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Why extra-marital relations

Updated on June 23, 2011

Life is changing at fast pace as change is law of nature. Change is inevitable and reality of life. Change is continuous and never ending process. We may or may not like to adopt change but we cannot restrain ourselves from change, as advancement in today’s technology is cause of change. Change is like running water, we can't hold it.

Marriage which is union of two to live and dwell together is also effected by change. As change leads to increase in expectations, manifestations, desires ,etc. People marry with big dreams in mind and when those dreams are not fulfilled they tend to get dis-hearted and thus start looking for the support from the outside world, where they cross their limits and stretch their boundaries for their comfort without thinking of results.

Love, affection, care which are important components in the marriage starts missing and loosing grip. As they start losing the importance of relationship. But then they start living life for family, kids ,society, friends and people around them or where they dwell in, as they start thinking what they will think, and start taking it as family obligation on shoulder to be fulfilled.

It is worst in Indian customary few people are married with parents choice so they can’t even say anyone anything or blame parents. They start feeling unhappy and unsatisfactory from their life which thus leads to extra marital relations. The main hidden cause of extra marital relations is lack of care, love, mutual understanding.

Exploring further we can say 'extra marital affair' is not new thing happening in our society. The idea generated the same moment, the concept of marriage came into being. Relation of marriage itself suggest a question, can there be a relation outside marriage ? In today's society we face this relation every second door. People are finding solace here and there, feeling relaxed for sometime but still our question is answered. Why extra marital relations exist ?

In some societies, people enter into marriage without understanding the true meaning of marriage. They do so simply as social custom, convention or duty towards family, parents or over all society. Such marriages are nothing more than 'an arrangement' to live together. Keeping aside the emotions, feelings, desires, dreams and possibilities of love make the so called marriages an 'unholy tie up'. As you can cut the wings but you can't kill the desire to fly, people stretch their wings across the sky without knowing limits. Here I am not supporting such relations outside marriage but I have few words to say that to understand 'extra marital relation' we need to understand the meaning of true marriage. Marriage is a pious relation only if both partner understand it's true meaning. Some time marriage is taken as bond between a male who is provider and protector and female who bear kids and manage kitchen. If the relation is not deep rooted in hearts and souls, caring for each others feelings, emotions, supporting physically as well emotionally, then no marriage can stop partner going out for other relations.

Unhappy marriageis the main reason behind 'extra marital affairs', it may be due to any further reason like incompatibility between the spouses, financial instability, abusive marriages, insecure family atmosphere. Although other reasons can't be ignored. Some time such relations start out of fun or flirt. Working conditions, professional similarities, business associations, materialistic targets can also create possibilities for such relations.

Reasons can be listed more and more but still 'love and affection' blended with some care and understanding can stop partners going beyond limits.


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    • Bhanu.Jas profile imageAUTHOR

      Bhawana Salaria 

      6 years ago from Australia

      I am really thankful to you for stopping by and reading my hub and i would accept all you have said in above lines

    • libby1970 profile image


      6 years ago from KY

      Every marriage faces challenges. Some people use excuses to have "extra marital affairs." These affairs are about "self" and nothing to do with honesty and respect. Any person with honor will keep themselve from such gross behavior. We all have common sense and reason. Very good hub! I agree with your hub except I think if that person is lacking attention or love then he or she should communicate their needs to their partner...not run to another. Communication in the union of a marriage is critical. A marriage should be where both parties involved can talk freely and open and discuss their needs and feelings without bias. Even if something is lacking, with communication, things will get better.

    • shanaya profile image


      7 years ago from Living in my Own Dreams:)

      Dear Bhanu Ma'am! So True you have written. Totally AGREE with you. Yeah both should Understand and Sort out Things Together. Then only a Marriage work. But some people Doesn't wanna listen, Doesn't wanna know actual MEANING OF MARRIAGE, For those people, Result will only be DIVORCE or SEPARATION. I have been gone through it so I know the situation. Thanks for sharing.:)

      Obviously VOTED UP so high, AWESOME, INTERESTING.

      LOVE YOU Ma'am


    • INDIAGUIDE profile image


      7 years ago from Orissa, India

      nice work Bhanu. I love your idea. Weather it is applicable for all parts of World.

    • Bhanu.Jas profile imageAUTHOR

      Bhawana Salaria 

      7 years ago from Australia


      Simply amicable...Very well said.Thanks for adding to it.


    • jacobkuttyta profile image

      Siny J 

      7 years ago from Delhi, India

      Yes, every marriage has some sort of problems. But the secret of having a great marriage is true love. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

      By loving your spouse, you can lead a great married life.

    • Bhanu.Jas profile imageAUTHOR

      Bhawana Salaria 

      7 years ago from Australia

      I agree with you fucsia.To understand importance of Marriage for both is equally important for having no space for such thing called Extra Marital.


    • Jaspals profile image

      Jaspal Singh 

      7 years ago from India / Australia

      Any relation whether with in marriage or beyond marital limits need attention. Trust is certainly the most important part of any relation. Staying together is like creating some balance between conflicting interests of both partners. Both have to work out the balancing point. Well written and well explained article. Voted up.

    • fucsia profile image


      7 years ago

      As you wrote there is not a unique reason for an extra marital relation, but on its basic often there is a kind of "immaturity of love".

      People often do not understand what mean marriage. The trust and the truth are very important in a couple, the truth can mean even admit the desire toward other people, that is perfectly normal.

      I think that when a person can be completely him/her self, without afraid to say what he/her feel and think, can build a solid relation.

      Then this relation must to be nurtured every day, not to became sterile and boring and far away from itself, from when it was only a dream.


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