Relationship Lessons To Learn
Trust in relationships is quite an issue in today's society. There are people out there whose first inclination is to cheat on their significant other. Respect might also be an issue. How can one respect themselves when they have cheated either emotionally or physically or both? Consideration. Why do they all seem to be lacking in today's society vs in the mid 1930s when my father's parents got married? They are the role model marriage that I have always looked up to. Parents of five children, and ran a dairy farm in Canada. Surely it isn't because Canada is different from the United States. That would surely be disappointing.
Here is a look at what is wrong in today's society:
Constantly borrowing money
A person that has severe money issues is not in a position to start a new relationship, much less maintain one. Financial problems also causes major stress in life. Why would any person want to inflict that on another person?
Example: One of my cousins was living with her boyfriend who would constantly borrow money. She told him, "we can still date, but I am moving out." I haven't heard if they are still dating, but I am guessing that they probably are not.
Another example: I recently met a couple who is about my father's age. They continue their relationship, but they live in two different homes. They both prefer it that way. He stated: "If I get tired of her, I can go home. If she gets tired of me, she can go home." Sounds like quite a hip older couple.
How about someone who breaks up with you because you wouldn't buy him the new PlayStation game system? He dropped hints about how he would accept a gift from the pawn shop. Really? Not gonna happen. Especially when you gauge how invested they are in the relationship to begin with. (Which he wasn't.) Good riddance. Have your temper tantrum elsewhere.
If you would like to still give them a chance, I would suggest walking away and simply saying: "give me a call when it is a better time to start a new relationship." This way, you are not taking on their own personal stress. You also will not get roped in trying to bail them out. Which I have made the mistake of doing, and it is SO not worth it. They need to find their own motivation to do it on their own.
No desire to meet your family
This is a sure sign that the relationship has an expiration date. Why invest getting to know the other's family when they don't plan to be around much longer after they meet them? This is called a loser who is in it for the benefit of himself, and wasting your time. Time that you can be enjoying your productive hobbies. You would have a much better time with your hobbies than investing time in something that you will have nothing to show for it.
Lack of trust
When trust becomes an issue that you stoop low enough to look through their cellphone. Something is obviously up, and they do not deserve your trust. (aka He was calling another woman beautiful, and a condom was found in his room.)
I just do not understand. Where is the loyalty, the respect, the love? I feel sorry for the new girl. Young enough to believe in fairy tales, in which he does not believe.
No ATM or Debit Card??
They have no bank account?? Run, as fast as you can. This will prevent them from putting their debt in your name.
If you have your finances on the right track, or are making strides to do so, be careful of the company you keep and especially those you choose to date. Although you may have the best of intentions to get them on track. It's much easier for them to get you off track!! It isn't worth it.
No relationship with any family members
They have absolutely no connections to their own nuclear family. They may have wrote off their parents in high school. They have no support circle, which leaves them in constant stress. Like one of my hub readers had said to me once, "you need people in your life."
This just shows that he has a habit of constantly walking away from family. He will eventually walk away again. It is ingrained in his being. They have a fear of any type of commitment.
Those that abuse animals, tend to abuse women. Which may happen to the younger generation as there are MANY stories out there of animal abuse.
Jump into another relationship quickly
I believe in closure. Of course, because of the other person, I do not always get the closure that I need, such as being paid back the money I am owed before the ending of the relationship. The prediction would be that the ending of the next relationship is pre-determined by him. Many of the men that I have met are a creature of habit. Therefore, it is safe to say that they will come up with a previous story to end yet another relationship.
Let's see, I have heard: "You are too good for me." "Its not you, its me." "We are in two different places in life." Or, they just simply do not make the relationship a priority, and some just had no intention of doing so. It is just to get the benefit at that point in time.
