwhelming. According to Wikipedia “Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.

Jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months and older. Some claim that jealousy is seen in every culture; however, others claim jealousy is a culture-specific phenomenon.”


The Green Eyed Monster and Jealousy

the green eyed monster and jealousy

Jealousy is also known as “the green eyed monster.”

Jealousy in small amounts is natural. However, it can also become harmful. Jealousy can eat up relationships, and torture the person that may be feeling it. I am going to give you some helpful advice and information about jealousy that can help you slow it down a notch, if you are a jealous person.

Sometimes jealousy is called for, but those instances are rare. Most of the time, a jealous person is over reacting. In some instances, they are not. Whatever the case may be, I will list some of the ways to get over jealousy, so it doesn’t destroy you.

focus and get over jealousy

Find fun things to do. Maybe you are a little too focused, and every little thing he/she does is getting to you. Get hobbies to do on your own, it’s ok. Finding ways to enjoy your-self is one of the best ways to get over jealousy.

If your case is co-dependency:

Taking small breaks will help you realize that you can still survive without each other. Sometimes a couple can get into a very co-dependent relationship by accident. Maybe you got too use to having each other around. If you think you can handle it, tell your mate to find something to do, and get used to it. You need to find something to do, and get used to it too. Slowly, with time, you can get over jealousy in a co-dependent relationship like this. It may be tough, but you can do it.

good qualities

Look for the good qualities in your mate. Sometimes, a person is so used to being negative, they forget about the good things. Go ahead, and think about it. What does he/she do that is good?

most jealous people spy

Do not read text messages, or go through your mates computer. Sometimes a jealous person can take little things to the extreme. Everyone has a right to privacy. Learn to trust, and steer clear of these things.

notice where the jealousy is coming from

Get a journal. Write in your journal what made you feel the way you did and when. Was there a pattern? This is an interesting fact: More women are jealous with their male mate when they are near their period (hormonal reasons). More men are jealous when a woman mate is ovulating. If you see a pattern over a couple of months, chances are, the reasons have been previously listed. If there is not a pattern, then look at your entries when you have rationalized a little. Sometimes, a jealous person will see the reason for being jealous was not called for.

talk about your jealousy with someone close

If you have someone that is close to you, that you can trust, tell them about your jealousy. Sometimes, it will take another person to tell you if you are being irrational, or not. Tell this person that you need an HONEST opinion. If your friend agrees that you are being irrational, then take the steps listed to help you. If your friend feels that you are not being irrational, then it is time for a talk.


There is usually one person in the relationship more jealous than the other


I used to help people online, and I have noticed that couples seem to go through a stage when one person is a jealous person, and the other is not. I have also noticed that most of the time, jealousy makes them angry and bitter.

The person that is jealous is afraid they are going to lose something of value to them. If you are a jealous person, ask yourself a question. Is the other party in the relationship as jealous as you are? Chances are, they are not.

That being said, you should understand that you are valuing the other person in the relationship more than you value yourself. If you simply stop being jealous, you can make your value equal to the person that you are in the relationship with.

If you show the other party in the relationship that he/she is more valuable than you, by being jealous, then you can actually convince them this is true. What happens next is you can actually break apart your own relationship.

Jealousy can destroy relationships

Sit your mate down, and explain to them why you have been feeling the way you are. Sometimes a long, calm talk can help a person. If your talk does not help, and you feel you cannot stop being jealous, then speak to a counselor. Jealousy in small amounts is normal, but it should never be overwhelming.

Jealousy can destroy relationships, and destroy friendships. You never want jealousy to get in the way of your life. Relationships are meant to be fun, and sweet. Relationships should not have an un-healthy amount of jealousy. Take the steps necessary to help you, and help your loved one become happy and whole again.

Remember, a relationship is supposed to be healthy. All relationships go through ups and downs. You can get over this, and grow stronger, with work, patience and time.


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    • sarclair profile image

      sarclair 5 years ago

      You have a reason to feel the way you do, if he cheated :(

      I would suggest that you make sure you are correct, and then leave, or leave now anyway, because no one has a reason to feel like this :(

      This is sad. Trust and love yourself . I am sorry :(

    • sarclair profile image

      sarclair 5 years ago

      This is horrible for you, and you seem to have a valid reason. You should not put up with it :(

    • profile image

      Khaing mon 5 years ago

      my bf has another girl friend.I saw some text messages on his phone from a girl. Then I saw some email love letter with her. I know he used talk phone with her so long time for about 1 hour .But he does not know that I know his girl friend.I feel jealousy and become hate him. then Our relation starts to ruin, nearly damaged, crush, ,, It is so hurt and tired for me. After reading this article, I now understand what we have been happening..Thanks

    • profile image

      CJ 5 years ago

      I became jealous when I got married. I was never jealous before I married my ex-husband of 20 years now. He cheated, was an alcholic and drug addict. I was naive to all these things. I grew up in a very calm family never heard my parents argue to this day and they have been together 54 years. My ex-husband abandoned me and our three children. Twenty years later I have tried a realationship with someone I tried to date 17 years ago but he was too immature and alcholic. He finally went to rehab and I was told he was sober. Lie. He is also having cyber sex and sex texting all his connections from computer. I am very jealous when I see him looking at anyone. Put him out today. I have stayed clear of relationships because of jealousy. I dont ever date. I tried with this person again but havent in 17 years with anyone else. I believe my ex-husband abandoning us, cheating on me, .... is the root. What do I do?

    • sarclair profile image

      sarclair 6 years ago

      You are right. Most men are visual creatures, and women are communicators.

      It is very important to learn to deal with jealousy, so it does not get out of hand. Being jealous can be bad for a relationship. If you keep that in mind, you should be able to curb it a little bit.

    • Lissa2677 profile image

      Lissa2677 6 years ago

      I am a very jealous person. It is something I have battled in every relationship. My parents are jealous and possessive people so I think it is something that I learned as an endearing show of emotion but usually backfires on me and makes me look like a psycho. Oh yeah that word we all girls love to hear? But the way men and women pursue their partners is different. Most not all men respond to visual things such as women in short skirts or a lot of cleavage. Wear most not all women respond to emotional things. If women get jealous we are usually questioned about our self esteem but I look at it as illuminating the competition.

    • sarclair profile image

      sarclair 6 years ago

      lol...I hope you are not jealous LoraKay. If you are, hope the hub helps you. Thank you for the comment.

    • LoraKayAlexander profile image

      LoraKayAlexander 6 years ago

      I'm jealous!!! :-)

    • sarclair profile image

      sarclair 6 years ago

      It does take time, and growth for someone to get over jealousy. It is something that happens naturally in all of us. Studies pointed to five month old babies showing jealousy. Even animals show jealousy.However,too much jealousy is not a good thing.

    • smartnet profile image

      smartnet 6 years ago

      Julissa can come from within one's self, people just have to grow up and get over it. Nice Hub