How to Pray After A Spouse Cheats on You
Divorce in America
It has been reported that over 50% of Americans are divorced. That's a lot of people with broken hearts. How do you recover after infidelity? How do you trust anyone after being cheated on and lied to?
What A Broken Heart Looks Like
Trust and Relationships
For me the hardest thing to accept was that he lied. He broke my trust. I thought one thing and he thought another. The communication in the relationship was not there. I had to seek professional help - with or without him. It really does come down to detaching from the situation. I had to get help. My mind was fried. I couldn't make one good decision. I was too close.
Getting help from a Pastor, a Mentor, or a qualified Christian Counselor is imperative. I needed someone neutral to talk to. And I needed the space to vent my feelings and an objective viewpoint to see if I was the crazy one. And I wanted to know how to rebuild my life - with or without him.
Have you ever been cheated on?
Establishing Healthy Relationship Boundaries
One of the things I had to learn was how to construct healthy boundaries in my life. Imagine yourself as a house. And you have a yard with a fence all around your property. It keeps the stray dogs out. And the stray people. Your house has a door and you get to decide who to allow in and who not to. You also have a gate in your fence. That way you can let the good in and let the bad out. There are times that I let people in my yard and in my house that I should not have. I needed a door to kick them out of. I needed a gate in my fence to let them out.I had to decide for myself what I would allow in and what I would not allow on my property and in my house.
What about you?
What are your boundaries?
What will you allow and what will you not allow?
The choice is yours - it's your life.
Are you ready to make some boundaries?
Check out this book on BOUNDARIES - it helped me learn what a boundary was and how to make one.
Restoring Yourself After a Cheating Spouse
After an affair, it is natural to have feelings of inadequacy, or feeling not good enough. This is a lie. You are good enough. God made you good. You did not cheat - he did. Yes, You were the victim, but that doesn't mean it has to stay this way.
1. Give yourself permission to feel.
Talk, shout, pray to God - tell Him how you feel too.Write about it. Talk to the counselor about it. Just get it out. Burying your feelings now might make you sick later. Bring them into the light.
2. Give yourself permission to take a break to evaluate the relationship.
You don't need all the answers today. Trust that God will continue to show you what to do next.
3. Seek professional help.
I did not know what a normal relationship was. I knew how to be the victim. I did not know how to stand up for myself. I had to learn. I had to learn what boundaries are and how to enforce them.
You have choices too. You don't have to pretend it didn't happen. God made you His Princess - forever. Admit that you may have 'cast your pearls before swine ' and trusted someone you probably shouldn't have.
5. Come up with an action plan
Have one plan together and one separate. What is acceptable and what is not in a relationship? What is the consequence if one or both of you don't follow the plan?
6. Do something nice for yourself - by yourself.
It is good to have time to be alone. It's ok to cry. You will get through this.
7. Be ready to enforce whatever you decide.
Truthfully, he may or may not change. That is his choice. Own your choices. If he continues to cheat are you ok with that? Don't lie to yourself.
God is Your Husband
“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth. (Isaiah 54:-4-5 NKJV)
Infographic on Divorce in America
Prayers for Healing a Broken Heart
You know I am a mess. You know that I gave myself to someone who did not remain faithful. Betrayed by the one that I thought loved me. I don't understand. I am so broken. I can't believe this is happening to me. I thought we would be together forever. I thought he would be faithful. He promised me. But he lied. What do I do now?
Lord, I need You to lead me. You promised you would guide me, even through the valley of death. The relationship I thought I had was a lie. I don't know where to go. I don't know who I am anymore. Lord, you told me you would never leave me nor forsake me. You told me You would be faithful to me, more faithful than a brother. I need you now.
There needs to be a consequence for his unfaithfulness. Help me Lord to know what that should be. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I wanted the truth. And even though it hurts, I am glad that You brought this darkness into the light. I would rather know - than not know.
Lead me Lord. Help me know what Your plan is for me. If he repents, let me forgive him. I don't know how Lord, but I trust You to help me. But if he doesn't, then let me respect his choice to wander and move on, whatever that may mean. Deserters used to be killed in the Armed Service. I won't kill him Lord, even though I want to. But I am trusting You to take care of this. You said vengeance is Yours and You would repay. I trust You alone Lord. I don't want to be alone. You are my husband now, in Jesus Name.
You Are a Princess
- Warning Signs of an Affair - Focus on the Family
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.
- A Handful of Sand | Prayers and Promises
His cover is totally blown All his secrets are known With hang up calls Ringing their home phone All she has is a handful of sand Falling through her fingers The tighter she grips The more she loses Just a handful of sand
© 2014 Diana Rasmussen