Important to you, should be important them
If it is important to you, and he/she loves you, it should be important to him/her, and vice versa. For example: My dog is important to me. Because she is a Lab/Pitt mix. I need to be able to find a home that allows her to live with us. Some people have an unfounded disliking for Pits, and I refuse to send her to another kennel when I took the responsibility to care for her after her adoption.
If anyone wants to make a change in their life, one will have to make a drastic change to do so. It takes about six weeks to make something a routine. How many can withstand six weeks? Most want instant gratification.
I no longer want to hear women say what they invested into their relationships and then just had them fail. I want to warn good people about the toxic people that are out there. Do not let these people in your life. They are toxic vampires, and not worthy of investment.
If I only help one person, it would have been worth it. All we can hope for is that karma finds those toxic people and teaches the lessons they deserve. Be cautious. Life is harder now than it was ever before.
I also will not discriminate. I have come across many questionable women, also.
One, when I first got married and had my first child. I became friends with this woman while both of our spouses were deployed. Needless to say, she was not very important to my life because I do not remember her name. However, what I do remember about her is, she had cheated on her husband and was not even sure if her daughter was her husband's child. I kept away from risky women as well. It's better to surround yourself with people that have closer to the same values as you do.
My, now, ex-mother-in-law had also bragged about cheating on my now ex-father-in-law. She "said," she was getting get well gifts from another man after having a couple surgical procedures. Needless to say, I am glad to not have her in my life. She was a huge disappointment that I do not miss. I just hope she has no influences on her granddaughters, and that they have a conscience.
I have come across women that really do not care if a guy has a girlfriend. They will go after what they want. It is pretty sickening what women will do to other women. One woman that I know, her husband cheated with her best friend, so she lost not only her husband, but her best friend. Do we really lack morals in this generation?
5 signs you're with the wrong person
1. You compare them to an ex.
After some thought on this one, I find that I disagree. Sometimes comparing is how a person learns. One has to know a bad person to recognize a good person. Especially in the ways that you are treated. I honestly cannot believe that others do not do this? It is considered dating history. Some people have to look at this information and wonder why relationships do not work. People have to look at this and make a conscious effort to go against type, if they want to change their dating pattern.
2. You have a long list of improvements for them.
You cannot go into a relationship changing someone else. All you can do is change yourself.
I could not change my marriage. Therefore, I went back to college to educate myself. Probably one of the best things that I have ever done with my life. Furthermore, not allowing my son to quit high school, so I could get my education. I could not let him sacrifice his education for mine, seeing that my maternal grandmother made my mom do just that. I do have a conscience.
3. You don't feel the need to improve yourself.
I have found that I have more drive to improve myself more than I ever have before. I still prefer being a good role model for my nieces, nephew, and even clients. I want to see those with disabilities succeed at life. They want to be as normal as possible. No one has the right to stand in their way.
4. Your close friends and family do not like him.
I don't really have close friends, and I am okay with that. However, family tends to want the best for you. It is quite similar to going to different employments and seeing how employees relate to different supervisors, preferring one over another.
5. You are not excited or concerned about a future with them.
I'm over 40. I'm not going to be a blushing bride. When/if it happens again. I'm no longer afraid to be a cougar. I just want someone that I can be passionate about. I'm older. I'm not dead.
10 warning signs of a one sided relationship
1. Only one person opens up.
Everyone expresses themselves differently. If your partner does not let you in, it could be a sign that they don't feel the same level of connection as you do. However, I tend to be a very open person. (Empath) I don't think many guys like that too much.
2. They don't include the other in social situations. If your partner keeps you fairly separate from their friends, it could indicate they just aren't invested in you.
This apparently was a sign in one previous relationship. One that prefers to drop hints than to tell you what they really mean. In my opinion, that's not a man. That's someone that needs a psychologist, to write them a road map, to figure out what they want. I believe that this will eventually lead to them cheating on you.
3. They don't commit to plans.
When you are the only one that makes set plans, that's a huge red flag. They probably do not want to promise something they are not sure they are going to be around for. Which makes sense when thinking about endings in relationships. Some relationships I wish would have ended sooner than they did.
