ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Recognizing Emotional Abuse

Updated on October 21, 2012

What is emotional abuse?

Abuse is all about control ~ an imbalance of power that leads one person to dominate another. None of us say to ourselves, “I am going to willingly enter into an abusive relationship” ~ at least I hope not. However, many of us have found ourselves fully engaged and entrapped in such a relationship.

Not all forms of abuse are physical. People can experience emotional or psychological abuse. Emotional abuse is control that is enacted without overt or direct violence. It can come in many forms ~ from aggressive emotional attacks to subtle manipulation.

Whether or not we may realize it, emotional abuse is a type of violence onto another person. Emotional abuse is designed to control and beat you down emotionally so that you are weak and unable or less willing to stick up for yourself. In such a relationship, you might find yourself “walking on eggshells” to avoid attracting the other person’s attention and causing a negative reaction.

Aggressive types of emotional abuse . . .

  • yelling and snapping at you with no warning, berating you, verbal attacks that leave you in tears
  • being overly critical and putting you down, especially in front of others ~ putting down your ideas, thoughts and dreams
  • false accusations, accusing you of wrongdoing and offenses, finding fault
  • stalking and following you to see if you are doing what you said you were doing, showing up at your work or house or when you are out with others
  • threatening to hurt those you care about, threatening violence to you
  • enacting violence against your pets or destroying your possessions, committing violent acts in your presence
  • relentless teasing, making fun of you and everything you care about

These acts are all committed in a loud and overt way, often in front of other people.

Subtle acts that may not be obvious to outsiders . . .

  • excessive texting, calling and checking up under the pretense of being "worried" about you
  • isolating you from family and friends, saying that they want you all to themselves, making you cancel plans with others out of guilt
  • withholding affection, being cold and distant
  • silent treatment, getting mad and refusing to speak for long periods of time as "punishment" for a perceived wrongdoing
  • telling you how to dress and what to think and what to do
  • minimizing your concerns, opinions, and thoughts ~ dismissing your feelings as if you have no right to them
  • neglect, ignoring you for long periods of time and failing to meet any of your needs in the relationship
  • controlling all the finances, making you turn over your paycheck to the "family account" and giving you an "allowance" that is insufficient, questioning your purchases and not checking with you on big item purchases
  • preventing you from doing what you want ~ working, spending money, going out

These subtle attacks are often committed under the guise of "protecting" you or looking out for your best interests as if you should be grateful for these gestures and not upset. As a result, the person will deny that they are trying to control and instead accuse you of being cruel or unappreciative or even dismiss you as "crazy."

In conclusion . . .

It is hard to leave an emotionally abusive relationship because the abuse has a way of tearing down your self-esteem, making you feel worthless so that you are more easily controlled. The scars are lasting as you have to take the time to restore yourself and find yourself again, making you weary of trusting others or in danger of repeating the emotionally abusive relationship pattern. Knowing the typical characteristics and behavioral patterns involved in emotionally abusive relationships can help you know when to get out and end the relationship. You can take this quiz find out some of the feelings of an emotionally abusive relationship. You don’t have to buy the book at the end of the quiz. This quiz is just an interesting walk through of some of the feelings associated with a psychologically abusive relationship.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)