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Children: It's the Circle of Life

Updated on July 15, 2011

You meet a special man. You fall in love. You marry and then have children. Parents raising boys or raising girls continues the age old circle of life. Relationships don’t always develop in this order, but that was my experience.

My husband, a dynamic, intelligent fun loving man and I decided, after several happy years together, to have children. Together we had two healthy boys, born two years apart.

The idea of loving parents raising two boys into adulthood was not to be. We separated.

One day we were a family, the next I was a young mum with the responsibility of raising boys. The children were aged three and five when we separated.


At the time there was a lot of media attention about single women trying make up for the lack of a male in the home by trying to be both mum and dad and not doing a particularly good job of either. Instantly I resolved that I could be only a mum. Nonetheless, all of the decision making fell in my court and it was up to me to step up to that responsibility too.

My immediate concern surrounded an issue faced by millions of single mums around the world. The foundation of this concern was “how do I, a single woman, bring up boys without the benefit of a full time male role model?”

Who would teach them to tie knots, fish and the myriad of other “male” activities? Men view issues, solve problems and develop relationships differently. When raising boys who would they “mirror” to find their unique maleness? Those were the concerns I had (and more) as I embarked on the gigantic task of guiding the boys into adulthood.

The children’s dad kept contact and that time, although limited, was precious. He provided valuable male input, different experiences, a new way to look at issues and most of all he gave time. Not enough time, but the time he committed could be relied upon.

I think the importance of “maleness” is critical. When raising boys, we ignore that at our peril.

The boys spent many holidays on the farm with my mum and dad. That helped to give the boys a role model of a long term relationship.

Racing around the farm from dawn til dusk making huts, rounding up sheep and riding around on the back of the tractor gave the children a special taste of freedom unavailable in the city we lived in. It all helped in the mix of raising boys.

Somehow we three negotiated the years.

I made many mistakes. We had our challenges, of that there is no doubt. There were many instances where I would like the opportunity to wind back the clock and try again. But that’s not an option we are able to have.

However “my boys” have developed into stunning young men with warm hearts.

Despite our home not having a good two parent relationship role model both “my” young men are involved in long term loving relationships. They have shown that despite being bought up by a single parent, of the other sex, they function well in a couple.

I feel blessed that our immediate family of three has grown to a family of five with the addition of these very special, strong and lovely young women. The circle of life is likely to continue.

**This article is copyright Travelespresso.  Respect my work and if you wish to use it, please ask me.**

 

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    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thanks coverly. There IS a special bond between us and it's one I treasure. Thank you for your kind message.

    • coverley1 profile image

      coverley1 

      8 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      A very moving account. You succeeded with your love and perseverence to raise two little boys into two men taking an active part in society/life. I had two girls to raise alone and I could only be a mother not a father. Nonetheless I got Father's Day cards from them! There is a very special bond in single parenthood that cannot be broken. Well done...

    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thank you for your kind words Hookah

      I agree with you. We do the very best we can with the tools available at the time and whilst there may be some regrets from time to time, overall, I feel like I did a great job and I am sure you are too.

    • Hookah profile image

      Hookah 

      8 years ago from Kentucky

      I really loved this hub, me being a single mother of one little boy I understand how hard things are without a male role model about and juggling two roles when there is only one person. Even if there were regrets in doing things differently like I myself have them from when my wee one was a little younger we forget there isn't a how to manual.

    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thanks for stopping by habee. It comes from much many years experience! Very enriching too.

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      You have a great handle on this. Enjoyed the read!

    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thanks for your comments Catherine R. Hope your friend overcomes this issue. I believe it is a real problem - not just for the single mum's and their children (girls and boys) but for our society.

    • Catherine R profile image

      Catherine R 

      8 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      Well done to you for doing such a good job with your boys - and for writing about it. I have single mother friends who are battling to give their boys the good male input that they need so I understand what an important issue it is.

    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thank you Carol for your lovely words. It is definitely a "heart" piece.

      Thanks also Leop. Much appreciated and I agree....no-one is perfect....certainly not me!

    • Leop profile image

      Leop 

      8 years ago

      Great job, well written hub. I am glad you made it because I know its tough when you are a single mother and it shows that you did what you had to do. No body is perfect especially in this kinds of situations.

      I am happy for you.

    • Carol the Writer profile image

      Carolyn Blacknall 

      8 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Very moving. You have a gift for emotional writing travelespresso! Great work. - Carol

    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thank you for your comments Lynne...I'm so glad that my key point when raising boys, is the importance of good male role models. For girls too, but my experience is obviously with the lads.

    • travelespresso profile imageAUTHOR

      travelespresso 

      8 years ago from Somewhere in this exciting world.

      Thank you so much Princessa for your comments. The important thing is the children and their needs and no one "approach" works!

    • profile image

      lynnechandler 

      8 years ago

      Great job on your first HubMob. You did a fantastic job getting the point across that boys do need a male role model in their lives. Similar case here but one girl and one boy and no hubby. Anywho, great job.

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 

      8 years ago from France

      Thanks for a heart warming hub. Raising boys as a single mom has its own challenges and all I can say is congratulations on having survived the challenge to come out with two lovely young men.

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