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Updated on November 25, 2016

Personal Joy

The word could have been ‘happiness’ but I choose ‘Joy’, because often, happiness depends on happenings around us. However, Joy is an infinite state of being. Boundless and transcend over happenings in life. It originates inside us, not outside, so searching for it outside of yourself is an exercise in futility. As it is in life, so is it in a relationship.

In a relationship, your joy is your personal responsibility. People erroneously think their being joyful is the prerogative of their partner. Not at all, if you earnestly what to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship.

Drop the idea that it's somebody’s responsibility to give you joy and make you happy. Yes, someone can make you happy, but it is a fleeting state, because that same person can make you unhappy tomorrow. Expecting somebody else to determine the state of your feeling leads to emotional dependency in relationships.

For you to achieve personal joy in a relationship, you have to be self-fulfilled, you are not in that relationship to gain self-fulfilment. When you think it’s your partner’s responsibility to give you joy, it means you are not joyful enough on your own. The job of your partner is not to fill up the emptiness in your life, rather to complement what you bring into the relationship.

Bear it in mind, no one can give you a feeling or state of being you don’t have or cannot access on your own. Putting the responsibility of being joyful into someone’s hand is leaving yourself wide open for disappointment. No one knows you better than yourself, no one can fulfil you better than yourself, that is, if you believe in yourself.

Joyfulness is a choice, you choose to be happy or not to be, it is not dependant on somebody’s else action. Though we always have that conviction that what people around us does impinges on our state of joyfulness, but it is only if you allow it. Know that love, joy, and wholesomeness reside inside of you, and you can always draw out of it like a spring. When you’re joyful, people rejoice with you, it is never the other way round, no one rejoices with you to make you happy, remember, when you smile, the world smiles with you, it means you have to generate that feeling-state of being to attract same in others.

In fact, when you let go of trying to get your joy from others, you will feel happier in your relationship, and your partner will be naturally inspired to keep your joy flowing.

It is not convenient, to you or to your partner, and to the health of your relationship, to expect your partner to constantly be refilling your joy tank. That will be putting so much responsibility on the person, the weight will strain the relationships, enough to push the person away. Invariably, it can also bring about a dependence that can lead to manipulation.

Finding personal Joy

Two Steps to finding personal joy in a relationship.

Be responsible.

Be responsible to yourself and for yourself, be aware of what gives you joy and ‘strive’ for it. Strive, in the sense that nothing good comes without effort or contention. In life and in relationship, there will always be something fighting to suppress your joy or steal your happiness, but it will only succeed if you allow it.

Being responsible put the rein of your life, your joy and your happiness into your hand and nobody else. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. You are your source of JOY first and foremost.

Being responsible means also that you have to take charge of all that pertains to you in a relationship, leaving it in the hand of your partner is gross irresponsibility.

Know yourself.

The only way you can be self-responsible is to know yourself. To know yourself is to have a clear perception of who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, your thought patters, beliefs, motivation, feelings, what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy. The Knowledge of self, will shape your attitudes and behaviour as well as give you a clear understanding of your role to yourself and to your partner in a relationship

Knowledge of self helps you master your life. It also allows you take control of your attention, your emotions, reactions, personality and behaviour. It helps you to refocus, and make changes in the direction of your life, your personal joy.

If you’re feeling insecure, unhappy or unfulfilled in your relationship, then you lack joy. find what you can do to give yourself joy, to free yourself from the grip of despondency.

To find joy, connect with your inner-self first and every other thing about your life and relationship will evolve to give you happiness. When you let go of clinging and grasping, of depending on someone/something outside of yourself for your joy, then you will experience joyful bliss in your life and relationship.


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