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A Letter to Men From a Man

Updated on June 23, 2017
madison76 profile image

I am a husband, father, homeschool teacher and a learner. I have self-published a children's book "The Purple Monkey."

What a Man Is Not?

Here in the 21st century, I believe men are having a bit of an identity crisis. Even on the big screen, men are no longer required to be masculine or even different than women. While I am not a perfect example of what a man is expected to be, I believe there are certain qualities that every man should possess. Before outlining those qualities, let me first define what a man is not:

  • A man is not selfish. Unfortunately there are a lot of men still living at home with mom and dad playing video games. He has no plans for life and expects everyone to be ok with it.
  • A man does not abuse women. Due to some unknown reason, boys today think it is ok to hit girls. They then grow up to be "men" and still think this behavior is ok. Instead of fighting for his girl, he fights with her.
  • A man is not impatient. Instead of opening car doors and holding doors open for his dream girl, he leaves her feeling disrespected and unimportant.
  • A man is not perfect. A true man does not always insist on being right, rather, he knows where the line is and does not cross it. Instead of hiding his mistakes, he confesses his faults and is not afraid of asking for forgiveness.

What A Man Is

Our current society has forgotten or unfortunately has never been taught what it means to be a man. Perhaps the we as a society spend too much time in front of a media device instead of communicating with actual people. We are taught that it does not matter if men wear dresses and makeup, that it is ok for men to shave their legs and arm pits. If you are ok with these things, then so be it, but you are not the type of man that I would want to marry my daughters. What qualities can you posses that makes you a man?

  • A real man loves Jesus. I know it is not kosher to have such a belief in our current society, but everything good within a person begins with this reality. If you love Jesus then you would treat others, including women, the way He would want you to.
  • A real man puts his woman before himself. Would it be detrimental to your health if you held the door open for your girlfriend? How about opening the car door for her and waiting until she is comfortably seated before you close it?
  • A true man never puts his hand on a woman in anger. When I was a young man, I hit my sister out of frustration and my dad found out about it. I was disciplined by him like I had never incurred before. Needless to say, he taught me a lesson and I learned that day there was something different about the way I should treat girls.
  • A true man waits until marriage before becoming intimate with a woman. If you love a woman, then you wait. It is that simple. I made a number of mistakes throughout my life and this was one area of difficulty for me. As I grew and learned how God feels about marriage and the word "covenant" was explained to me, I knew how important it was for me to wait for intimacy. I have been married for nearly 13 years.

Real Men Poll

Do You Agree With My Definition of a Man?

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Never Too Late

If are young or old and are not proud of the man you've become, then it's never too late to start again. Perhaps you've wronged your spouse or your girlfriend. Do not believe that you have gone to far to begin again. Change is hard, but oftentimes it is necessary to live a fulfilled life.


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    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      19 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Outstanding, Paul. Today men on TV are portrayed as lame brains. The wife and children make sure he knows it. On the big screen men are gun toting, bed hopping, angry and selfish. Helen Reddy could have sung her "I Am Woman" today. Women in the woman's movement today want us to hear them roar, demanding everything that would make them more powerful than men. I appreciate the efforts of equal pay, more respect and other things but they've swung the pendulum too far.

      I wish all males loved Jesus (women too). He's the best example of a true man.

      Thanks for a very relevant and needed article on men.

    • profile image


      19 months ago

      Thanks for the Hub. This is what I imagine a true man to be like. If he believes in Jesus, then, hopefully, he can easily fit the above standards.

    • madison76 profile imageAUTHOR

      Paul Madison 

      19 months ago from Gibsonton

      Thanks for the well thought out reply. I grew up in a home where questioning your parents was never a good thing. I bought my first car and did not have someone to pay my college. I couldn't wait to move out. When I moved out, I certainly understood saw things in a different light. I learned hard work from my dad, and values from the Bible.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      19 months ago

      I don't believe there is a "one size fits all" that accurately describes what a "real man" is. Any definition is varied from one person to the next.

      The two leading causes for the state men are in can be attributed to progress and changes women have obtained over the past couple of generations along with changes in parenting.

      Prior to the 1960s gender roles and expectations were clearly defined. The man was the "breadwinner" in the household.

      Clearly this was long before there was anyone like Mary Barra the CEO of General Motors or Ginni Rometty CEO of IBM.

      The "hierarchy" of marriage and family has been replaced with "partnership" and "equality" in many households. Children are encourage to voice their displeasure with their parents and in many instances their parents attempt to be their "friends". I grew up in a time where no adult would ever introduce their child to another adult calling them by their first name. Children also didn't get a "vote" on much that took place in the household. No one had TVs in their own bedroom and cell phones didn't exist.

      My generation "The Baby Boomers" wanted to be "hip" and unlike their parents. We invited "free love", the drug culture, and took questioning authority to new heights.

      Since then every generation afterwards has been even more lenient raising their children. Why would a boy/young man be in a rush to get a job, pay rent for an apartment, and pay car note if his parents allow him to have his girlfriend spend the night in their home, buy him a car, do his laundry, and encourage him to take his time and explore whatever whims he has.

      One of the reasons why I embraced adulthood was for the "freedom" that came with it to do as (I) pleased!

      If you already have that in your parents' home "rent free" there is no real urgency to step up to the plate.

      Where I was at age 21 you now see guys getting there at age 30. Simply put they're encouraged to take their time.


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