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Red Flagging a Relationship, 5 Clues You Can’t Afford to Ignore
By Joan Whetzel
You're dating someone new or you just got married. The world’s a beautiful place. Then you begin noticing that things don't seem right. At first, it’s just little things. However, when you start seeing the red flags flapping in the wind and the alarm bells start sounding, it’s time to take a serious look at what’s really happening and decide if it’s time to red-flag this relationship and get out.
1. “Secret” Texts and Phone Calls
Your significant other makes calls or texts but doesn’t want you to know to whom. You may be wondering whether there’s someone else or whether he or she is doing something immoral, illegal, or unethical. If your intuition tells you that something isn’t right, follow that lead. Find out what’s going on, if you can, and consider moving on.
2. Severing Your Ties
Your significant other starts gradually cutting your ties with friends and family, starting with the ones that hate him or her the most. You, know, the ones who aren’t afraid to let you know that their gut is telling them something is wrong. After a while, you notice that your circle of friends and family has grown quite small, or has disappeared altogether. Get out of this relationship. Don’t walk. Run!
3. Liar, Liar
You catch your significant other in a lie. Stop. Take a deep breath. Now look at the lie. Is it only a single lie? Or is it the latest in a long string of lies? Is it a single little white lie intended to spare your feelings? Or is this a whopper aimed at trying to prevent you from finding out the ugly truth? A single little white lie told to spare your feelings or to keep you from discovering plans for a pleasant surprise (a proposal?) can generally be overlooked or forgiven. But a long history of lying and lying as a means of covering up something nasty about them are clear red flags.
4. Let’s Move In Together
You’ve only been dating a few weeks or a few months. Suddenly, you’re significant other wants the two of you to move in together. Immediate strong reservations are a signal to pay attention. Is it far too early for this move? Is the other person is asking you to give up your house/apartment and other parts of your life? Is he or she pressuring you to make this commitment? Do you strongly believe that co-habitation and premarital sex are wrong? Don’t be afraid to put your foot down and say “no.”
5. “Try It For Me. Please!”
Your significant other starts pestering and begging you to try something that really makes you uncomfortable. It may be something to do with sex (swinging, S&M, anal sex), trying drugs, or something illegal or unethical. If it ties your stomach in knots or makes you feel disgusted, that’s your alarm system blaring. Just say “no” and get the heck out of Dodge if they won’t take “no” for an answer.
Leaving IS an option. In fact, it may be your only option. When the red flags are flying and the alarms blaring don’t ignore the signals. It’s time to red flag the relationship.