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Dating for Dummies - How to Tell if He's Just Not That Into You

Updated on October 5, 2016

Finding Your Soulmate Isn't Easy

Before I met my husband, this book was instrumental to me in helping me navigate the dating world.

Why Love Can Be So Blind

There is a big difference between being in love, and being in love with the idea of love. It is a natural human instinct to want the companionship of someone else, someone who you can love, but sometimes that instinct can blind us from what is actually right in front of our eyes.

Love is something that can withstand the test of time, ideas of love can only last for so long.

We see what we want to see, and that can be a dangerous thing. If we venture out into the dating world hell bent on finding the perfect someone, we can walk away with Mr. or Mrs. Completely Wrong for Us without even realizing it!

So how do you know if you are in love with the person or in love with idea? It takes some deep soul searching to find your real truth, but there are signs you can look out for, including:

  • Bouncing from one relationship to another
  • Getting attached to people too quickly
  • Making excuses for a partner who is treating you poorly
  • Always hunting for the next catch and never making time for yourself
  • You find that you have to try to keep a relationship going
  • You ignore red flags as they come up

If you find that you are constantly winding up in relationships that fizzle after a few weeks, it may be a good time to step back and ask yourself if you are looking for someone to love, or if you are looking for the idea of love. If you are looking for the idea of love, try taking a break from the dating scene for awhile so you can figure out what you are truly searching for in a mate.

Differences Between Men and Women When it Comes to Dating

Initially attracted to someone's looks
Initially attracted to someone's personality
Men don't overanalyze dates
Women overanalyze dates to an extreme
Men don't show their emotions easily
Women have difficulty hiding their emotions
Men don't gossip with their friends about their newest crush
Women gossip, A LOT - especially about recent dates and crushes
Men are laid back when it comes to dating
Women can be nervous wrecks when it comes to dating
Men look for fast solutions to conflict
Women look for the right solutions to end a conflict
Men prefer to ignore confrontation - at all costs
Women are better communicators
These are scientific reasons why men have trouble reading women and why women have trouble reading men, it isn't personal.

For Women, Understanding Men Can Be Like Deciphering Hyroglyphics

Relationship Survey

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The Science Behind Dating for Men versus Women

It isn't in your head, men really are different from women, and no I don't mean just physically. The attitudes and behaviors exhibited by men who are dating are drastically different from the attitudes and behaviors women display when dating - and that is just science.

Understanding the psychological differences between men and women may improve the way you approach dating and relationships. Their are distinct psychological differences between the way men think and the way women think. While women are detail driven, examining the tiny parts of each situation, men prefer to look at the whole picture all at once.

Men prefer to think independently, while women prefer to think in groups, bouncing ideas of one another. Another fact is that women often underappraise themselves more than men, which can lead to preoccupation of negative thoughts - a phenomena that occurs much more often in women than in men.

Although women may be prone to obsess, they are also better at communicating how they honestly feel. When a problem arises, men want to sweep it under the rug and move on, while women are more prone to address the issue and try to find a solution.

Women are naturally intuitive. Men are not. This means that women can often tell how someone else is feeling without them having to verbally say it out loud. If you want a man to know how you feel or what your thinking, you need to tell them, without beating around any bushes.

While women tend to think using a balance of the right and the left brain, men tend to stay stuck in the left brain. The left brain is the logical side of the brain that doesn't take into account things like feelings and emotions, but rather focuses on the facts that are right in front of them.

He Isn't Going to Call You

Signs that She Just Isn't Into You

Women aren't the only ones perplexed by the opposite sex. Men are just as baffled by women as women are by men. Why do women have to go to the bathroom in groups? Why do they need makeup when they are just sitting around the house? Why do they enjoy talking on the phone for so long? Try as they might, men just don't understand women.

Because of this, men are just as likely to find themselves in the wrong relationship as women. The signs a woman shows a man to show that she is uninterested however aren't always the same as the signs shown by an uninterested male.

Here are some red flags to look for in a women to figure out if she just isn't that into you:

  • She doesn't call or text
  • She talks about or compares you to her ex-boyfriend(s)
  • Her friends have no clue who you are
  • She avoids situations where its just you two, one on one
  • She hasn't mentioned that she wants you to meet her family - and you've been dating for a week
  • She isn't affectionate or avoids you when you try to be affectionate towards her

Signs that He Just Isn't Into You

It can be hard to swallow the idea that someone doesn't think we are amazing, but we have to face the reality that it's going to happen. We will have bad dates, we will date the wrong guys, and we will inevitably get our hearts broken from time to time.

That is the way dating works, that is the way love works.

We search and we search until we finally find the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives. There are ways to make the process easier however, and one of those ways is by identifying when the other person isn't interested.

Here are some of the ways you can tell if the guy you are dating just isn't that into you:

  • It takes him more than 24 hours to contact you after your first date
  • He avoids the topic of meeting your family, and never brings up you meeting his family
  • He cancels last minute, a lot
  • He avoids telling you too many personal things about himself
  • The only time the two of you talk is when you initiate the conversation
  • You have been dating for awhile and he won't make a commitment
  • He avoids talking about the future

Waiting Until You Find the Perfect Person is So Worth It

This movie is a hysterical look into the dating lives of several couples, and a great way to spend a Friday night alone with a carton of ice cream!

Dating Advice for Men and Women

How does someone find their soulmate? You may be surprised to find out that a study of people both married, as well as those in long term relationships most often found their mate when they weren't actively searching for a significant other.

When men and women are actively searching for a partner, several issues can arise. They can find themselves acting out of character in order to impress someone, they can find themselves in relationships with people they aren't interested in, and they can wind up missing opportunities where they can actually find someone that they connect with on a deeper level.

It may seem illogical to think that you are more likely to find someone when you are not looking for them, but no one ever said that life was logical - and love definitely isn't. Here are some tips that both men and women can use when trying to find a mate:

  • Pursue interests that you enjoy, as it will increase the odds of meeting a partner that shares common passions
  • Be open and honest with the other person, and keep an open-mind
  • If you don't feel any chemistry, don't try to create it yourself
  • Never bring your old baggage into a new relationship
  • Don't sell yourself, be yourself
  • Listen to your gut and trust your instincts
  • Know when it is okay to compromise, and when it isn't


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    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 3 years ago from Lagos

      Interesting and captivating write!

      Love is a confusing and sweet thing...

      It is difficult to know actually the know when it comes to love cos it is a thing that cannot be easily deciphered or unchained even when you think you are there. It is a strange world on its own.

      but, i agree to some of the signs here given. Men are very different from women in many ways not just the physical; our emotion, thought and approach to love differ in many ways. However, when love is brought to focus, we must thread with care. When a man is not into you, all the signs will show just that some choose to ignore.

      voted up!