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Practical Therapy: Knowing and Understanding Relationships Vol. 4

Updated on May 27, 2010

The War Within. The... Booty??? Without

As we were discussing in our last segment, achieving balance in a relationship, of any kind, has a LOT to do with achieving balance within oneself. It can be extremely taxing for someone outside of your aura to truly be putting forth the effort to get to know you, and find themselves constantly running into roadblock after roadblock.

Relationship interest are funny. As we also discussed, the human being is a relentless being, indeed!

That would bring us to our next segment.

Part I: Mental Preparation, continued: Emotional dueling

In this case, the old adage applies, "Old habits die hard!". The more we are around someone, the more you learn and maybe want to learn about that person. In fact, it is or should be expected. It is not unfortunate, and I would never use a shame, that sharing in something that requires more than one, because it's heartbreaking to be falling or have already fallen in love with someone-maybe only have developed strong feelings for the person-and continue to watch them break their backs trying to be someone they're not,

We are all guilty of this, from time to time, I believe.

This person has gotten so close to you that he or she has seen you for who you really are, and...

would you believe it...


There's just one problem.

Because you haven't asked the important questions of yourself, you still don't know who "YOU" are. We tend to not realize that the game is up and your mask has been cast aside. We still believe that the person, who lavishes so much time, attention and affection on us, is doing so to the benefit of the character that we become. And here's a shocker. We continue to do these things for no legitimate reason, aside from the fact that we remain blind to the fact that we're no longer in costume-at least not with this person-and to this person we are all, but naked.

Now, to be fair. Let's look at it from the pursuers perspective. This won't take long.

You've noticed this man or woman. You see this person often or not so often. He or she seems confident or maybe shy. Whatever the case may be, at some point, you decide that you're interested enough to want to get to know that person better.

So? You take a chance and approach the person. Good fortune smiles your way, and you're not rejected-or not in any way apparent, at this time.(And, I would place emphasis on "at this time"!)

You spend time with this person, more than once. In the beginning, you go through the expected awkwardness of getting to know someone, but after a short or not so short period of time-pending on your level of patience, and the level of patience required-it appears that you've both gained some comfort ability-if not a small level of trust-with each other.

You've shared intimate things about yourself, and after some time, you've gotten the person to open up a bit.

You know what? You like this person. You really like this person and want to learn more.

Now, you've spent countless dinners and leisure hours getting to know this person, on a personal level. Yet, as time goes on you really don't know anything about this person. There's more to this person, than meets the eye, but it doesn't seem to want to present itself. You decide to be patient, and not force things.

More time passes by and your patience is wearing thin, until, finally you confront the person. You ask them, "Why won't you let me in?" or "Why are you trying to be someone you're not?". This to be followed by you telling the person the reasons why you feel the way that you do about them.

Unfortunately, instead of the desired response or effect, the person becomes even more defensive and perhaps argumentative, to the point that you are repelled.

Even loving patience tends to have its limits.

No one wants to build a relationship on a foundation of lies and deceptions. It's easier to move on, in some cases.

Let us end this segment, in the pondering of this example. As the pursuer, we would hope for a happier outcome. As the pursued, we would want ourselves to look love in the eyes and not ever let it turn away from us.

In the next segment of this Practical Therapy series, "Mental Preparation, continued: Finding harmony", we will be leading into the discovery of an enlightened place, all persons strive for in relationships-harmony.

Until next time, well met and be well.


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    • Juelstephen profile image

      Juelstephen 7 years ago from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA

      Thank you for your unique, refreshing and always appreciated perspective, Nellieanna.

      I believe that the premise is the same in the arena of the day, as it was say a thousand years ago. Certainly, the scenery has changed considerably, but people have remained constant throughout. I mean love was an endearing emotion then, as it remains to be now. Our paths may have been different, but always remains the possibility that they may cross and maybe intertwine.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      Yes, that can be as it unfolds. I must admit, however, it's been so long ago that I played games myself or accepted them from others with whom I wanted to be closer, it seems far-off now. I'll bet it is a real problem in today's more usual arena, though.

      Sometimes it's probably not deliberate, not an effort to close others out or pretend to be what the person isn't. Real timidity is a reality. I was quite timid for many years. There can be unseen conditions and delicate balances which the person knows to be or fears to be at severe risk if he/she reached out. Just a few thoughts.

      But obviously - if someone is not approachable for any reason, it limits how deep a connection is possible. I'll look forward to reading the next segment.

      Have had granddaughter and her two teenagers visiting from Indiana for the past week and got 'way behind reading or writing hubs or comments!

      You have a most genuine and caring approach here. Very well presented!