4. One feels overly stressed about little things. Some are curious on how their partner will react.
5. You feel drained, not comforted. Relationships require give and take - sometimes you give, sometimes you take. However, when you end up doing all the giving (an empath characteristic), you will wind up feeling exhausted. It isn't reassuring to be in this place. It is stressful, and with a seizure disorder, I need a relationship where give and take is reciprocated.
6. You make excuses for the other person. You make up little white lies as to why they do not want to show up for dinner. Not pleasant when you have to start lying for them. Then, you start ruining your other relationships for them. Not cool!!
7. One may feel that they do not feel like a priority.
It's nice to be reassured that you matter, instead of not knowing where you stand. You do not know your place in line.
8. They practice selective listening.
Listening only if it is something they're interested in (ADHD ex-husband), or when it benefits them in some way, such as, canceling a trip to a bed and breakfast (Lemp Mansion), and the guy is like, "Ohhh....I really wanted to go." Seriously? Go and play someone else like a fiddle.
I want to feel heard and understood. I want them to feel heard and understood.
9. You are the only one who wants to work through problems. Your partner would rather just bury the issue, let it slide and not address it. You know good things require work, but they don't seem willing to try. (This is why my marriage ended, after 18 years and 3 children later. I never realized, until now, that my marriage ended up being one sided. I wonder if it is because he was deployable, and getting lazy in our relationship? Did he really think that this would not lead to divorce? Being in a one sided relationship is like banging your head against a wall. Not a good thing with a seizure disorder.)
10. One of you can never really settle down. Call it intuition, a gut feeling, or something you just cannot explain. We are pretty good at knowing when something is wrong. However, when you're really crazy about someone, you are so desperate for those feelings to be returned that you learn to silence that nagging voice that tells you to say, "Hey, I don't think this is going to work out." There are many things wrong here.
Now my ex-boyfriend, of 2 years, I just wanted to get some insight:
You go to his job, after taking his cat to the vet, finding out that the cat has a urinary tract infection, which can be deadly for a cat. He gives you a kiss. He walks away. However, you see the expression of the girl's face fall, who witnessed the kiss. She knew he was in a relationship, and that did not stop her from trying, and eventually succeeding. Not all men can be that dumb. Can they?
Later, the same guy above, who has no car, borrows this same female co-workers vehicle, while she is sick, to get to and from work, and then he says, "Oh, it's nothing to worry about." Should you worry? I didn't. However, he's in a relationship with her now. That is, apparently, the definition of coward? He knew, exactly, where he was headed.
FYI, I took the above guy to Lemp Mansion - even though I knew a few days before that our relationship was over. (I even suggested canceling. He whined like a baby, "I really wanted to go.") Lemp Mansion is supposed to be haunted, I took pictures of the room as soon as we arrived. Later, he tried to tell me that a chair had moved. I took my digital camera out, and said, "no, it didn't move. It is still in the exact same place." (Sorry, but I was NOT about to play blonde. LOL) Never dumb yourself down.
What I, personally, want in a romantic relationship is someone loyal and faithful. Someone with integrity, which is sorely lacking in many men that I have met in the last four years. Someone that thinks highly of me as I think highly of him. Someone that would understand my empathetic gestures, and know that when I need time to myself, it isn't because I want to be without him. I have just taken on too much energy from problem solving with my clients, and I just need his warm hug. No words necessary. Just his presence. He also must love dogs. My being an empathetic person, I need to have a dog in my life. Does this man exist? Who knows? Good thing I have no problems being by myself.
There are toxic people in both genders. Those that give each gender a bad name. I have met both males and females. It really isn't a pretty sight. Unfortunately, I don't know how to change the toxic people, with the exception of warning the non-toxic people. People, just protect yourself, and make better choices for yourself. You matter.