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Relationship Advice: Entry Ⅰ - Getting Started - Are They Right for You and What to Do?

Updated on December 30, 2017

Steps To Start Your Journey Down the Path of Love

Being committed isn’t easy, and staying committed does put some chains on what you can and cannot do. Although there are some limitations, being in love is one of the most sensational feelings that one can possess. Movies make it seem easy to find the man or woman of your dreams. In movies, finding love is often portrayed as having a prince woo over a simple country girl. Unfortunately, that's usually not the case. In the modern day world, most couples find each other at a workplace, school, and occasionally at a bar (which usually results in a one-night stand and a hangover the next morning.)

In this article, you will be walked through the basic steps to find the right path that you should pursue in your love life.

  1. Are you going to be able to stay in touch?

This first step automatically eliminates celebrities (unless you are one) because let's be real here; it's very unlikely that Harry Styles will declare his undying love for you. If you’re considering someone from work or school, ask yourself this eloquent question; will you be able to talk to them at least once a week? If your answer was no to this question, go down your list and try to find someone else, or even better - stay single.

This is also going to exclude that smoking hot store clerk who you were so desperate to flirt with. Chances are that you’re never going to see them again.

If your answer to the question was yes, then give yourself a pat on the back and release that breath you’ve been holding for a little bit too long.

2) Can you be yourself around them?

I cannot stress this enough - this step is CRUCIAL! If you are not able to express yourself without the fear of being judged then you might want to let this one go. If you find yourself thinking that was stupid of me when it's something you say occasionally. Some examples of this are small catchy phrases like “as quick as a wink”.

To try this out and experiment, ask one of your closest friends to keep a log of your mood and behaviors during each time you are communicating with your special someone. If they notice you change a little dramatically in your personality (negatively) or you change your interests or opinions drastically, then this is another sign that you should move on.

3) What are you really looking for?

Take a moment to think about what you are really in this for; a committed relationship or friends with benefits. There are a number of people who claim that they are in a relationship for the long run, but after their significant others bank account has been drained or their reputation murdered they split apart. You not only have to consider if you are going to be that person who walks away from their fiance one day before the wedding with your brand new Ferrari, designer clothing, and bundles of cash. If you are 100% confident that you won’t be that kind of person, look at them. Do they seem manipulative? Do you have anything that might seem desirable that may be the reason they ask you out? If both your answers were no, then you can let your smile stretch as far across your face as you want. Congratulations; you’re in the safe zone.

If you are looking for a friend with benefits, then this article really isn't for you, although before you stop reading, just remember that you should clear up all conditions with your new friend. If they aren’t looking for that kind of “just for fun” relationship, respect their differences. Nobody likes being pressured into doing something that they don’t want to do.

4) Are you focusing on the drink, not the glass?

This question is portraying the concept of admiring the person for their personality and not their physical features. Are you liking the prune juice or the gold-rimmed champagne glass? Sometimes we crush on the good-looking professor in your biology class, even though you know for a fact that they are not organized and selfish. An effective method to figure out your answer is to make a list. Yes, you read that correctly. Make two t-graphs and label the heading of the first one “physical features” and the second one “personality”. Each side of the t-graphs should include traits that you are attracted to and some that repel you.

For example, on the positive traits for the personality graph, you might include “likes the outdoors” and on the negative side you may want to add something along the lines of “stubborn”. Of course, these aren’t descriptions that may illustrate the personality of this person, but make sure to include at least 3 of each in each section. If you find yourself writing down more physical traits than personality traits then this person may not be for you, if you’re looking for a committed relationship.

When you’ve finished your even graphs, it's time for the deciding. Make a small box next to each of the traits and put a number there. In the box evaluate the trait by placing a number of 1-10 in the box. 1 exactly what you are looking for and 10 representing that the trait is strongly disliked. Now add up all the numbers on both sides of each graph. Now compare the numbers; if there is a greater value on the physical trait side by at least 5 when compared to the personality then GO FOR IT!

5) Are you going to get bored of them or annoyed quickly?

Not sure about your answer to this question? Try hanging out with them (as friends) just to double check that you’re definitely interested in them. A quick trip to the shopping center or the park will do. Make sure that when you’re arranging the location with them that it is appropriate. This excludes going to a restaurant or a beach picnic. You should avoid going to a place that gives off a romantic aura because it may cause the situation to be awkward or uncomfortable. If you find that you feel uncomfortable around them or you can’t figure out anything that the two of you have in common, then you might not be off to a good start and you should reconsider your options.

6) Have you been lying to yourself as you have been answering these questions?

Sometimes we are so desperate to have something that we convince ourselves of something that is opposite of the truth. Before finalizing any of your decisions, make sure to check in with a close, honest, and supportive friend that should have a good idea of what is going to be beneficial for you.

If you answering this question with a no, it's either you are superhuman, or you’re lying to yourself again. Remember, having a relationship shouldn’t be your aspiration. Sure, it’s fun to daydream about your future and the day when you get engaged with them, but you should always come first. You are special and unique from everyone else on this earth. Something else you should consider is if you are shipping yourself with them because you notice they seem to be into you. Never put yourself in a position to make someone else if you know you won't be delighted by the outcome.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 weeks ago

      Sound advice!

      Young people in particular are known for pursuing relationships without having figured out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate for life. They allow “happenstance” and “impulsive connections” to dictate their relationship choices.

      It’s the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      One final suggestion for those who are in their teens and 20s; please consider dating just for FUN.

      Let go of the idea of finding your “soulmate” at age 17 or 18 or having the unrealistic expectation of maintaining a (long distance relationship) for 4-6 years while attending different colleges.

      Young people get bored very easily and generally it’s only a matter of time before they decide to socialize with people who are actually where they are. Eventually this leads to dating/having sex. Naturally this is cheating however the biggest error was being too immature to realize they were being unrealistic when they thought they were ready to maintain a LDR.

      These days most people don’t start getting serious about choosing a mate for life until they’re in their late 20s, early 30s, and sometimes beyond. This is especially true for most young men. They're in no rush to become their parents as in getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having a family.

      For them that's like watching their lives flash before their eyes!