- Gender and Relationships
Advice for the first date
Author W. K. Hayes
That First Date
Over the course of many years, I have encountered many relationships that were doomed to horrible failure. Often the words are, said, “If I would have known then what I know now…” Ironically, I would have known then had I listened to the advice of others.
The mind of the young is less likely to receive advice, when given and thusly leading one to a life of hardship and regret. Even with that said, bad advice has led too much of my disappointments. Still, until one touches fire they will never have the experience of being, burnt and I have plenty of burn scars leaving myself, with plenty of advice.
The best place to start would be at the beginning of a relationship. Unfortunately, many advisors fail to realize that children need advice long before they are actually grown and on their own. With that thought in mind, starting with middle-school ages is a befitting place to start.
For this younger group, I highly recommend you focus your energy on your education. The people in your life now will not be a part of your adult life with very few and rare exceptions. As you grow older, your needs and ideas change leaving very little room for the changes they possess. Therefore, it is a wise idea to pursue the opposite sex as your first experience at learning about relationships and nothing more. Love is a very strange and powerful entity with a life of its own and you should not concern yourself with love in the beginning. For now, it is vital that you focus more on the relationship and less on how you feel. Trust me, delving your mind into your own feelings will give you a false sense of what is really happening in the relationship itself.
Once you are, in high school and have learned some of the fundamentals of having a, relationship. You will ascertain that there is a huge difference between the cute little girl in the eighth grade and the cute girl in the eleventh grade. Three years have gone by and already many things have changed for you. For example, most of your friends are, rarely seen with the exception of passing each other in the hall. Your eighth-grade crush may have moved away or found someone else she has taken a crush on. Ultimately, none of which will matter to you. By now, you are, far more focused on getting ready for college, working for a car and trying to deal with your parents insecurities regarding their baby growing up. All of which is possibly driving you nuts and making you wish you were already grown and past this stage. This is when you meet a girl at school or at work and decide to ask her out on your first real date.
This advice covers dating from ages sixteen to anyone. The first date is the most important date, no matter how old you are and no matter how many times you have dated before. This is your first real chance at making a good impression. Nevertheless, use your mind throughout the entire date.
When you arrive to pick her up or if you have decided to meet somewhere, use proper manners and some common sense. Never go to the movies on the first date. The idea of the first date is to get to know one another better. Instead, opt for a nice, quiet dinner. Traditionally, Friday and Saturday has always been date nights, especially for the younger generation. However, you would be wise to choose an afternoon date on Saturday at a restaurant that is fairly quiet and nice. Whatever you do, avoid fast food places although, an all-u-can-eat buffet can be acceptable if the place is nice enough which, most oriental restaurants are. Bring a single rose, preferably a yellow rose. Red roses are only given in matters of love. However, a yellow rose is the symbol of friendship. Unless you are sitting at a booth, pull her seat out and never sit down before she does. If she happens to get up, get up until she has left the table and do the same thing when she returns.
Proper manners are key to surviving any date whether it be the first or the hundredth one, always use manners. The purpose behind proper manners is to show thoughtfulness and consideration to others around you. Failure to use proper manners means you do not care about the person you are with making you look selfish and very undesirable to your date. Same thing, if you picked her up, hold the car door open for her…fact is, open every door for her. Now, here is the kickback from using proper manners. If she lunges at the door or complains that she can do it herself, then you might want to cut her loose. A woman knows when she is being, properly cared for and sees your attempts as being a man that would take care of her in a positive way. However, a woman that fails to recognize your thoughtfulness is indeed, thoughtless, herself. Do not believe the hype about differences between men and women. There really are no differences. Some women can be just as selfish as some men can and some women can be just as good as any man. Wash those myths from your mind. Treat her with respect to see if she appreciates your kind gestures or if she is simply there for her own selfish reasons.
One of the quickest ways to know where a woman stands, besides the aforementioned manner's trick, is to listen to her. Now, this might be a new concept to you but listen to what she is saying to you. If the first question out of her mouth is, “Where do you work”, she is more interested in you paying her bills than she is in you, the person. Now, if she asks you what you like to do then she is showing she really does want to know you better by learning more about your likes and dislikes. Whatever you do, refrain from putting your date in the hot seat but be sure to ask questions too, in a subtle manner, of course.
Whether you are on a date or not, you should always try to be attentive to the other’s needs. If you notice her drink is getting low, swiftly order her another one. The secret to anybody, male or female, is that a person loves attention. Therefore, be attentive and pay attention to what is, said. Truthfully, if you are spending the date thinking about kissing that other person then you truly are wasting your time. There is a time and place for everything and when you are having a light conversation over lunch, stay in the conversation.
Here is something you will want to avoid. I prefer to call it the, “Booby-Trap”. When a woman wears a low cut blouse, she is playing you. Keep your eyes on her eyes and avoid the temptation to sneak a peek. Most girls will intentionally wear a low cut blouse. For them, a guy who keeps looking down is only wanting one thing from her and he will not be getting it. Keeping eye contact also shows the girl that you are confident. Your sole purpose for being there is because you want to be with the woman, she is and not what she looks like now. Remember...eyes up!
As for you young women, out there, the world does not revolve around how grown-up you are. Try to avoid making the man feel inferior to you by telling him how women are more mature than men. That is another one of those lies and one I will never believe. Many a time I have seen girls my own age act as foolish and conceited as any five-year-old. Being mature is a hoax and a failed idea of vanity. Equality is the only truth in life. Therefore, avoid proclaiming you are better than him, as much as he should avoid doing the same or the relationship will not work out.
Speaking of inferiority complexes; if the person you are on the date with has a tendency to say bad things about whom they are…run like the wind. There is a huge difference in being humble and self-doubt. A person with self-doubt will become controlling in the relationship causing huge problems later on. So, if during the course of your first date, that person complains about being over-weight, not pretty enough or handsome enough…they’re not fishing for compliments…that’s just how they feel about themselves and they will pull you down to lift themselves up. I have experienced this problem one too many times to have someone try to tell me otherwise, so do not bother trying.
As for imperfections, show me one perfect person on this, planet? Stop worrying about superficial flaws. So what if one arm is shorter than the other and a boob touches your chin without having to look down. Look at our President. If he was perfect, do you think he would have gotten a scar from playing basketball? Me neither. The point is, be happy with who you are or you will not be good to anyone in any relationship. You will spend your time feeling insecure and insecurity leads to a lot of evil in even the best of relationships.
Sorry about the rant but it is so important that people learn to be happy with who they are. If you are having trouble with self-esteem leave, a note and I will write a whole article about the traps of self-esteem in the hopes that it helps you. Divorce can be a real hurt to one’s self-esteem and is truly one of the hardest things to deal with. That is definitely my next topic, for now.
Just as a quick recap; enjoy the first date, use proper manners and think with your mind about what is being said. Avoid going to the movies and stick to being a perfect gentleman and lady. No matter how badly you might want to go all the way on the first date, if things do not work out you will feel used.
Thank you for reading my article and Have a great day!