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Quality Conversation with your Spouse/Partner

Updated on February 9, 2012

"Just Listen"

This will be short and to the point....I was doing some reading (The 5 Love Languages) this morning, and wanting to learn more about keeping my relationship with my sweetie as a priority, and came across some good advice. This was a book about keeping the love alive after marriage, and not going on the usual route of a ho hum day to day, boring life. I want to keep the fire burning in our relationship, I want her to know she is loved, and that her dreams are a priority of mine as well, and that she has my full support....emotionally, and every other way a person could support his/her spouse/partner. I strive to do the best for her and myself, keeping her kids at the forefront and doing the right thing at the right time, so we can all live harmoniously together. One thing I and probably all of us out here could do a little more would be to listen better. We can all agree on that right? Don't be ashamed to admit'll feel better once you realize it, and I'm sure you and your significant other will appreciate it more than you know, I know I do. So, with that said, I'm going to give you the info that I read this morning.....You can read it and use it, and probably make your relationship more rewarding, or like some will'll be too proud, and think nothing's wrong with how you listen, which is ok....but, think of the other person in your life. Wouldn't you want to make them happier? I mean, that's why you fell in love wanted to be happy with her/him, and live together in a loving manner, with respect, and honor, and giving them the love they deserve?....Sure you do!!

I won't write every word verbatim, but just enough so you know what I'm saying ok?....We can ALL read into it, and get the information in our brains if we really want to, so here I'll suggest the following summary of practical tips on learning to listen. As always, I've added my own you'll see, but take it seriously peeps....This is good stuff!!

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. That communicates to them that they have your full attention and keeps your mind from wandering. Turn the TV off for 10 minutes.

2. Don't be doing something else while you're listening to your spouse. Remember, quality time is giving your undivided attention. If you are doing something that can't wait, say something like, "Honey, I know you are trying to talk to me, but if you give me 5 or 10 minutes to finish what I'm doing, (NOT looking at porn), I'll sit down and listen to you." Most spouses will respect such a request.

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, "What emotion is she/he experiencing?" When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, "It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot ___________." (To take out the trash, wash the car, do the dishes, bathe the kids, pick up the kids, walk the dog(s), come home, call you, to tell you I was fired, to tell you that I loved you every day, etc).......That gives them the chance to clarify their feelings. It also communicates that you are listening intently to what they are saying.

4. Observe body language. Clenched fists, tears, bow or gun pointing at you (yea, it happens), trembling hands, and eye movement may give you clues as to what the other is feeling. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what they are really thinking and feeling, for example, "Um, dear....have you had training in handling that 357, and is the safety on, or is that thing REALLY loaded? You get the picture don't you?.....I thought you would.....And finally,

5. Refuse to interrupt, especially if she's pointing a 357 your way! Recent research has indicated that the average individual listens for ONLY seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting their own ideas. (My ex-wife beat that by 15 seconds! Seriously!)) If I give you my individual attention while you are talking, I will refrain from defending myself or hurling accusations at you or dogmatically stating my position. My goal is to discover your thoughts and feelings. My objective is not to defend myself or to set you straight, (Tell that to my ex-wife please). It is to understand you......Whew, that was tiring just to write it!!

So, I hope you all take something away from this.....Have open communication with your better half....respect them enough to give them the attention they deserve, NEVER belittle them whatsoever.....Let them know when you appreciate something they did, we all want to be appreciated right? Treat the ladies kindly, they are truly here for us guys. It goes the same for the ladies treating their men right as well. As for me, I'm going to treat mine like the lady she is, with a loving heart and soul, and with everything I have. I'm a confident man, so I can say this without worrying what others will think....I LOVE HER, and I'm blessed to have her in my life!! I found her on Facebook after losing touch for 15 long years. I would die for her if needed, and I pray God allows me to love her for many more years! P.S. She doesn't own any guns so I got that going for me as well!! Plus, she didn't tell me to write this either! God Bless you all, and I hope you live the life God wants you too!! Be kind to each other, you never know when you'll need a helping hand!! Always a friend.....JVR

I didn't put any pictures on this one.....We ALL get the picture without one right?


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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Thanks AM!....Bless ya friend!

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 

      6 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I think this is a very good hub that really is useful for anyone on how to improve your listening and your relationship as a whole. Great, well written hub!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Amen to that Vinaya!! Thanks for stopping by friend!

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 

      6 years ago from Nepal

      Lack of mutual passion leads to ineffective communication, and ineffective communication maneuvers your family life away from happiness. If you have any grievances, sort out before going to bed. Don’t nag at each other, don’t pursue erroneous expectations. Love your partner, the way he or she is.

    • one2recognize2 profile image


      6 years ago from New York

      Great topic, and nicely put together. :)

    • Jrandol62 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Where ever the road takes me....

      Thanks Sunshine!! The sun's always around when she's in the room! Yea, I said it....LOL :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      6 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Well said Jeff!! You offered many outstanding tips and vital information to keep a relationship strong and balanced. Wishing you and Kelly much happiness on your journey. Voted UP and lovable!!:)


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