- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
5 Problems With Long Distance Relationships
Long distance dating is manageable if you've got the right mentality for it, but it can still have its ups and downs, regardless of how strong you and your partner may be. I have been in several long distance relationships, my first being at 19 years of age when I moved halfway across the country. This proved to be rather a foolish arrangement and it ended quickly enough; so foolish, in fact, that it would be another decade before I'd get involved in another one. But get involved, I did. That one didn't work either, so I tried it again. And again. And again. And I have just recently seen the end of what I have decided will be the last long distance relationship I will involve myself with. I'm simply not the type who can deal with the issues that arise during long distance relationships. Read on to see what those issues are, and how surmountable you yourself find them to be.
It's so easy to lie.
Whether or not your partner actually is lying is irrelevant. The simple truth of the matter is that you will have to take them at their word every step of the way -- or go mad wondering why they're constantly breaking promises and failing to communicate the why of it. Naturally, this doesn't mean that your partner is lying, but if they're flaky by nature, repeated behaviors can lead to suspicion, which can take its toll on trust. Which brings us to the next point.
Trust is only as strong as you imagine it to be.
Trust is easy enough in the beginning, but over time innocent (and perhaps not so innocent) mistakes on the part of your man, or woman, can really affect your resolve to keep doubts at bay. For example, if your man promises to call you at a certain time on a certain day, but doesn't actually contact you for another three, this is bound to affect you twofold: First, you'll be worried that something happened to him. Second, when you later learn that he's perfectly ok and simply decided to go out to dinner with a mate instead, and then somehow forgot to contact you for whatever reason until the following week... well, you can see how that might inspire a lack of trust. Sadly, it's impossible to know whether or not the mistake was innocent, which will add yet another strain to an already difficult situation.
Pent up energies.
Yes, that kind. While there are many ways around the misery of not being able to expression one's affection physically, some people simply aren't comfortable with attempting this over the phone, in cyberspace, or by video chat. If you are comfy with it, more power to you -- but if it's too "out there" for you, this can take its toll as well, whether you're male or female. That, and it could make one of you worry that the other is seeking consolation elsewhere to get them by. And, sadly, sometimes they are.
Taking things to the next level can be difficult.
If you see each other every day, sleep over every few days, have breakfast in bed together, etc., these things put you on the natural course to the next step, which could be one of you moving to the other's area, or something bigger, like actually moving in together. But when you only get to see each other once or twice a month, this can make the rational mind stand up and say, "whoa, wait... you hardly know this person..." even if you've been in a long distance relationship for more than a year. Which leads me to the next, and perhaps biggest, issue.
Sometimes you really *don't* know them at all.
People lie. A lot of people seeking attention that they're not getting in their own marriage will go online, create a fake id and romance an innocent person who takes them at face value. Sometimes this continues to the point of long distance travel and proposals of marriage. Sometimes it even results in bigamy; I've seen it. So how do you know that the man you're in a committed long distance relationship with, the one who flies to see you every other weekend, isn't really married with five kids, and telling his wife that these are business trips? That's just it -- you don't. Not until you actually start living together and can see for yourself that he hasn't brought a wife and kids along with him. Whether or not you can endure everything else until you get to that point is another matter altogether and I've great respect for anyone who can.